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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646555">Shattered Rose</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/theCelticMyst/pseuds/theCelticMyst'>theCelticMyst</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Evil Cult, F/M, Human Sacrifice, Suicidal Thoughts, Unplanned Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:41:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>72,718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theCelticMyst/pseuds/theCelticMyst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During the Fifth Blight, Selene Amell and Alistair Theirin fell in love.  However, when he was made king, duty demanded he find a wife the Bannorn would find suitable and have an heir.  He broke with Amell, he tried to do it quickly and cleanly, no matter how much it hurt him.  He failed.  He crushed the heart of the woman he loved under his boot.  How could he not, when he had chosen duty over love?  When Selene later refused to even ask him to perform the dark ritual with Morrigan, planning to sacrifice her own life to kill the Archdemon.<br/>     When neither of them died, Alistair thought they were blessed by the Maker.  He planned to keep his dear Amell by his side as an adviser and was shocked when she disappeared right before he presented the Hero of Ferelden to his people.  He returned to his duty and the efforts to find a suitable queen.<br/>    Amell found herself in a bit of trouble and in Kirkwall, where she hoped to track down her family.  She worked on building a new life, while avoiding Meredith and her Templars.  She found herself also dealing with an evil Cult that wants something she would never give them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alistair/Amell (Dragon Age), Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Anders/Female Hawke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Let's Get This Over With</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Selene Amell kept her eyes closed as she pulled soft blankets around her.  It was easier to forget the responsibilities of the day to come this way.  She could pretend she was back in her tent on a rainy day, one where the weather was too bad to travel, and she could remain in the arms of the man she loved.</p>
<p>The man in question tightened his arms around her and mumbled softly in his sleep.  A hand reached up and cupped her cheek.  They had had a huge fight and had only made up a couple of weeks before.  He had ranted at her for killing Connor Guerin.  She hadn’t wanted to kill the child, but there had been little choice.  He was possessed and the demon in him had raised the undead.  Every villager in Redcliffe was now in mourning for a lost loved one because of that child’s actions, but she hadn’t wanted to kill him.  She had just wanted to check on the arl before she made the journey to Kinloch Hold to get help.  The child had attacked her when she had moved to open the arl’s door.</p>
<p>At first, everything had seemed find between them.  Then when they had returned to camp, Alistair had turned on her; railing at her for slaughtering a child.  He knew her better than that, he knew she would never want to harm an innocent.  She’d yelled back.  She hated having to be the one in charge.  She was only eighteen.  True, Alistair was only a year older than her, but he’d been a Grey Warden when the Blight started.  She had just undergone her Harrowing when Duncan arrived at the Circle.  She’d reminded him of this and offered him the leadership of their little adventuring party, the one trying to stop a Blight, once again.  He’d refused but held her responsible for the death of a child he thought of as his cousin.</p>
<p>She wasn’t sure what Wynne had said to him, but a week later, he’d come crawling back into their tent and apologized.  He’d been trying to make up for their lost week since then and she was still amazed at how easily she’d forgiven him.  Maker, she did love him.  She obviously loved him so much it made her stupid.  She should have used the argument to make him take charge.  He might be a bastard, but he was the king’s son.  He would be in a better position than a Circle Mage when they tried to convince the Landsmeet to back them against Teyrn Loghain MacTir.  When she got up, she would have to do just that.</p>
<p>She snuggled against Alistair.  For now, she would stay in the one place that she knew was safe.  In the arms of the man she loved; the one person she knew would never hurt her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pounding on the door came to soon.  Selene had slipped back into sleep.  Now someone was rudely demanding she return to reality.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry my lady.”  A maid’s voice came from the other side of the door.  “Arl Eamon demands that you get dressed and go to the palace for the Landsmeet.”</p>
<p>Alistair spoke without opening his eyes.  “Tell Eamon we are on our way.”  He pressed his face into Selene’s neck.  “Mm…  Good morning, my love.”</p>
<p>“Eamon doesn’t like us sleeping together,” she reminded him.  “I wonder if he actually sleeps with Isolde.”</p>
<p>She felt Alistair’s grin against her neck.  “He adores Isolde, but she doesn’t often stay the night in his room.  He seems to think it is not seemly.  He’s probably very scandalized by us, my dearest one.  It’s another reason we should get up and get dressed.”</p>
<p>She kissed the top of his head.  “Is that what you want?”</p>
<p>He pulled her down on top of him.  “I want to stay here, like this, with you forever.”  He smoothed her chestnut curls from her face.  “Unfortunately, that is not a choice we can make.”</p>
<p>“I guess we’ll have to deal with the nobles,” she lifted her head to kiss his nose.  “Then we can find some more time with just the two of us before we have to lead an army against the Archdemon.”</p>
<p>Alistair rolled off the bed, pulling her with him.  “Let’s get dressed and get this over with then.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Loghain Loses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene and Alistair go to the Landsmeet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Selene gazed at her party, one by one as they stood at the doors leading out of the Arl of Redcliffe’s Estate.  Each one gazed back at her, even her dog, Barkspawn.  Alistair fidgeted a little, but looked dashing in King Cailan’s armor; which they had recovered from Ostagar. </p>
<p>Beside Alistair, Oghren burped and scratched his ginger beard.  “Ready to become the King of Ferelden, Blondie?”</p>
<p>“Anora wants to be queen, we’ll let her,” Alistair insisted.  His voice bellied his words, though.  Selene was sure he knew what she planned.  Anora’s claim to the throne was shaky at best and would leave Ferelden too vulnerable.  Alistair would prefer to stay with the Wardens, but he was no fool and loved his country.  She assured herself that everything would be all right.  He would likely pout for a few moments and then square his shoulders and do what he knew was right.  She would be at his side to help him.  She smiled over at him; she would always be at his side.</p>
<p>“You have a duty to your country,” Wynne’s voice was sharp.  The elderly mage shook her head disapprovingly at Alistair.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry Wynne,” Leliana patted Wynne’s shoulder.  “Selene and Alistair will both always do the right thing.  Although, it could be terribly romantic if they turned their backs on duty, followed their hearts, and just ran off together to Orlais.”</p>
<p>“It would also get everyone else in Ferelden killed,” Morrigan reminded the red-headed former assassin.</p>
<p>“What is life like without a little danger?”  Zevran wiggled his eyebrows at the Witch of the Wilds.  “I’ll protect you, Morrigan.”</p>
<p>“I have not observed any time when Morrigan has needed your protection,” Sten did not get the humor or flirtation behind Zevran’s words.  “She is quite capable of taking care of herself.”</p>
<p>Barkspawn, Selene’s dog, grumbled at the rest of her companions and then bumped her legs, encouraging her to get moving. </p>
<p>Selene patted his head.  “We’re going, boy.  We have a despotic teyrn to take down.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene was shocked at how little resistance they met on their way to the Denerim Palace.  “Where are Loghain’s forces right now?”</p>
<p>“Perhaps he’s keeping them close to him,” Leliana suggested.  “He’ll spring them on everyone when he loses the Landsmeet.”</p>
<p>“It is likely that Ser Cauthrien was in charge of keeping us away from the palace,” Oghren burped.  “He probably hasn’t replaced her yet.”</p>
<p>“Did you have to kill her?”  Wynne’s voice was exasperated.  “If we could have made her see the error of following Loghain, then…”</p>
<p>“Look, it was me or her.  Would you prefer if she’d have killed me?” Selene cut her off.  She was fond of Wynne, but sometimes the senior mage drove her crazy.  Wynne had tried to talk her into breaking up with Alistair, going on about duty and obligations.  Was love not more important than those?  She’d never been in love before and couldn’t see herself feeling for another what she felt for her former Templar.  She looked over at him and saw his smile, assuring her that all would be well.</p>
<p>When Selene approached the main hall of Denerim, she could hear Eamon and Loghain talking with each other.  Eamon had already challenged Loghain and the pair were vying for the support of the Landsmeet.  “My Lords and Ladies of the Landsmeet, Teyrn Loghain would have us give up our freedoms, our traditions, out of fear,” Eamon was saying.  “He placed us on this path, yet we should place our destinies in his hands?  Must we sacrifice everything good about our nation to save it?”  The people applauded his words.</p>
<p>“A fine performance, Eamon,” Loghain answered.  Selene noted that he mispronounced Eamon’s name and wondered if it was on purpose, to insult the arl.  “But no one here is taken in by it.  You would attempt to put a puppet on the throne and every soul here knows it.  The better question is ‘who will pull the strings?’”</p>
<p>Selene threw the doors open and approached the arguing pair.  Alistair was one step behind her.  As she looked at Loghain, those he betrayed flashed through her memory.  She could see Duncan as he stood proud and sure, protecting her from the Templars as she was accused of Jowan’s crimes, even though she’d told Irving of her friend’s plans and he insisted she pretend to help him.  Irving hadn’t protected her, but Duncan had.  She could also see King Cailan smile at her as she arrived at Ostagar.  It had taken her awhile to realize he and Alistair had the same bright, charming smile.</p>
<p>“Ah!”  Loghain’s piercing voice interrupted her thoughts.  “And here we have the puppeteer.  Tell us Warden, how will the Orlesians take our nation from us?  Will they deign to send troops, or simply issue their commands through this would be prince?”</p>
<p>“What does Orlais have to do with anything?”  Selene challenged.  “Alistair and I are both from Ferelden.”  She’d actually been born in the Free Marches, but she didn’t have to tell Loghain that.</p>
<p>“What did they offer you?”  Loghain proved he wouldn’t listen to reason.  “How much is the price for Fereldan honor now?”</p>
<p>“Yes, we could speak of Fereldan honor and how you have lost all of yours,” Selene agreed.  “But that isn’t the most crucial matter here.  We are in the middle of a Blight and that is what needs to be addressed.”</p>
<p>“There are enough refugees in my bannorn now to make that abundantly clear,” Alfstanna Eremon, the Bann of the Waking Sea, agreed.</p>
<p>“The South is Fallen, Loghain!”  Gallagher Wulff shouted.  “Will the darkspawn take the country for fear of Orlais?”</p>
<p>“The Blight is indeed real, Wulff,” Loghain finally admitted.  “But do we need the Grey Wardens to fight it?  They claim that they alone can end the Blight, yet they failed spectacularly against the darkspawn at Ostagar.  And they asked to bring with them four legions of chevaliers.  And once we open our borders to the Chevaliers, can we really expect them to return from whence they came?”</p>
<p>Yes, they did need Grey Wardens to defeat the darkspawn and the only reason they had failed at Ostagar was that Loghain had betrayed them and King Cailan.  Yet this was not the time to get into that, not when there was more damning proof of how unfit a leader Loghain was.  “You sold Fereldan Citizens into slavery to fund your civil war against your own banns,” Selene revealed to the Landsmeet.</p>
<p>“What’s this?”  A bann Selene didn’t recognize demanded.  “There is no slavery in Ferelden.  Explain yourself!”</p>
<p>“There is no saving the alienage!”  Loghain insisted.  He ignored the murmurs from the crowd.  “Damage from the riots has yet to be repaired.  There are bodies still left rotting in their homes.  It is not a place I would send my worst enemy.  There is no chance of holding it if the Blight comes here.”  He turned back to Selene.  “Despite what you may think, Warden, I have done my duty.  Whatever my regrets may be for the elves, I have done what was needed for the good of Ferelden.”</p>
<p>What a bunch druffalo droppings, Selene wondered how many of the nobles were buying his shit.  “Was having Howe torture citizens for the good of Ferelden?”</p>
<p>“Howe took my only son!”  Bann Sighard pronounced to the room.  “The things done to him… some are beyond any healer’s skill.”</p>
<p>“Howe was a grown man responsible for his own actions,” Loghain proclaimed, as if everyone in the room didn’t know Howe was his sycophant.  “He will answer to the Maker for his crimes, as must we all.”  The crowed murmured again.  “But enough of this,” he cut the off.  “I have one question: What have you done with my daughter?”</p>
<p> “I have done nothing with your daughter and have no idea where she is at at the moment.  We were discussing your crimes; not slights you’ve imagined up.”</p>
<p>“You took my daughter… our queen… by force, killing her guards in the process,” Loghain claimed, as if he had no idea, she’d been held captive by Howe.  Selene had been maneuvered into rescuing the ungrateful bitch and regretted it all of the time.  Eamon had insisted they couldn’t let her die, they’d be framed for her death.  “What arts have you employed to keep her?”  Eamon continued his accusations.  Does she even still live?”</p>
<p>“I believe I can speak or myself,” Anora swept in.</p>
<p>Andraste’s stubbed toe, Selene had hoped the incompetent queen had managed to get herself killed in a way that screamed Selene and her friends were innocent.</p>
<p>The assembled Landsmeet gasped at Anora’s entrance and she took it as an invitation to try and twist them around her corrupt, lying little finger.  “Lords and ladies of Ferelden, hear me.”  Sure, if one was born and noble and <em>not</em> a mage, then everyone just listened.  “This Warden has slandered and defamed Ferelden’s greatest hero in a bid to put Maric’s imposter on the throne.”</p>
<p> “That is the biggest lie I’ve heard since Maferath swore to Andraste he loved her and someone told you that you look nice in that dress,” Selene rolled her eyes, not caring how the nobles judged her.  They’d have to be idiots to believe the woman.  “The man abandoned your own husband to die at the hands of darkspawn.  That man was Alistair’s brother by the way, which you admitted when you were begging us for help.”</p>
<p>“Oh, and she turned on us.”  Light jovial sarcasm dripped from Alistair’s words.  “What a shock.  She seemed like such a nice despot.”  Selene couldn’t help but smile at him.  Even in the worst of times, he could lighten her heart.</p>
<p>“It has become clear to me, Warden, the true threat to this nation is you,” Anora proclaimed.  “I offered you the chance to ally with me for the good of this nation and you refused it.”  Anora actually admitted in front of the Landsmeet that she was turning on someone she proposed an alliance to.  “I will not allow you to destroy the throne Cailan and I have held.”</p>
<p>Loghain began pacing aggressively in front of the Landsmeet, like a cougar about to attack.  “Who here can say that Anora is not fit to rule this land?  And who can say that Alistair is?  We know nothing of him save that he <em>may</em> have royal blood.”</p>
<p>“That’s more than Anora can claim,” Selene tried to point out, but Loghain continued to talk over her.</p>
<p>“For five years Anora has been queen, and proven herself worthy of the Theirin name.  She can lead our people through this crisis, and I lead her armies.  My lords and ladies, our land has been threatened before.  It’s been invaded, and lost, and won times beyond counting.   We Fereldans have proven that we will never truly be conquered so long as we are united.  We must not let ourselves be divided now.  Stand with me, and we will defeat the Blight itself.”</p>
<p>Selene opened her mouth to remind that Landsmeet that no Blight had been defeated without a Grey Warden, but she didn’t have to.  Her supporters spoke up before she could.</p>
<p>“The Warden!”  Gallagher Wulff declared.  “I’m with the Warden!”</p>
<p>“Southreach stands with the Grey Wardens,” another voice joined in.</p>
<p>Another bann stepped forward.  “The Warden helped me personally in a… family matter.”</p>
<p>Elfstanna nodded to the other bann and then gripped the bannister of the balcony she stood on, leaning forward so I would hear her.  “Waking Sea stands with the Grey Warden!”</p>
<p>“Dragon’s Peak stands with the Grey Warden!”  Another voice rang behind her.</p>
<p>“The Western Hills throw their lot in with the Grey Wardens,” another responded.  “Maker help us.”</p>
<p>Then a crochety old man stepped forward.  “I stand with Loghain!  We’ve no hope of victory otherwise.”  A stupid, crochety old man, Selene amended her thought.</p>
<p>“I stand with the Warden,” one of the bann’s on the floor glared at the Crochety old man.  His willingness to let them be consumed by the Blight would be remembered by his peers.  Those around him applauded.  “The Blight is coming; we need the Grey Wardens!”</p>
<p>There was more cheering and shouts as a large portion of the majority declared that they would stand with Alistair and Selene.  Selene smiled at them, grateful.  Then she turned to Loghain.  “You lose.  Live with it.”</p>
<p>Loghain clenched his fists and teeth, appearing as if in a vice or suffering from extremely egregious constipation.  “Traitors!  Which of you stood against the Orlesian Emperor when his troops flattened your fields and raped your wives?”</p>
<p>“No one raped your wife!”  One of the banns called to him.  “You were single until after the war.”</p>
<p>“You wanted Maric’s wife more than you wanted your own!”  An older bann also called out.</p>
<p>“You don’t know of what you speak!”  Spittle spewed from Loghain’s mouth with each word.  He turned on Eamon, fists still clenched.  “You fought with us once, Eamon.  You cared about this land once.  Before you got too old and fat and content to even see what you risk.”  He then waved a hand at the assembly.  “None of you deserve a say in what happens here!  None of you have spilled blood for this land the way I have!  How dare you judge me!”</p>
<p>The man was definitely a few mages short of a circle.  She wondered when he had become completely unhinged.  She had no doubt that he would slaughter every noble in attendance to keep power.  He had arranged for the death of his own king after all.  “Loghain,” she tried to keep her voice soft and reassuring.  “Why don’t you call off your men and we can settle this honorably.”  She had no doubt she could easily take the man.  He had no Templar training and she doubted he had faced many mages in the past.  It would be quick and simple.</p>
<p>Loghain’s shoulders slumped.  “Then let us end this.  I suppose we both knew it would come to this.  A man is made by the quality of his enemies.  Maric told me that once.  I wonder if it’s more a compliment for you or me.”</p>
<p>“Well, I didn’t try to kill both of his sons,” Selene pointed out.  “That was you.”</p>
<p>“Enough,” Loghain waved a hand.  “Let the Landsmeet declare the terms of the duel.”</p>
<p>Elfstanna stepped forward immediately, almost as if the Landsmeet had already discussed the possibility of this duel.  “It shall be fought according to the rules of tradition: a test of arms in single combat until one party yields.  And we who are assembled will abide by the outcome.”</p>
<p>So, she’d had the backing of the nobles one moment, but they were willing to overthrow her if she lost a duel.  That was nice to know, Selene thought.  At least she could judge the fealty of the nobles.  She just wasn’t sure she wanted them at her back.</p>
<p>“Will you face me yourself, or have you a champion?”  Loghain challenged.</p>
<p>“I take that to mean I would be facing you and not a champion?”  Selene raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Alistair grabbed her arm and pulled her, gently, against him.  “Let me fight him.  I owe that to Duncan and Cailan.”</p>
<p>“He’s no Templar,” Selene reminded Alistair.  “He has no protection from a mage and I have been studying the Arcane techniques the spirit in the Brecilian Forest taught me.  I think I’m becoming rather good.  I promise I won’t kill him; I’ll leave that to you.”  She fluttered her eyelashes at him and then gave him a soft kiss.  “It is me he challenged and he isn’t calling up a champion.  Can I do no less than face him myself?”</p>
<p>“Fine, but be careful,” Alistair’s hand gently cupped her cheek.  “I couldn’t bear to lose you.”</p>
<p>“You won’t.”  This time their kiss was a little longer.  She turned back to Loghain.  “I will face you myself.  That is only what is right in this situation.”</p>
<p>Loghain’s expression softened again.  “It is you or me the men will follow.  So, let us fight for it.  Prepare yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wynne pulled Selene aside as she checked her soft leather armor and drank a small vial of mana.  “Be careful, if you kill the Champion of River Dane with magic, mages everywhere will fill the brunt of the panic it will cause.”</p>
<p>“We can’t keep living in fear of our own powers!  Nor should we just continue to take abuse because of them!”  Selene hissed at her.  “This is a duel, not a dance!”</p>
<p>She turned and began marching towards the spot the noble now surrounded, waiting for the duel.  She felt Alistair’s touch on her arm.  He pulled her in for a warm kiss.  “That was for luck.”  He kissed her again.  “That’s because I love you.”</p>
<p>She laid her head on his chest for a moment.  “I love you, too.”  She the straitened and moved into the circle the nobles had made.  The circle widened as she faced Loghain.</p>
<p>The pair slowly began to circle each other.  Loghain unsheathed his sword first and those gathered around them gasped.  What had they been expecting to happen?  Storm clouds began gathering around her and thunder boomed above.</p>
<p>Loghain lunged at her, but only hit her barrier.  Selene summoned a crushing cage.  The cage was made from electricity and blackened Loghain’s sword as he tried to strike at it.  She hit him with a lightning bolt that threw him against the cage’s electric bars.  He slumped to the floor.  She was mildly surprised that he still lived.  She lowered the cage and kicked his sword out of the way, unsheathing the one she carried and laying the tip across his neck.</p>
<p>After several minutes, Loghain regained consciousness.  He slowly made his way to his knees, his head bent.  “I underestimated you, Warden.  I thought you were like Cailan, a child wanting to play war.”  He slowly stood, wobbling the entire time.  “I was wrong.  There’s a strength in you that I have not seen anywhere since Maric died.  I yield.”</p>
<p>“I accept your surrender,” she nodded.</p>
<p>“What?”  Alistair’s voice rose a pitch.  “What do you mean you accept his surrender?”</p>
<p>“He knows that he must die for his crimes, but we can give him a dignified death,” Selene reasoned.  Alistair nodded reluctantly and Loghain nodded.</p>
<p>“Wait!”  Riordan suddenly appeared.  Selene had not seen him since she’d rescued him from the Arl of Denerim’s Estate.  He had thanked her for rescuing him and then slunk off instead of helping her.  Now he suddenly appeared at just the opportune moment of the Landsmeet.  He claimed to be a Grey Warden, and Alistair knew him and said he was, but he hadn’t lifted one finger to help her or Alistair win the Landsmeet and get help fighting the Blight.  “There is another option,” Riordan continued talking.</p>
<p>Alistair raised an eyebrow at him and Selene rolled her eyes.  She couldn’t believe this.  First the man seemed to refuse to ever help them, even though there was a Blight going on, now he showed up when the fighting was done and was interrupting a simple execution.</p>
<p>“The teyrn is a warrior and general of renown,” Riordan stated the obvious.  “Let him be of use.  Let him go through the Joining.”</p>
<p>Selene wondered what sort of substances Riordan had been consuming while recovering from his time in Howe’s dungeon.  Perhaps he’d gotten ahold of some bad mushrooms.  “Have you gone insane?  That’s crazy!”</p>
<p>“There are too few of us.”  Riordan obviously did not realize he’d gone insane.  “It’s not a matter of what we like; it’s a matter of what we must do.  Our duty is to slay the archdemon.  We aren’t judges.  Kinslayers, blood mages, traitors, rebels, carta thugs, common bandits; anyone with the skills and mettle to take up the sword against the darkspawn is welcome among us.  There are three of us in all of Ferelden.  And there are… compelling reasons to have as many Wardens on hand as possible to deal with the archdemon.”</p>
<p>“The Joining itself is often fatal, is it not?”  Anora spoke up.  Selene wondered how Anora knew that.  <em>She</em> hadn’t before Duncan put her through the ritual and she had asked if there was anything she needed to know.  “If he survives, you gain a general.  If not, you have your revenge.  Doesn’t that satisfy you?”</p>
<p>It really did not.</p>
<p>It didn’t satisfy Alistair, either, from his expression.  “Absolutely not!”  Alistair was practically yelling.  “Riordan, this man abandoned our brothers and then blamed us for the deed!  He hunted us down like animals.  He tortured you!  How can we simply forget that?”</p>
<p>“Like animals, Riordan,” Selene repeated her love’s words.  “We had to kill people; lieutenants and generals who were foaming at the mouths, like rabid dogs, in anticipation of killing us.  He sent a horny Antivan Crow after us.  He’s a traitor, Cailan’s death, and he let Duncan die in the process.  He has to die.”</p>
<p>“You can’t do this!”  Anora objected.  “My father may have been wrong, but he is still a hero to the people.”</p>
<p>“Anora, hush,” Loghain’s voice was gentle as he addressed his child.  “It’s over.”</p>
<p>“Stop treating me like a child,” Anora’s voice became more shrill.  “This is serious.”</p>
<p>Loghain closed his eyes for a moment and gave her a fond smile.  “Daughters never grow up, Anora.  They remain six years old with pigtails and skinned knees forever.”  He turned to Selene.  “You’ll find that out when you have one of your own.”</p>
<p>Selene gave a little shake of her head.  “Even were I ever to be so blessed, the Chantry would just take the child from me.  There is a reason you never see babies in the Circles.”</p>
<p>“Father…”  Anora threw her hands over her face.</p>
<p>“Just make it quick Warden,” Loghain requested.  “I can face the Maker knowing that Ferelden is in your hands.”</p>
<p>Selene looked over to Alistair and held out a hand.  “Alistair, you should be the one to do this.”</p>
<p>He took her hand for a moment.  “Thank you.  I will.  I owe that to Duncan.”  He unsheathed his sword and slowly walked to Loghain.  Loghain took one involuntary step back, but that was all.  Alistair grit his teeth, his face ferocious, as he made a vicious swing that cleanly separated Loghain’s head from the rest of his body.</p>
<p>Anora weaved on her feet as her father’s blood splashed onto her and his headless corpse fell at her feet.          She collapsed to the ground, her head on his chest and wailed her sorrow to the heavens.</p>
<p>“We’ll give her a few moments.”  Selene stepped away.  She’d gotten a bit of blood on herself and Alistair grabbed a cloth to gently wipe their enemy’s blood from both of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. All Hail the King!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alistair becomes King of Ferelden as trouble brews on the horizon.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The banns gathered for the Landsmeet did not even wait for half an hour, to allow the former queen to finish grieving for her now headless father, before they got back to business.</p>
<p>“So, it is decided,” Eamon declared.  “Alistair will take his father’s throne.”</p>
<p>“Wait!  What!”  Alistair protested.  “Nobody’s decided that,” he looked over at Selene and lowered his voice.  “Have they?”</p>
<p>“He refuses the throne!”  Anora smiled archly, obviously she was done grieving.  “Everyone here has heard him.  I think it’s clear then he abdicates in favor of me.”  Her words were falling over themselves in her eagerness.</p>
<p>“I hardly think you’re the appropriate person to mediate this Anora,” Eamon reprimanded her.  “Selene, will you help us?”  He dumped his problems on Selene’s lap.</p>
<p>Selene had been told to expect this, but it didn’t mean she had to like it.  She knew that Alistair had no desire to be king, but she also knew there wasn’t another viable choice.  She couldn’t let Anora take it.  She wasn’t sure how complicit Cailan’s widow was in his death or other machinations, but she had no legitimate claim to the throne and couldn’t be trusted.  “I want to talk to Anora first.”</p>
<p>“Certainly.”  Anora gave a small nod and her voice was a little too chipper.</p>
<p>Selene was just taking the opportunity to voice some things she’d been unable to before.  “Are you aware that you’re a ruthless bitch?”</p>
<p>Anora crossed her arms.  “I prefer to think of it as having staunch determination.  Was there a point you wanted to make?”</p>
<p>“No,” Selene shook her head.  “I just wanted to say it, to make sure you knew.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Anora uncrossed her arms.  “I’m glad that you can take time from deciding the fate of our nation for this.”  Finally, she no longer sounded smug, likely because she now realized that there was no way Selene was going to find in her favor.  Selene was shocked that she had ever entertained the idea that Anora had ever entertained the idea that Selene would be on her side.         </p>
<p>“Have you made a decision, Warden,” Eamon was growing a bit testy.  Perhaps he realized she didn’t care for him that much, either.</p>
<p>“Of course, I have,” she turned to the people.  “Alistair will be king and I will rule beside him.”</p>
<p>“You can’t,” Alistair spoke before anyone else could.  “The people would never accept a mage as queen.”</p>
<p>            So much for winning freedom for her people, she supposed.  That didn’t change her personal goals, she’d just never marry and become the royal mistress.  That would still allow her to make some changes and stay by the side of the man she loved.  “Very well, Alistair will rule alone.”</p>
<p>            “Anora, the Landsmeet has decided against you,” Eamon proclaimed.  “You must now swear fealty to our king, and relinquish all claim to the throne for yourself and your heirs.”</p>
<p>            “If you think I will swear that oath, Eamon, you know nothing of me,” Anora countered.</p>
<p>            “You’ll have to do something about her Alistair,” Selene looked to him.  She wanted to suggest that he kill Anora on the spot, but she knew that it would make her look petty and weak. She also doubted that he’d actually do it. Really, the man was almost too kindhearted for his own good.</p>
<p>            “I suppose that’s true.”  Alistair looked and sounded sorrowful.</p>
<p>            “We cannot leave Ferelden in a state of civil war,” Eamon insisted.  “If she will not swear fealty to you, Alistair, and renounce her claim to the throne, she is a threat to us all.”</p>
<p>            “Put her in the tower for now,” Alistair decided.  “If I fall against the Blight, then she can have her throne.  If not… then we’ll see.”</p>
<p>            Anora turned to him, her eyes wide.  “You would give me a chance for the throne after this?”</p>
<p>            “I said if I fall, Anora, if I fall the throne falls to you.”  Alistair’s voice finally got the warrior’s edge that Selene knew he needed.  “I won’t kill you while there’s a chance that can happen.  Someone has to treat this Blight seriously.”</p>
<p>            “Alistair you can’t be serious,” Selene objected.  Anora was a threat, she needed a sword to her throat, not a cushy room to cool her heels in.</p>
<p>            “That is uncharacteristically wise of you,” Anora declared.</p>
<p>            “Yes,” Alistair turned, presenting his chiseled profile.  “Well, don’t let it get around.  I have a reputation to maintain.</p>
<p>            “Very well then,” Eamon capitulated to Alistair’s decision.  “Guards, take her away.”</p>
<p>            The crowd gasped yet again as the guards surrounded Anora.  They led her through the other nobles and out the door.  Selene wondered if they were taking her to Fort Drakon or to just place her under house arrest and lock her in her room.</p>
<p>            “The people would never accept me as queen, but you’ll leave the Throne of Ferelden to the woman who helped plot against Duncan and Cailan if something happens to you while we are fighting the darkspawn?”  Selene was incredulous.  “So, being born with magic really is worse than murder and treason.”</p>
<p>            “Selene,” Alistair reached a hand out to her, but then let it fall.</p>
<p>            “Your highness,” Eamon interrupted them.  “Would you address the Landsmeet?”</p>
<p>            “Oh,” Alistair turned towards him.  “That would be me.  Right, um…”  He stumbled.  “I never knew him, but from all I heard about my father, he was defined by his commitment to protecting this land and its people.”</p>
<p>            “Just put on the crown and get this over with,” Selene sighed.  She was done with speeches at the moment.  She wanted to get away from all of the nobles and find a dragon so she could put a lightning bolt up its ass, before she put one up Eamon’s butt.</p>
<p>            “Maker’s breath,” Alistair glanced back at her.  Then he turned his attention back to his nobles.  “When the Blight is over, I’ll come back and take up my duties… whatever they are… as king.  Until then, I think Arl Eamon will have to be regent.”</p>
<p>            Eamon bowed.  “Then I can do Maric’s memory no less honor than you do.  I accept.  And may the Maker bless your efforts against the darkspawn.”  The decision didn’t sit well with Selene.  She sensed that this was what Eamon had wanted all along.  He wasn’t strong enough to take the throne, but he would now sit on it.</p>
<p>            “My fellow Warden will, I hope, take up Loghain’s place as leader of my armies,” Alistair added.  He turned to Selene.  “Shall we finish this thing together?”</p>
<p>            She didn’t like this.  He had never used her name, just ‘fellow Warden’.  He was handing her an army, but it felt like he was distancing himself from her.  She tried to tell herself she was being silly.  She was just tired.  “I could do no less for you, my king.”</p>
<p>            Alistair turned back to the crowd.  “Everyone get ready to march!  It’s going to take all of Ferelden’s strength to survive the Blight.”  The crowd began to cheer.  “But we will face it and we’ll defeat it together!”  He turned back to Selene.  “We’d better get going.  Ferelden is depending on us.”</p>
<p>            “I’d like to speak with you alone, Alistair.”  Eamon gently gripped his arm and led Alistair away from Selene.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Shattering</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things don't go well right after the Landsmeet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“A wise man once said that ‘a room without books is like a body without a soul’,” Selene scanned her surroundings.  “This room has no soul.”</p>
<p>“It is rather dreary room,” Leliana agreed.  There was a large table in the middle with plenty of chairs set around it.  Large urns sat behind the table and there was a stack of firewood in one corner.  She pulled out one of the chairs and gracefully folded into it.  “Are there other rooms where we can wait for Alistair to join us?”</p>
<p>“I don’t trust that Eamon,” Zevran decided.  “He seems keen on manipulating Alistair.  We shouldn’t have let him take him off by himself.”</p>
<p>“He claims to be like Alistair’s uncle,” Sten remarked.  “What is an… uncle?”</p>
<p>“It’s the brother of one of your parents,” Wynne explained to him.  “In this case, his older sister used to be married to Alistair’s father.”</p>
<p>“And this gives him some authority to advise a king?”  Sten shook his head.  “This makes no sense.”</p>
<p>“He’s…”  Wynne stopped as the door opened.</p>
<p>Alistair walked in, his gaze on Selene.  “We… need to talk.”</p>
<p>Selene didn’t like the tone of his voice or the way he looked at her, it scared her.  Something was very wrong.  “We can go somewhere.  It sounds like we need to be alone.”</p>
<p>“No…”  He didn’t look at the others.  “If we go off alone now… I won’t be able to… this is hard already.  I’m not going to question why you made me king.  I think I’m starting to come around on the idea, anyhow… it could be an interesting future for me.”</p>
<p>“You’ll be a wonderful king,” she assured him.  She’d been so afraid he’d be angry, but there really was no other viable choice.   </p>
<p>“Thank you,” his voice was soft.  “But… being king, that raises some questions about us.  About you and me.”</p>
<p>“Alistair, I really think you two need to be alone,” Wynne tried to interrupt.</p>
<p>“You and me?”  Selene repeated.  She found she could hardly speak and her hand reached back to grab a chair.  She didn’t realize her knuckles were turning white.  Her heart seemed to drop into her stomach.  “I thought you were in love with me.” </p>
<p>“I am, more than anything,” he professed.  “But this is all I can think of since the Landsmeet.  First, there’s the fact that you and I are both Grey Wardens.  It’s not just a question of obligation, but of blood.  You know that Grey Wardens don’t usually live to become old, right.”</p>
<p>She sank down on a nearby chair, but missed.  Leliana sprang up to support her.  Selene vaguely wondered how she’d missed the chair, but most of her brain was dulling, trying to shut down as if to protect itself.  “I never wanted to be a Grey Warden.”  She hadn’t.  She’d gone to Irving when she’d learned of Jowan’s insane plan to destroy his phylactery and run of with some Chantry hussy.  He’d told her to pretend to go along with the plan.  The next thing she’d known, she was being accused of blood magic and Duncan was conscripting her.  He’d saved her life, but at the moment, she almost wished he hadn’t.  She didn’t think she wanted to hear what Alistair was going to say next.  “Don’t punish me more for being one,” she begged.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he sounded it, yet she didn’t believe him.  If he was sorry, he wouldn’t keep talking.  He would take back what he’d already said and assure her that everything would be all right.  “As king, I’ll be required to have a child.  Even more so, because my death is assured.  That’s assuming someone with the taint could or even should have a child.”</p>
<p>She blinked at him.  There was a sliver of hope that he was saying they should have a child, but then why would he bring up their tainted blood?  “We can try for a child.”</p>
<p>“I’ve only heard of a few Grey Wardens having children,” he shook his head emphatically.  “I’ve never heard of two having a child together.”</p>
<p>She found herself leaning against Leliana, who had wrapped her arms more firmly around her and was glaring at Alistair.</p>
<p>“Perhaps the rest of us should leave,” Oghren stood, but Wynne put a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>“I think we need to stay at this point,” her voice was firm.  She was angry, but Selene couldn’t tell at who.</p>
<p>Alistair continued, as if he couldn’t stop what he was doing.  “I will need to find a wife; one who can bear a child, who will live to raise it.  I don’t relish it,” his voice became quicker.  “But…” He paused.  “I will have a duty as the king.”</p>
<p>Selene shook her head.  She tried to glare at him, but her vision was becoming blurred.  She realized she was crying and couldn’t stop.</p>
<p>“I love you,” he insisted.  That just made her cry harder.  If he loved her, he wouldn’t be doing this.  He wouldn’t be so calm.  “But I have to face what this means.  I can’t run away from it anymore.”</p>
<p>She opened her mouth to speak and a sob came out instead.  The man she loved more than life itself was dumping her for some unknown woman.  One the nobles would accept, one who could give him a child.  He claimed to love her, but his actions belied those words.  She finally found her voice.  “You’re the king, you can do what you want.  You don’t have to give up…”  She said the words quickly, but another sob cut her off before she could continue.</p>
<p>“You mean… no!”  His voice raised an octave.  “I could never… not to my wife.  It would be unfair to her.”</p>
<p>Unfair to <em>her</em>, this nameless woman who wasn’t cursed with magic or the taint.  Ever since she’d called up a storm when angry at the age of six, she’d not been enough.  She’d been dragged to a circle and locked up because there was something wrong with her.  She’d tried to be an exemplary mage, but the Templars had continued to watch her.  She’d gone to the Grand Enchanter when she knew her friend was getting into trouble.  Jowan had dragged her into his scheme so he could by with Lilly, or whatever the Chantry initiate who liked to seduce mages was named.  He hadn’t cared if she got in trouble, he cared about what he wanted.  Now Alistair was telling her that he’d rather be with this other woman, this one who could give him what he desired, than be with her.  He’d be loyal to her replacement, but throw her aside.  She hadn’t realized that she’d sunk to the floor until Leliana was pulling her head onto her lap and rubbing her back as she cried.  Alistair was just looking at her, with regret in his eyes.  She felt a moment of anger.  Screw his regret, he might as well be driving a dagger into her heart.  She pulled up a moment to glare at him.  She’d given him her heart and body, something no one else had had and he had used her and was discarding her.  “So, we had sex, and now… that’s it?”  She could handle this better if that <em>was</em> it.  The sweet, gentle man she’d fallen in love with didn’t exist and he’d just used her to get what he wanted.</p>
<p>“Please don’t say it like that,” his voice was still gentle and he leaned down to touch her, but Leliana batted his hand away before he could. </p>
<p>“Don’t touch her now,” Selene swore she heard her friend growl.  It almost sounded like Sten’s growl, though.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know it would turn out like this,” Alistair pleaded.  He scooched down to get closer to her, but didn’t try and touch her.  “I could see it becoming very hard to tear myself away from you.  Impossible, even.”</p>
<p>She managed a bitter laugh between her tears.  “Obviously, not.  You’re doing quite well.”</p>
<p>“No, I’m not,” he insisted.  “But if this is what must be, then… then I have to do it now.  I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Is…”  She took a breath, trying to stop her sobs.  She tried to tell him he wasn’t worth it.  No man who would hurt her like this was.  “Is this revenge for me making you king?”</p>
<p>“No,” he extended a hand, but still didn’t dare try to get past her guard again.  “I said I understand and I do.  But at the same time, I cannot avoid what that entails.”</p>
<p>“So, I’m good enough for another Warden, but not for a king?”  She wiped away her tears, but more just took their place.  She wanted to say more, but she could no longer breathe.  She forced herself to take in one breath after another, even if it caused her tears to flow quicker and each exhale to be a sob.  Her chest ached with each inhalation.  Maker, she was just trying not to die.</p>
<p>“Shh...” Leliana still held her close.  “Don’t.  You’re more than enough,” She scowled at Alistair. </p>
<p>“You weak, pathetic fool, stop begging for her forgiveness,” Morrigan demanded.  She stepped between Alistair and Selene, causing him to back up.  “You don’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>Wynne stepped next to them, frowning disapprovingly at the new king.  “And to think I was afraid <em>she’d</em> be the one to hurt <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>“Duty be damned,” Zevran spoke up.  He stalked towards Alistair.  “Either you love her or you don’t.  You’re a king, which means you can have whatever you want.  Even a slave has the right to love.  Throw that away if you must, but don’t hide behind duty like a coward.”</p>
<p>“Selene,” Alistair took another step back, but kept his gaze on her.</p>
<p>“Go, before I put my staff up your butt and then make sure you will never have a child with anyone,” Morrigan demanded.</p>
<p>Alistair nodded and walked away.</p>
<p>Leliana rubbed Selene’s back, as Morrigan moved to guard the door.  Zevran sat beside them and placed a gentle hand on her head as Selene’s sobs grew.  She couldn’t stop them.  He looked to Wynne.  “Can you help?”</p>
<p>“This isn’t something one can heal,” Wynne’s voice was somehow even more gentle than usual.  “Perhaps I have something to calm her, though.  I remember when Gregoire…”  She shook her head.  “He didn’t go off to have a baby with someone else, though.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alistair found himself in his new rooms, staring into the fireplace.  The room was cold, barren, empty.  It fit his present mood perfectly.  He could see Selene’s face in the flames, tears streaming from her sapphire eyes down her rosy, rounded cheeks.  He’d hurt her.  Maker, he’d hurt the woman he loved.  He thought he’d done the right thing, but why did it make him feel like a monster?</p>
<p>After the Landsmeet, Eamon had pulled him aside and reminded him where his duties lay.  Everything he’d told Selene was true.   He had to do his duty to Ferelden now that he was king.  He had to find a noble woman to marry and make an heir with.  The thought of being with someone else sickened him. He couldn’t imagine sharing a bed, or a life with anyone else.</p>
<p>It would be unfair to that woman, whoever she might be, to promise her his hand and start a family with her, while he then crept into a bed of another; even if that other was Selene.   She didn’t deserve that; it wasn’t her fault that he could never love her.  Maker, he wished Selene had never made him King. He wished that the entire blighted idea hadn’t ever come to Eamon. He wanted things to go on as they were. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Selene, not some acceptable daughter of a family that just wanted a tie to the throne.</p>
<p>It hadn’t mattered what he wanted when he was young, and Isolde made him sleep with the dogs. It hadn’t mattered when Eamon sent him away to the Chantry. It hadn’t mattered when Duncan sent him to light the Beacon. Why, now that he’s king, should he think he’d have more say in anything.</p>
<p>He stepped away now, because he knew that he’d never be able to do it later.  Every day he spent at her side, was one he fell deeper in love.  She’d gone from being a comrade, to a friend, to a sweetheart, to the love of his life.  He didn’t know how he’d found the strength to split from her even now.  </p>
<p>He once dreamed of staying at her side forever.  A lifetime of breakfasts in bed, private jokes, and nights of quiet, or loud passion.  Every single one of those dreams died with his words to her, and he hated himself for it.  He was too weak to refuse Eamon. He didn’t deserve her now.</p>
<p>He wondered if part of him was still mad that she’d made him king and did want to lash out at her.  If it was there, even that part of him now cursed him for hurting her.  For putting that look in her blue eyes.  He told himself it was better for her, as well, that he broke with her now.  What would she have thought when he began looking for a queen?  He cursed her, the future queen, as well; for the necessity of her existing and for taking him from the woman he wanted to run to even now.  But duty was duty.</p>
<p><em>Duty was duty, it had to be honored</em>.  He repeated that phrase in his mind, even as he tried to ignore the part of him that screamed at him to run to Selene and beg her to forgive him.  He repeated it even as he put his head in hands and cried.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. What is the Point of this Gathering?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eamon throws a post-Landsmeet party.  Everyone knows why.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You must be a Grey Warden,” a buxom blonde murmured to Alistair.  “For they are the opposite of darkspawn.  They are light-spawn and I’d like for you to spawn my children.”</p>
<p>“Melissa!”  One of the blonde’s companions gasped.  “I cannot believe you’d say something so impertinent to our new king!”</p>
<p>“She’s desperate, Willa,” a striking brunette declared.  “She wants to be queen and her father told her that our new king is single.”</p>
<p>Alistair had only been half listening to the women surrounding him.  Maker, why were they surrounding him?  Eamon had insisted on having a party to let the nobles get to know their new king and commander.  For some reason, that meant every noble of Ferelden had to bring their unmarried daughters.  He had more important things to do.  He looked around, hoping to see his companions.  This was for both himself and Selene, after all.  He saw Oghren and Sten standing in corners.  Sten was glaring at the nobles, while Oghren enjoyed the alcohol that Eamon had provided.  The rest of his companions were nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>“Excuse me ladies, I must…”  He hesitated.  Every excuse he could think of sounded lame in his own mind.  “I must check on my friends.  They are about to go into battle to protect you ladies from the darkspawn.”</p>
<p>“Like you will?”  The brunette, touched his arm.</p>
<p>“Who’s being too bold now, Toni?”  Melissa muttered.</p>
<p>Alistair turned and fled.  He found himself practically hiding behind Sten.  “Where are the others?”</p>
<p>“What is the point of this gathering?”  Sten answered the question with a question.  “I will only be staying for an hour.  Wynne is to relieve me, so the others don’t realize that your companions are not here to support you.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean they aren’t…”  Alistair recalled the looks on his friends faces earlier.  Perhaps Selene was right and he should have spoken to her while they were alone.  He hadn’t wanted her to be alone when he walked away.  He hadn’t wanted…</p>
<p>“Alistair!”  Eamon came to his side.  “Why did you leave our lovely noble women?  They are anxious to get to know you.  You don’t want to alienate your future queen, do you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want a woman who cares for my rank more than me.  One more minute of that, and I’d have run, screaming from the future queen. How would that have looked?”  Alistair didn’t want any of those women at all, he wanted Selene.  He reminded himself again that he couldn’t have her.  He had a duty to his country.  That didn’t mean he couldn’t worry for her, though.  “Where is Selene?”</p>
<p>“The Warden Commander?”  Eamon glanced around.  “She isn’t here.  I’ll go find her and remind her of her responsibilities.  As the commander of your forces, she has a commitment to you and the nobles.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps I should…”  Alistair moved towards the guest wing, where his friends would be staying.</p>
<p>“No,” Eamon put a restraining hand on his arm.  “I’ll go find her.”</p>
<p>Alistair was about to protest, then thought better of it.  It was best he wasn’t alone with Selene and she likely didn’t want to see him.  He just nodded.</p>
<p>Sten smiled. The image of Selene sending a lightning bolt up Eamon’s backside cheered him immensely.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene stared into the fire.  She sat cross legged on a large bed with a mug in her hand.  The smell of heated chocolate wafted out.  Wynne had come to her room and told her that she had the perfect potion for her.  Then she’d handed her the mug.  There were small white things in it, along with a heaping of whipped cream.  It tasted wonderful.  She wished she wasn’t so cold inside that the hot, sweet contents weren’t really reaching the core of ice at her center.</p>
<p>Leliana sat beside her, her arm around Selene and their heads together.  Wynne stood by the bed, looking over them.  While Zevran was draped across the bottom of the bed.</p>
<p>The assassin wrapped his arms around Selene’s legs.  “You know that I have always been devoted to you, my beautiful and deadly goddess.  Just let me know what you need and I shall get it.  I will even kill Eamon if you’d like me to, there will be no charge.”</p>
<p>“No,” Selene took a sip.  “Alistair did talk to him right before he… ended things.  I wonder how much Eamon had to do with that.”</p>
<p>“Alistair does look up to him,” Wynne confirmed.  “He is practically his uncle and Maric did trust him to raise Alistair.  He would be looking out for the throne and what he thought was best.”</p>
<p>“He is establishing his control over Alistair right now,” Leliana agreed.  “He would need to do so, before he feared you got too much influence, Selene.  I just can’t see our little Templar deciding that he no longer wanted the woman he obviously loved.”</p>
<p>“He has been thrust into power he never expected to have,” Zevran pointed out.  “And he comes from powerful people, but none of them ever fought to put him before their duties.  He doesn’t know how to fight for what he loves, because no one has fought for him.  You might need to teach him how.”</p>
<p>Selene took a deep sip.  “Were you not in the room when he decided to rip out my heart in front of everyone.  He stomped on it while he talked about how I wasn’t worthy of enough to be the mother of his future child.  He said he was worried about shaming someone that doesn’t exist yet more that he was of shaming me!  After all, I’m a mage and we are expected to stay locked in their towers until the nobles decide to let us out to fight their wars. We aren’t there for them to actually care about.”</p>
<p>“Don’t let anyone make you think that is all you are,” Leliana pulled her closer.  “Don’t listen to their bigotries.”</p>
<p>“How can I not?”  Selene sniffed.  “I let myself think I’d become something more and it caused my heart to be crushed.”</p>
<p>“If you don’t want to let me killed Arl Eamon, then at least don’t let him win,” Zevran pleaded. </p>
<p>“I can’t let you kill him,” Selene sniffled again.  “I need his army to fight the archdemon.  I’m tempted to just let the archdemon destroy Ferelden and the rest of Thedas.”</p>
<p>“Selene!”  Wynne gasped.</p>
<p>“I just said tempted,” Selene muttered.</p>
<p>“Morrigan would cheer you if you decided to let everyone die,” Leliana murmured.  “The little bitch.”</p>
<p>“Where is…”  Zevran’s question was cut off by a knock on the door.  “That must be her.”</p>
<p>            Wynne opened the door to reveal Arl Eamon. </p>
<p>            “I would have preferred Morrigan,” Leliana admitted.</p>
<p>            “So, would I,” Selene sighed.  The Witch of the Wilds would likely turn the arl into a toad for her.</p>
<p>            “Warden,” Eamon didn’t even bother to address her by name.  “You are supposed to be down in the throne room, mingling with the nobles.  Why are you up here?  You have a duty to the people as their commander.”</p>
<p>            “Speak of the demon,” Zevran slowly stood, his movements languid and relaxed.  “What brings you here, Eamon, making demands of our beautiful, wounded warrior goddess?”</p>
<p>            “Wounded?”  Eamon’s eyes tried to search Selene, but Leliana moved to block his view.  Her own gaze was calm and steely.  “Were you hurt, Warden?”</p>
<p>            “Her name is Selene,” Wynne’s voice was cool, firm.  “I believe you should use it rather than an arbitrary title.  Perhaps you could use Commander in front of others.”</p>
<p>            “I prefer the formality,” Selene spoke up.  “Perhaps that would remind you to stay out of my personal life.  You talked with Alistair shortly after the Landsmeet, Eamon, what did you say to him?”</p>
<p>            “I merely reminded him of his duties as king and helped set up a plan for Ferelden’s future,” Eamon assured her.  “There was nothing that touched personal lives, merely that which affects all of our people.”</p>
<p>            “But you reminded him that he needs a queen the nobles will accept, didn’t you?”  Zevran leaned casually against a bed post and crossed his arms.</p>
<p>            “Of course,” Eamon obviously refused to think there was anything wrong with that.  “That is why many of the nobles have brought their daughters to this party.  Yet our Alistair is running from the girls, rather than charming them as I know he can.  You seem to find him charming, Commander.  Which is why I need you to also talk to him downstairs.  Then you can mingle with the nobles who forces you command.  It is your duty after all.”</p>
<p>            “My duty?”  Thunder cracked in the air and none of Selene’s friends made a move at first to stop her.</p>
<p>            “Eamon,” Wynne finally spoke.  Her voice was that of a teacher who was done putting up with a petulant student’s crap.  “It is not your place or <em>your</em> duty to remind a Grey Warden of her duty against the darkspawn.  We’re here to save Ferelden.  You seem to be here to further your own political agenda.  Tell the nobles that we are leaving for Soldier’s Peak, an old Warden fortress, tomorrow morning and are resting.  You’ve done more than enough and should pray to the Maker that you do not one day feel its repercussions.  Good night.”</p>
<p>            Eamon sighed and walked out of the room.</p>
<p>            “Idiota con cara de mierda,” Zevran hissed after the arl.  “He doesn’t even deny what he did to our sweet Templar.”</p>
<p>            “Now I know for sure,” Selene took another drink.  “And Alistair listens to whatever he says, he’s his beloved uncle.  His beloved uncle who let Isolde banish him to the stables and then send him to the Chantry.  He thought he was being childish when he refused to see Eamon after that, it was the smartest thing he’d ever done.  Now, he…” Her breath shuddered and Leliana wrapped her arms around her.  “He made his choice.”</p>
<p>            “Don’t let him win,” Zevran sat back down, this time on her other side.</p>
<p>            “He already has.”  Selene didn’t notice the thunder that cracked outside her window or the lightning that followed.  The rain fell as her tears did so.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. We Don't Skip Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene and Alistair try to adjust to life apart.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Even the sun is dimmer when you wake up alone, after having gotten used to waking up beside someone you love more than life itself, Selene realized.  It was the second morning she had done so and it was no easier than the first one.  At least the previous morning, she’d had Leliana and Zevran both passed out on her bed with her.</p>
<p>            Now, she lay in her tent, curled up in her bedroll by herself.  She blinked at the walls of her tent.  The sun was indeed out, it just didn’t seem any brighter.  She told herself to pull it together and get on with life.  The archdemon wasn’t going to wait for her to get over her broken heart and she had a promise to keep to Levi Dryden.  They would be entering the caves leading to Soldier’s Peak that day and she had things to do before she set out.</p>
<p>            Selene took time combing out her hair and dressing.  She exited her tent to find her companions already gathered around the fire.  There was a pot of porridge set over the flames and most had bowls in their hand.  She knew she should eat, but she couldn’t convince her stomach to venture to eat the rolling oats.  Instead, she grabbed a basket and walked to Bodhan. </p>
<p>            “Do you need to trade for goods?”  Bodhan’s eyes brightened.  “I picked up new stock in Denerim.”</p>
<p>            She’d already picked up supplies there.  “No, I just wanted to tell you that we’ll likely be gone for several days while we secure the fort.  You could go to Highever or Amaranthine to trade while we do.”  She hoped he would take her advice.  He seemed to have little variety in his stock for the last couple of months.  She then made her way to Wynne.  “I’m going to go hunt for herbs.  I should be back in a couple of hours.  Keep an eye on things for me.”</p>
<p>            “Take someone with you,” Wynne advised.  “You shouldn’t be out there alone.”</p>
<p>            “I’ll be fine,” Selene assured her.  “This isn’t the Circle where I need a Templar to watch me where ever I go.”  She swallowed as she realized she had had an ex-Templar, or ex-Templar in training, with her where ever she went.  Well, that time was past and she would rather be alone now.  “I’m fine,” she insisted again and walked away.</p>
<p>            Selene had barely stepped into the trees, when she heard a foot step behind her.  She whirled around, summoning a barrier around her.  She wasn’t aware of the sound of thunder above her. </p>
<p>Alistair stood behind her; one eyebrow raised.  “That’s a new reaction to seeing me.”</p>
<p>She was glad it was thunder and anger that reared up instead of tears.  “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“I’m going with you.”  From the tone of his voice and his expression, it was apparent that he felt that should be obvious and found nothing wrong with his actions. </p>
<p>“Did Wynne tell you to accompany me?”  She would kill the other mage if she had, but it didn’t seem like Wynne’s style.  She wasn’t cruel.</p>
<p>“What?”  Alistair blinked at her in confusion.  “No.  I’ve always gone with you when you pick herbs.”  He really didn’t seem to know why he shouldn’t do so anymore.</p>
<p>She shot a bolt of lightning at his feet and took a petty pleasure when he jumped back.  “Do you really think I want you with me now?  You can’t just tell me you are staying away from me… forever… and then think you can just come walk with me now.  You made your decision and it wasn’t me.  Stay away from me.”  She whirled around and rushed further into the woods.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alistair stood staring after Selene.  He wasn’t sure what he should do, whether he should return to the camp or chase after her.  He’d walked and talked with her as she gathered herbs since before the fall of Ostagar.  He admitted that the first time he’d accompanied her, he hadn’t spoken much; but he’d enjoyed their companionable silence.  Just because he had to step back from her, it shouldn’t mean that he had to give up their friendship.  She was his best friend.  But now she seemed to run from him, as if he were as vile as Loghain or Howe.</p>
<p>“I hope you hadn’t expected her to go skipping into the woods with you hand in hand.”  Zevran had snuck up on him, unseen.</p>
<p>“What?”  Alistair blinked at him.  He had never seen Selene skip before, which was a bit of a shame.  “We don’t skip together.”</p>
<p>“You two don’t do anything together, not anymore,” Zevran patted his shoulder.  “You saw to that back in Denerim.”</p>
<p>“I walked with her while she collected herbs and flowers since I’ve known her, long before we… admitted our feelings and… acted on them,” Alistair protested.  “We have always been friends, why should that change?”</p>
<p>“You changed things, Alistair,” Zevran pointed out.  “Then you changed them again.  When you change things, things change; things you didn’t mean to change do change.  Her heart is broken; I was there when you broke it. You cannot pretend that didn’t happen. You refuse to be her lover, and you cannot be her friend. Did being made a king turn you into someone so selfish as to think you can tell others how to feel? Are your feelings as changeable as you want hers to be?  I envy you if they are.”  He moved as if to follow Selene.</p>
<p>“Zevran,” Alistair stopped him.  “My feelings… I don’t think they’ll every change.  I love her more than life itself and I know I will until the day I die, longer even.  It would be so much easier if I could stop.”</p>
<p>Zevran looked at him over his shoulder.  “Yes, I’m sure it would be, my friend, for both of you.  You made this bed and you must lie in it.  That means leaving her alone.”  He stealthily pursued Selene.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene knelt in front of a bush, carefully pulling up elfroot from under it.  As she placed it in her basket, she noticed a sprig of Andraste’s Grace.  Leliana would appreciate it.  Her friend had taken to putting springs in her pack to make her clothes and armor smell like it.  Her victims would smell the lovely, floral sent moments before being dispatched to the Maker.</p>
<p>She stood and noticed another bush.  It was a group of bushes, a group of rose bushes.  She found tears bubbling up in her.  Sweet Andraste, would she never be able to look at a rose without crying ever again?  A simple plant held way too much sway over her.</p>
<p>“It’s the Maker’s way of telling you that you can give yourself your own roses,” Zevran approached her.</p>
<p>Selene sniffed and wiped away a tear that had managed to escape.  “I thought you were staying in the shadows, so I didn’t have to talk to anyone.  Or did you think I didn’t know you were there?”</p>
<p>“I…”  Zevran bristled.  “Of course, I know you knew I was there.  I am a master assassin.  I could hide from you if I wanted to.”</p>
<p>She smiled.  She’d wounded her friend’s pride, but listening to Zevran’s boasts brightened her heart a bit.  “Of course.”</p>
<p>“Here,” Zevran sauntered around her and picked one of the flowers, presenting it to her.  “Now, when you see a rose, you’ll think of me.”</p>
<p>No, she wouldn’t.  Still, she took the flower.  “Thank you, Zevran. I…”</p>
<p>“So, what do you suppose we’ll find at Soldier’s Peak?”  Zevran changed the subject.  “And how will your daring Antivan friend end up saving you?”  He continued on, more extravagant than usual, obviously trying to bring a smile from his friend in pain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Soldier's Peak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene and her friends find Soldier's Peak.  There is some infighting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“See, I got you here and with no trouble,” Levi Dryden proclaimed as Selene emerged from a series of caves and into the land that held Soldier’s Peak.  “Maker’s breath, look at the size of her.  What a fortress.”</p>
<p>“Admit it, you got lost there for a bit,” she was sure he had.</p>
<p>“The map just got a little wet, that’s it,” he defended himself. </p>
<p>She thought he had just been trying to escape from her and her friends.  <em>At one point, she’d stumbled over a fallen rock and Alistair had rushed to her side, slipping his arm around her.  She’d shrugged the arm off.  He had no right to put it there anymore and she was afraid of what she might do if he kept it there, like throwing herself into his arms and begging him to unbreak her heart.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>The moment she’d pushed Alistair away, Morrigan had pounced.  Morrigan seemed angrier than usual, especially at Alistair.  She was touched by that, knowing that Morrigan was irate at Alistair having hurt her.  “So, am I to understand that you and Selene have ended your relationship?”  Morrigan had acted as if she hadn’t been right there when Alistair had crushed Selene’s heart.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Shut up,” Alistair had growled.  Selene had been shocked by the vehemence in his voice, considering he had been the one to end things.  “That is none of your business.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Selene had almost spoken up at that moment to remind him that he’d made it everyone’s business when he’d dumped her in front of them all.  Of course, it was her friends’ business anyway.  Did they not have a right to know that their leader had been emotionally compromised.  Selene almost snorted now at that thought she was emotionally compromised she wondered if the Grey Wardens would let her out of the Joining over that or if Alistair should ask her to step down as leader of Ferelden’s Forces.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What?”  Morrigan had challenged.  “No questions allowed?  You do not wish your motivations…?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I said shut up!”  Alistair had shouted the words.  “I will run this sword through you, I’m not joking!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oooh,” Morrigan had mocked.  “I see.  Most serious then.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“This discussion is over,” Alistair insisted.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh, a threat from a little boy.  That will certainly silence me,” Morrigan chuckled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Selene whirled on Alistair.  “You will not threaten my friends like that!  If you raise your sword against Morrigan, you can expect a bolt of lightning up your ass, Alistair.  That will be before I really hurt you.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>He took a step back and looked hurt.  Hurt!  He’d ripped her hear out and stomped on it and now he threatened her friends when they brought up the results of actions, and he </em>dared<em> to look hurt when she defended them.</em></p>
<p>Now she looked up at Soldier’s Peak, it rose over the mountain and reached into the sky.  It seemed impressive enough.  Restoring the fort could help the Grey Wardens, as soon as they made more of them in Ferelden that was.  “How did you find this in the first place?”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Levi insisted.</p>
<p>“Try me.”  Selene has a companion that swore the Maker sent her visions.  She’d seen several things that made her believe that, too.</p>
<p>“It came to me in a dream,” Levi revealed.  “When I was a lad, I tried to get through the tunnel by myself.  I got horribly lost.  But every now and then since, I dreamt of it.”</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you mention these dreams before?”  Selene wanted to know.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want you to think I was some moon-addle minded simpleton,” Levi protested.  “I’ve my wits about me, but enough of that.”</p>
<p>“In this group, being moon-addled and not having your wits doesn’t seem to make a difference,” Morrigan informed him.  “Selene will still let you follow her.  Just ask the half-wits.”  She gestured at her companions.  The dog growled at her and then barked.  “And he’s the brightest of the lot,” she added.</p>
<p>“Well, I still have me wits about me,” Levi insisted.  “I’ll follow you… from a distance.  This place has the stench of death.  I expect there’s trouble up ahead.”</p>
<p>Great, Selene had somehow picked up a coward.  That was all she needed now.</p>
<p>“Soldier’s Peak,” Alistair looked around.  “It looks like it’s seen better days.  Better centuries, more like.”</p>
<p>“Just like your relationship with Selene,” Morrigan dug.</p>
<p>Selene slowly walked up the stairs that led to the gates.  The portcullis was raised, almost as if inviting them to come in.  But when she stepped under it, the air around her shimmered and forms appeared.  Those forms didn’t seem to know she was there.  They were acting out something that had happened hundreds of years before.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fall back, fall back already,” a dark-haired man in heavy armor commanded.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Taking the Peak will not be easy,” a man in chainmail commented.  Selene assumed it was one of the invader’s lieutenants.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I gave the Wardens once chance to die with honor,” the invader declared.  “Instead, they hole up like cowards.  We follow the king’s advice then, starve them out.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“But the Peak has months of supplies,” the lieutenant objected.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then we wait,” the invader, as Selene now thought of him, declared.  “When they are too weak to lift their weapons, we will send them to their final judgement.”</em>
</p>
<p>The air shimmered again and the figures disappeared.</p>
<p>“Wh… what was that?”  Levi was shaking.  “I felt a bit woozy there.  I’m not mad, am I?  You saw it, too?”</p>
<p>“I’ve heard of an Orlesian ballad about something like this,” Leliana revealed.  “It was a beauty trapped in a dream.  In the song, Bellissa never woke up.”</p>
<p>Levi looked from Selene to Leliana and back.  “Your pretty friend here is making me nervous, Warden.  How’s this even possible?  This place must truly be haunted.”</p>
<p>“It’s a remnant, not an active haunting,” Selene assured him.  She tried not to snap at him, but Maker she hated it when people just called her Warden.  When Duncan conscripted her, did she cease to be Selene?  “This sometimes happens when the Veil is thin somewhere, like it apparently is here.”</p>
<p>“The Veil?”  Levi was apparently such an idiot that he hadn’t heard of the Veil.</p>
<p>“It’s what separates us from the Fade, the world of spirits and demons, and our world.”  She tried to explain it patiently.  She could hear Morrigan gritting her teeth behind her.</p>
<p>“Demons?  Thank Andraste you came, Warden!”  Levi exclaimed.</p>
<p>“My name is Selene, not Warden,” she reminded him.</p>
<p>“Selene,” Levi corrected himself.  “After you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alistair watched as Selene investigated every crook and cranny outside of the main fortress.  There were a couple of statues.  She seemed fascinated by them.  He knew her well enough to know that she’d be speculating about who they were and what they had done to have their likeness captured in stone.</p>
<p>He still couldn’t believe that she’d threatened him, <em>him.</em>  The woman he loved more than anything had threatened him.  He supposed he had really lost his temper with Morrigan, and for some reason Selene was fond of the witch, but she’d pressed.  She’d tried insisting he talk about him and Selene and the fact that there was no longer a him and Selene.  It hurt, sweet Maker, it hurt.  He still wanted to hold his darling enchantress close.  He wanted to stand by her side and see her smile, he wanted to be the cause of that smile.  But he knew he’d done the right thing.  If he’d waited until he’d found a queen the bannorn would embrace and who could give him an heir, he wasn’t sure he could have let Selene go then.  He had had to break with her immediately.</p>
<p>Besides, it wouldn’t have been fair to let her believe they had a future together, not when he knew he had to sacrifice her for duty’s sake.  He remembered Wynne saying something about duty possibly coming between them.  Selene had told the older mage that that wouldn’t happen, that they’d find a way to stay by each other’s side no matter what.  Now, he’d had to prove her wrong, but that didn’t mean she had to shut him out of her life completely. </p>
<p>Alistair squared his shoulders and began to march towards her.  That was when the undead had attacked.  Walking skeletons, risen from both sides of the battle hundreds of years before hefted swords and crossbows against them.  He cut the closest one to him down and hit another with his shield, as he rushed to Selene’s side.  He moved in front of her, as a large skeleton swung a sword at her, taking the blow with his shield and then using his sword to cut off the creature’s head.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?”  Selene demanded.  She stepped around him and hit one of the creatures with a fireball, before summoning lightning to fry another.</p>
<p>“I was protecting you,” he pointed out the obvious.</p>
<p>“You took my kill!”  She was outraged.  “That was my kill!”</p>
<p>“I…”  He stammered.  Was she serious?</p>
<p>“Look, I tolerated that type of behavior when we were together, but we aren’t anymore,” she declared.  “I will not stand for you taking my kills!”  She trapped two of the skeletons in an electric cage.</p>
<p>“Darling, I was trying to protect…”  He began.</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t you dare try to darling me!”  She was truly angry.  “That’s the last of them,” she announced to their friends.  “Let’s go inside.”  She stormed up the stairs.</p>
<p>“Let me give you a piece of friendly advice, Alistair,” Zevran slipped an arm around Alistair’s waist.  “A gentleman never takes a lady’s kill.  Remember that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moment Selene stepped into the main fort of Soldier’s Peak, another ghostly memory of the past played out before her.</p>
<p>
  <em>A man in mage’s robes addressed a raven-haired woman in Grey Warden armor.  The armor was nice, royal blue with silver griffons on it.  “The men’s morale is low,” the mage was saying.  “My spells are of no use in this matter, Commander.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“There is more to leading than sorcery, Avernus,” the Commander declared.  “I will remind them they are Wardens.”  She turned, addressing the other ghostly figures.  “Men… I won’t lie to you.  The situation is grim.”  She went on with her speech.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As the ghost rallied her men, Selene looked around.  There was a notice on the door.  It was a declaration from the Wardens, explaining why they were fighting the king.  They had all signed it.  She read the names carefully wondering who each of them was, what they were like, what their hopes and dreams were.  She found herself wanting to know if any of them had been in love.  Perhaps one of them had had their heartbroken as she had.  Maybe one was a mage who was just happy to free of the Circle and refused to ever be imprisoned in one again.  When she turned back, the Commander was still giving the speech.  As she ended, the other ghostly figures cheered.</em>
</p>
<p>“So brave, even when starving,” Levi was obviously impressed.  “And my great-great-grandmother stood with them.</p>
<p>“Was King Arland a tyrant?”  She’d read about him in the history books she’d managed to get in the tower and he sounded bad, but she hadn’t heard all of the sides of his story.</p>
<p>“Not much is known of King Arland,” Levi tried to claim.  “The war of succession that followed his death, now that was a piece of work.  Lasted nearly a decade, and almost burned Denerim and the palace to the ground.  Loads of history was lost, but maybe there are answers inside.”</p>
<p>“The reason there was a war of succession is that King Arland stole his throne and tried to kill off anyone else with a good claim,” Morrigan revealed.  When the others looked at her, she shrugged.  “What?  Of course, my mother insisted I learn history and she was around at the time.  You forget just how old she is.”</p>
<p>Flemeth was indeed old, Selene knew that.  She was the Flemeth of legend and had to be hundreds of years old at the youngest.  Selene entered the next room, only to be attacked by an arcane horror.  She threw a bolt of lightning at it, even as Leliana unleashed arrow after arrow.  They stopped when Sten moved in their way.</p>
<p>“See, it’s not just Alistair,” Leliana growled.  “Now Sten is taking our kill.  It really is rude.  It’s like these warrior type believe they are the only ones who can kill monsters.”</p>
<p>“You’re just trying to make me less made at Alistair,” Selene accused.</p>
<p>Leliana shook her head.  “No, you have every right to be mad at him.  I’m still mad at him on your account.  I think we should keep firing the next time one of the warriors get in our way, though.  That’ll teach them.”</p>
<p>“Now young ladies, you are not going to injure your companions just to teach them a lesson,” Wynne chastised them.</p>
<p>The arcane horror was followed by two rage demons, but Morrigan blasted them with shards of cold before they could fully emerge from the floor boards.</p>
<p>Selene investigated the remains, but only found a single health potion.  When she went into the next room, she found herself in the barracks.  A contingent of skeletal archers stood poised in front of the sleeping cots, their bows were all aimed at the door.</p>
<p>Sten tried to push his way into the room, only to be reprimanded by Morrigan. “If you take a step in front of me, I shall merely blast through you.”</p>
<p>Leliana unleashed her own arrows as Selene sent chain lightning in.  Morrigan then blasted them with cold. </p>
<p>“Are we supposed to stand here and watch?”  Oghren demanded.</p>
<p>“Yes, you obviously didn’t learn to fight with mages around, but I know you had archers,” Wynne’s voice was firm.  “Did you make a habit of running in front of them?”</p>
<p>“He’s just trying to steel our kills, like the rest of the warriors,” Selene confided.</p>
<p>Soon, the archers were dead and they moved in to loot… investigate… the area.  As Selene turned, she noticed Levi in the corner, cowering.  She rolled her eyes. </p>
<p>“It’s safe,” Leliana assured Levi going to him and guiding him along gently.  “We’re not going to let you die.”</p>
<p>“We’re not?”  Morrigan objected.  “It’s not like we need him anymore.”</p>
<p>Selene secretly agreed with Morrigan, but didn’t voice her opinion.  Levi was becoming a millstone around their necks.  She didn’t want him to die, but she didn’t want his cowardice to get any of her team killed, either.  She continued moving.  Most of the rooms were clear, but the library had somehow attracted some demons.  The moment she walked in; three rage demons crawled out of the floor.  She and Morrigan froze them and then let the warriors go wild.  Soon, they were just ash.  She found the archivist’s book near one of the piles, it was badly burnt and she could only make out some of the passages.  She picked up the book and began to read.</p>
<p>As soon as she began to read out loud, ghostly figures appeared to recount the events for themselves.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>The archivist stood over the book, which now sat at a table.  Other mages stood near him, they all looked frantic.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“The door won’t hold Archivist,” a female mage warned.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Almost done…”  The Archivist didn’t sound concerned at all.  “The truth must be told.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What does it matter?”  The female mage through her arms up.  “We’re dead.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Our grand rebellion… so close… And to die here a stillbirth,” he pouted over the book.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We never should’ve done it,” the female mage insisted.  “Wardens aren’t supposed to oppose Kings and princes.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Should we stand idly by while…?”  The Archivist was cut off by a loud bang.</em>
</p>
<p>The scene faded out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Another one… Rebellion?”  Levi griped.  “What’s this about rebellion?  If only the book weren’t burned.”</p>
<p>“There might be more clues further in,” Selene hoped there were.  She was curious as to what could have driven the Grey Wardens to not only get into politics, but rebel.</p>
<p>“Grey Wardens aren’t allowed to get involved in matters of state,” Alistair sounded hurt.  “They really rebelled against the king.”</p>
<p>“But Sophia must have had her reasons,” Levi insisted.  “The Wardens are heroes.”  His voice became firm.  “Some injustices can’t be ignored.”</p>
<p>“Would you have wanted to spare Loghain, because his actions were a matter of state?”  Selene challenged Alistair.</p>
<p>“No, but if we hadn’t gotten involved in the Landsmeet…”  He shook his head.  “Then maybe I wouldn’t now be king and we would still be together.”  The last part was said softly.</p>
<p>“It was your choice to insist that the former meant the latter could no longer be.”  She quickly moved up a staircase before he could say more on the matter.  She didn’t care what the Grey Wardens espoused, she wasn’t leaving a monster like Loghain, or his malicious daughter, on the throne of Ferelden… or any throne for that matter.  Perhaps she wasn’t Grey Warden material, that’s what she’d tried to tell Duncan.  The only time she’d been happy being a Warden was…  She viciously cut off her thoughts.  She couldn’t keep thinking of what would never be again.</p>
<p>She noticed a fireplace on a large landing.  The fire was lit.  She turned to ask anyone else if they thought it was strange, but a conversation between Zevran and Alistair reached her ears.</p>
<p>“I still don’t understand why she doesn’t understand why I had to distance myself from her now,” Alistair whined to Zevran.  “If I didn’t do it then, I wouldn’t be able to later.  I thought we’d just take a bit a time apart and then go back to being friends.  I don’t want to lose her friendship.”</p>
<p>“Alistair, there is something you need to realize; you're not friends you'll never be friends.  You'll be in love until it kills you both you'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till makes you quiver but you'll never be friends; lovers and brains, man, it's blood, blood screaming inside you to work its will.” Zevran’s voice was losing some of its usual suaveness.   “This is what happens when you change something, things change.  You two took the friendship you’d formed and peaked at what was beneath and you found the truth.  The truth that already sang in your blood.  Then you decided to try and still that river of blood.  You wanted to reverse its flow and go back to a friendship that was never truly what it seemed.  You can change the course of a river, but you cannot control what will happen when you try and change the course back.  You do not decide what is now where the river once was.  The river bed is still there, but the farmers and animals have moved.  You thought you could spend a bit a time away from her and move the course of the river back to where it was before you embraced your full feelings for her.  However, while your ex-lover is still there, your friend has moved.”</p>
<p>“She’s right there,” Alistair protested.</p>
<p>“No, that is your ex-lover,” Zevran insisted.</p>
<p>“She’s Selene,” Alistair obviously didn’t get the difference.  “How I feel about her hasn’t changed.  Why should the way she feels about me do so?”</p>
<p>“That’s what happens when you rip out a girl’s heart and stomp on it,” Leliana’s voice was strangely cheerful.</p>
<p>“If Branka had loved me half as much as our boss loved you, she wouldn’t have ever left me,” Oghren declared.  “So, she obviously loved you more all along.”</p>
<p>“No, I…”  Alistair began.</p>
<p>“Perhaps you should threaten them all with your inadequate sword,” Morrigan interrupted.  “I’m sure then they would agree with your point of view.”  Her tone was extremely patronizing.</p>
<p>Selene decided to ignore them.  After all, Alistair would just push her away again if she tried to talk to him about her feelings… or his.  She turned and rushed up the rest of the stairs.  She found herself in a large room and the air shimmered around her as more remnants of memory materialized around her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Sophia was yelling at the other Grey Wardens.  “Make them pay with every inch, men!”  She fought against the Ferelden invaders.  She’d killed a few, when she turned to a nearby mage.  “Avernus, we need you!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The mage spoke in the ancient tongue.  Selene’s blood chilled as she recognized the words.  It was dark, forbidden magic.  Even as she watched, he summoned a demon to fight for him.  The fool!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Andraste’s Blood!”  One of the invaders swore.  “Wh… what?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“More Avernus,” Sophia commanded, lifting her sword.  “Whatever it takes!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The idiot continued, still speaking dark words in the ancient tongue.  Another demon appeared at his command.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Press them!”  Sophia shouted, not realizing how idiotically stupid she and Avernus were being.  “Press them now!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The second demon grabbed a Grey Warden mage and threw her against the wall.  The blood splatter from where her head hit stone was still as bright and as fresh as if it were happening now.  It then attacked another Grey Warden that just happened to be running by.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No!”  Avernus said the command as if he were reprimanding a Mabari that had gone potty on his favorite rug.  “I command you, fight the king’s men!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The demon obviously thought Avernus was funny.  It laughed and turned to him.  “Fool!  So much death, suffering, and, oh yes… blood.  The Veil is torn now.  Your soul is mine Avernus.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Avernus slowly walked backwards, away from the demons.  “Acolytes… retreat now.  The battle is lost.”  When he reached the stairs that led further up, he turned and ran.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Avernus!”  Sophia shouted after him.  </em>
</p>
<p>The scene faded again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What just happened?”  Levi was trembling again.  “Oh, no, more fighting!”  He went to find a corner to cower in as an abomination appeared, along with several bodies of dead Wardens.</p>
<p>Selene was getting tired of the little coward.  She threw an electric cage around the abomination as her companions engaged the shades.  This place needed some sort of cleansing and somehow Sophia Dryden’s descendants had turned out to be mewling chickens. </p>
<p>Alistair engaged one of the dead Wardens, hitting it with his shield before he cut off its head.  Sten and Oghren ganged up on another one.  The third was taken down by a swarm of bees, which was really Morrigan in one of her animal forms. </p>
<p>The cage dissipated, leaving the abomination wobbling.  Selene followed up with a freezing spell and then a bolt of lightning.  It lay in a pile of melting ash on the floor.</p>
<p>Levi came out of his corner, shaking his head.  “The Wardens summoned demons.  I can’t believe it.  And my grandmother… she knew.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for stating the obvious.”  Selene had to force herself not to roll her eyes. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Morrigan drawled. “Usually Alistair does that. It’s good to hear another voice for a change.”</p>
<p>“Morrigan, please…” Selene sighed. Then she turned her attention back to Levi.  “Grey Wardens do allow any methods to be used in their fight against the Blight.  They may have had Blood Mages among them.”</p>
<p>“I believed my family was better than that,” Levi insisted.  “But answers may lay up ahead.”</p>
<p>Selene doubted Levi wanted those answers, but refrained from pointing that out.  She noticed something laying on the nearby ashes and picked it up.  It was a rather nice staff that reminded her of winter.  There was a smell about it and it was cool to the touch.  She then turned her attention to the stairs that she’d seen Avernus run up.  “I suspect Sophia’s office is up there.  Let’s go find it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Dangerous Herbs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene leads her team through Soldier's Peak.  There is more fighting.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sophie Dryden’s office was about where Selene expected to find it.  It had been almost expected that she would have to fight more undead to get to it.  She hadn’t expected to find a jar of raspberry jam, however.  She wasn’t sure if she was surprised or not that the jam still appeared to be good.</p>
<p>She was definitely surprised when she walked into the office and found Sophia staring into the fireplace.  “Step no further Warden.”  The sound of Sophia’s voice confirmed that she was possessed.  Sophia wasn’t the first possessed person Selene had met.  When she turned around, Selene decided that Connor had at least looked better.  She quickly realized that, unlike in Connor’s case, Sophia’s body was deceased.  “This one would speak with you.”</p>
<p>“And why should I speak with you?”  Selene wanted to know.  She’d never heard of demons who referred to themselves in the third person.  It threw her off her game for a moment.</p>
<p>“Because this Peak is mine,” the Sophia demon declared.  “This one is the Dryden, Commander, Sophia; all these things.”</p>
<p>“G-grandmother?”  At least Levi hadn’t retreated to a corner to cower, at least not yet.</p>
<p>“You have slain many of the demon ilk to get here,” the demon declared.  “This one would propose a deal.”</p>
<p>“Levi, your grandmother is a possessed corpse,” Selene informed him.</p>
<p>“Either that or she’s really let herself go,” Levi agreed.  “My great-great grandmother is dead.  I don’t know what that is.”</p>
<p>“It is a possessed corpse, Selene told you that,” Morrigan pointed out.  “I just don’t know why she is still talking to it.”</p>
<p>“It started talking to me first.”  At least that was Selene’s excuse.  “You’re right, we should get to killing it already.”  She captured the demon possessed Warden’s corpse in a static cage.</p>
<p>“Fool!”  The Sophia demon tried to attack her from the cage, waving its sword at them.  Four corpses appeared to help her.</p>
<p>“I really wish they would stop doing that,” Alistair grumbled, even as she beheaded the closest one.</p>
<p>“It is getting annoying,” Oghren agreed.  He leapt on another corpse and split its skull in two.</p>
<p>Zevran had taken on the third one.  “Come to Zevy.”  He wheeled his dual swords in an intricate pattern, before hacking at the animated corpse with both.</p>
<p>The cage collapsed and the demon charged out.  Selene failed to step back fast enough and the edge of Sophia’s sword caught her arm, cutting her.</p>
<p>There was a cry of rage and Alistair appeared between the mage and possessed body.  He pushed Selene back as he cut off Sophia’s head in one brutal gesture.  He then sheathed his sword and grasped Selene’s arm.  His touch was gentle as he raised it up.  “How badly are you hurt.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” Selene was so startled that she didn’t think to pull her arm back away from him.</p>
<p>Wynne grasped Alistair’s shoulder.  “I’ll see to her.”</p>
<p>“What if her sword was coated?”  Alistair fretted.</p>
<p>“This isn’t the first time either of you have been hurt,” Wynne reminded him as she applied her healing magic to Selene’s arm.</p>
<p>Selene found herself staring into Alistair’s frantic eyes as Wynne easily knit her skin back together.  She wanted to comfort him and assure him that she was fine.   She even found herself reaching for him before she remembered that that was no longer her place.  He was no longer hers to comfort, much less embrace.</p>
<p>She turned away and noticed Levi was staring out the door, his back to the action.  She was shocked that he hadn’t been killed.  She also noticed a book on Sophia’s desk.  She went to it and opened it up.  It was Sophia’s journal.  She took it and then turned her attention to the armor Sophia had been wearing.  It was in perfect condition.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From Sophia’s office, Selene and her friends found a door to a bridge that connected to another tower.  On the bridge were more undead and large bear traps.  She had visions of the Wardens having to battle bears along with the king’s men.  Ferelden did have plenty of bears, that was for sure.</p>
<p>It was no surprise when yet more undead greeted them in the second tower.  Had no one bothered to burn the bodies from the last battle at Soldiers Peak?  When the last one had fallen, Selene found herself facing a set of doors on either side of a table. </p>
<p>Selene slowly approached the table.  There were several books, a clay jar, and tattered notes.  As she began to read through the notes, they were rather disturbing.  Sophia had let Avernus use human subjects for his experiments.  He was using Grey Wardens and trying to find a way to change the taint in their bodies.  She couldn’t be sure if he was trying to augment their powers or find a cure.  Part of her found it fascinating, the other part was completely repulsed.  As she continued to read, she realized the clay bottle contained the culmination of his work.</p>
<p>She picked up the bottle and examined it, wondering what the contents would do to her.  She didn’t notice that Alistair now had the notes in his hands until she uncorked the bottle.  “Stop!”  He commanded her. </p>
<p>She sniffed the contents.  They smelled… herbal.  “There’s only one way to know what this will do.”</p>
<p>“Selene, no,” Alistair pleaded.  “We don’t know what it will do.  I don’t want to lose you!”</p>
<p>Selene gave a bitter little laugh.  “You don’t have to worry about that, you already threw me away.”</p>
<p>“I…”  He swallowed.  “I had to step away.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t still love you.  I told you I did, I always will.  I can’t let you risk yourself like this.”</p>
<p>“I welcome the risk,” she declared.  “I can’t keep doing this Alistair!  You dumped me and told me that I’m not good enough to be queen, so I’m not good enough to be with you.  Then you want to walk in the woods with me again and you think you must protect me.  You freak out when I get hurt.  Yet you then remind me why you had to <em>distance yourself from me</em>.  I welcome not having to live like this any longer!  You can’t pull me close and then push me away again.  I’m not your yo-yo!”</p>
<p>“It’s hard for me, too,” Alistair whined.  “You don’t… Selene!”</p>
<p>She tilted the bottle and drank its contents.  “You were saying?”</p>
<p>“How does it taste?” Wynne wondered.</p>
<p>“It has a metallic twinge to it and there is something floral in it as well,” Selene assessed.  “But mostly herbs.  It reminds me of chamomile tea.”</p>
<p>“Do you feel any different?”  Morrigan pressed.  “We should have experimented on Alistair; you are too important to risk like this.”</p>
<p>“Selene,” Alistair pleaded.</p>
<p>“Let’s find out what’s through those doors,” Selene stepped away from him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She walked into a large room, where the bodies of Avernus’ victims were still pinned to the wall and corpses were trapped in cages.  At the top of a small staircase stood an elderly man, bent over a book.</p>
<p>Selene tried to contain her shock.  It had been over a hundred years since anyone else had stepped into Soldier’s Peak.  There was only one person this could be.  How he not died from the Calling or old age?  “Avernus.”</p>
<p>“I hear you…”  It was the same voice Selene had heard in the visions.  “Don’t disrupt my concentration.” </p>
<p>Selene looked at her companions.  She’d only experienced this type of devotion to studies at that level of arrogance amongst grand enchanters.  She slowly approached the stairs, even as she looked around.</p>
<p>Avernus, finally, turned to her.  “Even now the demons seek to replenish their numbers.  Are you to thank for this welcome, but temporary imbalance?”</p>
<p>“You could say that,” Selene nodded.  “You’ve survived here all of this time?”</p>
<p>“Only just,” he snorted.  “I have only a short time left.”</p>
<p>“Careful,” Leliana cautioned.  “This… man,” she obviously didn’t think of him as a reasoning, feeling person, “has dabbled in matters forbidden by the Maker.  He may look frail, but don’t trust him.”</p>
<p>“So, the Maker told you that, did He?”  Avernus challenged.  He and Leliana went on trading barbs as Selene tried not to roll her eyes at the old man.  She had an urge to kill him, but knew that might not be in her best interests.</p>
<p>Levi, finally, broke them up with a question of his own.  “What happened here?  What happened between the Wardens and Arland and… my great grandmother, Sophia Dryden?  I must know.”</p>
<p>“What use would story telling serve?” Avernus continued to be a dick.  “The tyrant, Arland, is long dead.  As are all of our co-conspirators in the rebellion.  Sophia’s corpse may walk and talk, but she, too, is no more.”</p>
<p>“This is ridiculous,” Selene declared.  “Are you done talking yet?”</p>
<p>She then found herself stuck in a looping conversation with the ancient mage for twenty minutes.  She kept trying to figure out his attentions and what to do with him, but instead found herself in circular conversations.  It seemed his isolation had gotten to him and he wanted everyone to ask him questions, even if he didn’t want to answer them.</p>
<p>“Enough!”  Alistair’s voice was firm.  “What is it you want us to do?  What are you willing to do?  We need just those two questions answered.”</p>
<p>Selene could have kissed him, but that would have been a bad idea.</p>
<p>“Let me undo my greatest mistakes,” Avernus pleaded.  “Let me cleanse this place.  Then… Then, I will accept whatever justice you feel I merit.”</p>
<p>“Agreed,” Selene agreed.  She led the way out.</p>
<p>As they walked back over the bridge, Levi started speaking of his problems again.  “Master mage, uh, ser. My family’s name has been worth less than dirt for over a century.  Do you have any proof that Sophia was a hero?”</p>
<p>“Ah, you’re the boy who braved the mists,” Avernus patted his shoulder.  “So, you heeded my call.”  His laugh reminded Selene of Flemeth’s.  “You are a Dryden?  The cosmos has a sense of humor.  Oh, by the way, there is no proof to be had.  Deal with it.”</p>
<p>Selene looked over at Alistair, who was glaring at Avernus.  “Thank you for…”  She trailed off as Alistair turned the glare on her.</p>
<p>“Tell me if you feel any side effects from that potion you decided to guzzle to spite me,” he growled.  “I’ll have Wynne try and find a cure.”</p>
<p>He was being pissy with her now?  Usually he reserved that tone for Morrigan and only when she really got to him.  She guessed he now lumped her in with the rest of the mages and she’d seen his Templar training show through more than once.  “Don’t bother,” she hastened her step towards the other end of the bridge.  “I’m sure your future queen would prefer to have all of your exes dead.  As long as I live to kill the archdemon, everyone else will be fine.”  Wasn’t that all nobles thought mages were good for, fighting their wars and making their lives easier?  Why had she expected more from her prince?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was stony silence by the time they were back in the large room where they’d seen Avernus summoning demons in the past.</p>
<p>The mage in question moved to the middle of the room.  “We must act quickly.  The demons are clawing at the gate.  The Veil must be closed.  I will unravel the summoning circles I drew so long ago.  Waves of spirits and demons may come through.  Dispatch them.”  He paused, as if for drama.  “I will begin.”  He turned towards a trio of mirrors.  “First I must summon the magical energies.”  He waved his arms.  “I feel them.  They’re coming!”</p>
<p>“Good!”  Selene shouted at him.  “Get on with it already!”</p>
<p>Avernus began to wave his arms in an even more dramatic manner.  She was pretty sure he was just putting on theatrics.  What did all of that time alone do to him?  Finally, a trio of rage demons appeared.</p>
<p>Selene and her friends went to work on wave after wave of demons.   Magic and steel flashes as they cleaned out one group after another.  The rage demons were followed by shades.  Then came the wraiths.  Finally, was a desire demon.  Selene wondered as she struck it with lightning, if the desire demon hadn’t controlled Sophia or Avernus at one point.  As the desire demon wheeled back from the lightning, Alistair lunged at it, cutting into it. </p>
<p>He followed that with a shield bash before her beheaded it.  He flashed a smile at Selene.  “I think we work well together.”</p>
<p>She returned the smile.  They did make a good fighting team.  Maker, she missed his comradery already.  She then turned to Avernus, who stood calmly in the middle of the room.</p>
<p>“I said I’d submit to judgement, and so I shall,” he acceded.  “Can I be left to experiment in peace?”</p>
<p>After all of that, his experiments were all he cared for.  Still, she wondered what had been in that bottle she drank.  “Fine, but no more human experiments.  Your experiments must all be humane.”</p>
<p>“What, no humans?”  He pouted.  “Fine, I agree.  No unwilling human sacrifices.”</p>
<p>“That’s not what she said,” Alistair protested.</p>
<p>“Just make sure they’re humane,” she repeated.</p>
<p>“It may take months or years for my research to reach fruition,” Avernus predicted.  “When it does, I will send for you.  Thank you for this, Warden.”         He walked slowly back to his office.</p>
<p>“You’ve done it, Warden!”  Levi walked up to her.</p>
<p>“Avernus was rude enough not to ask my name, you know it,” Selene reprimanded him.</p>
<p>“Of course, Warden Amell,” he corrected himself.  “It’s just, Soldier’s Peak is safe again.  That old geezer, Avernus, deserves the gallows if you ask me, but… people will do queer things to survive.  But if he does proper research… without the sacrifices and blood magic and all… maybe he’ll turn up something good.  But there was no proof to redeem my family.”</p>
<p>“Don’t keep looking to the past,” Selene advised.  “Look to the future instead.”</p>
<p>“For so long, I was focused on the past on answers.  But I think I would have been better off to stay at home,” Levi decided.  “Enough of that, though.  I find myself at a loss.  You’ve got a whole fortress now.  I suppose I should start plying my trade again.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t a bad idea,” Selene agreed.  He definitely should not become a mercenary.  He was helpless in a fight, less than helpless.</p>
<p>“My cousins have been looking for a safe place to store trade goods,” he mused.  “And the Peak will do nicely.  Whatever the Drydens have to offer is yours, at a sizeable discount!”</p>
<p>Alistair smiled proudly and threw an arm around Selene’s shoulders.  “Looks like we’re done here.  A demonic invasion thwarted; a Warden base safely rescued.  We do good work.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. If it was right, why does it feel wrong?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alistair mopes.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If something was right, why would it feel so bad?  Alistair questioned this as he stared at Selene’s tent.  He was sat in front of the campfire, half listening to Oghren and Wynne compare the best ways to make wine.  He hadn’t realized both were connoisseurs.  They had left Soldier’s Peak the morning before.  They had spent an extra day there, as Selene had had some metal she found in a crater turned into a staff. </p>
<p>He hadn’t known she had any blacksmithing abilities, but she’d stepped up beside Michael Dryden and begun expertly manipulating the ore.  He’d immediately asked where she’d learned such skills, having been raised in a mage circle.  She’d simply told him that such things were no longer his business.  She’d seemed so happy, so calm swinging a hammer.  Not like his delicate mage at all.  He gave a little laugh; he’d always known she wasn’t really delicate.  At least not all of her, he had to admit that her pride and heart were more vulnerable than he’d realized.  He hoped they hadn’t grown a coat of armor due to his bumbling attempts to remove himself from them, before he found himself unable to leave at all.</p>
<p>As he watched the tent, he realized that part of him was unable to leave.  He’d separated himself from her, but It seemed his own heart had stayed behind.  He knew he’d have to marry someday and the thought left him cold.  That was why he now sat by the fire, rather than laying alone in his Maker forsaken tent.</p>
<p>“Are you all right there, sparky,” Oghren sat down next to Alistair.  He followed Alistair’s gaze.  “I wouldn’t try to sneak in there if I were you.  I don’t think she’ll let you play Tumble and Grind with her anymore.  You’ll have to find someone else to grease the old bronto with.”</p>
<p>Alistair felt his temper rising, he really didn’t like to talk about what had happened between him and Selene.  He took a breath and reminded himself that, unlike Morrigan, Oghren was his friend.  “Are you propositioning me, Oghren?”  He joked.  Alistair hoped it was just a joke.</p>
<p>“You wish!”  Oghren laughed.  “Everyone wants what the Oghren has, but none of you can handle it.  I’m loyal to Felsi anyway, that shrew would not take too kindly to others imbibing of this manly goodness.”</p>
<p>“No, she wouldn’t,” Alistair smiled.</p>
<p>“It’s good to see you smile again, Alistair,” Wynne sat on the other side of him.  “It will be even nicer when she does, too.”  She nodded towards Selene’s tent.  “As soon as this is over, you two can part ways and never have to see each other again.  That will make the healing easier for you both.”</p>
<p>“But she’s the head of my armies,” Alistair objected.  “There is no reason for that to change.”  Despite knowing he had to separate himself from Selene, the thought of never seeing her again made his heart race and his breath shorten as panic gripped him.</p>
<p>“Yes, there is.”  Wynne patted his leg.  “Things are changing and you can’t stop them.  All you can decide how you will react.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Disciples of the Old Ones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Disciples of the Old Ones, an evil cult, plot to help their beloved Old Gods.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killsin Durant, the high priest of the Disciples of the Old Ones, sat at the head of a large table.  The other priests and priestesses, like him, were dressed in black robes.  In the middle of the table were several lit candles and an athame.  “…And we shall return the world to the Old ways and our gods shall be returned unto us.”  He finished reciting his prayer.</p>
<p>“All hail the Old Ones!”  Those around the table exclaimed in unison.</p>
<p>“Things are progressing quickly,” Killsin informed his priests.  “The Great One known as Urthemiel has risen in Ferelden.”</p>
<p>“All hail Urthemiel!”  The others chanted before he could continue.  “May he purge the faithless!”</p>
<p>“He is in his Archdemon form and has shown himself outside of the Deep Roads,” Killsin continued. “This time, the Wardens of the Grey, or the Wardens of the Dark as they are more appropriately called, will not destroy the Old God.  His soul shall not be banished to the Abyss, where it must wait for us to open the gates so He can return.”</p>
<p>“No, this time He shall rule supreme and we shall return the Old World!”  Priestess Forsaken Guthrie declared.</p>
<p>“He shall return!”  The others repeated.  “All hail the Old One!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Redcliffe Roast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene and her friends arrive in Redcliffe</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were villages and towns that thrived and then there was Redcliffe.  The first time Selene had come to the town, they had been under attack by the walking dead.  Things didn’t feel better this time. </p>
<p>When Selene had come before, Alistair had stopped her as they approached the village.  He’d had a confession to make and seemed ready for her to crush him as a result of the secret.  That was when he’d revealed that King Maric had been his father.  She had, indeed, been shocked and hurt.  She’d asked him before about his paternity and whether he was sure that Arl Eamon hadn’t sired him.  She’d asked pointed questions about his family even before then; he hadn’t told her.  He’d claimed he didn’t want her to treat him any differently.  She now knew the result of letting his parentage factor into her decisions, he dropped her like a hot potato.</p>
<p>This time, he didn’t even look at her as they approached Redcliffe.  She glanced over at him, covertly several times, but he never even looked in her direction.  She was greeted by one of the villagers as she rode in.</p>
<p>“Thank the Maker you are here!”  The villager breathed heavily.  “I thought I could make it from the castle to my home and back before they got here, but I was too late!”</p>
<p>“Before who got here?”  There was fear in Leliana’s voice.</p>
<p>“The darkspawn!”  The villager declared.  “They’re here!” </p>
<p>“Get back to the castle,” Selene ordered.  Even as she looked towards the village, she saw smoke beginning to rise into the air.  “We’ll take care of the darkspawn.”  She turned her horse and urged him into the village.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The darkspawn were burning everything in sight.  They seemed rather put out that the villagers had left before they got there and they were taking it out on their property.</p>
<p>“Wynne, I want you to take Sten and Zevran,” Selene ordered.  Clear out everything near the river.  “Morrigan, Help Oghren near the tavern and market.  Leliana and I will take the area around the Chantry.”</p>
<p>“What about me?”  Alistair protested.</p>
<p>She was so used to having Alistair by her side, she hadn’t even thought about it.  “Take Barkspawn and make sure everything around the Smithy is free from Darkspawn.”</p>
<p>“The smithy isn’t far from the chantry,” Leliana reminded her as they peeled away.  “You can see him from here.”</p>
<p>“There are plenty of darkspawn over there,” Selene pointed out as she hit a Hurlock with her staff, before hitting a genlock with a bolt of lightning.</p>
<p>“Are you sure…”  She stopped as a large ogre lumbered towards Alistair.  “Oh.”</p>
<p>“Shit,” Selene moved to go help him, but another ogre appeared to her right.  It was charging at her.  She side stepped, even as she threw a crushing cage over it.  Then she summoned a storm.  The sky darkened as lightning shot from the incoming clouds.  One went through the ogre that had attacked her, causing its skin to blacken.  It still howled in defiance, until Leliana put an arrow through its eye socket.</p>
<p>Selene turned to help Alistair and Barkspawn, but even as she watched Alistair jumped, his sword flashing and landed on the ogre’s back.  His sword was buried at the top of the ogre’s spinal cord.  He rode the creature as it fell to the ground.  Maker, he was so enticing.  He didn’t seem to notice her eyes on him as he pulled his sword out of the darkspawn and began slashing at its companions.</p>
<p>“We’re done here we should go help… Barkspawn,” Leliana suggested.</p>
<p>Selene just nodded and directed her personal storm to where Alistair was, hitting darkspawn after darkspawn.  One of the bolts hit close to Alistair and he turned to her, glaring.  “Are you trying to kill me?  Don’t you still need me to help fight the archdemon?”</p>
<p>“Sorry!”  She would always need him, but that was her pain to bare and not something she wanted him to know.  She sent a bolt of cold at genlock, even as Leliana moved to protect their perimeter.</p>
<p>It was only half an hour, before the rest of their companions finished and joined them.</p>
<p>“That seems to be all of them,” Wynne assessed.</p>
<p>Selene looked around.  She couldn’t see any others.  “Let’s get to the castle and make sure there are no darkspawn there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Redcliffe castle was quiet when they arrived, if one could count only a couple of dozen darkspawn as quiet.  The Wardens and their companions easily sent the creatures to the Maker’s punishment or would that be reward as they were not responsible for their actions after they had become tainted?  Perhaps they just set their souls to rest, Selene pondered the question even as she slaughtered her enemies.</p>
<p>  Selene had fought off the undead the first time she’d been in its courtyard.  She’d also killed Eamon’s heir during that visit.  She could still hear Isolde begging for her son’s life, but what was one to do when an abomination attacks them?  She had just been trying to check on Earl Eamon before leaving him to get help from Kinloch Hold and the boy had charged her.  She’d defended herself.</p>
<p>Yet she could still see the looks of horror on Isolde and Alistair’s face.  Truth be told, she hadn’t cared how Isolde felt.  The woman had just made Connor’s situation worse.  But Alistair’s reaction had hurt, especially when he’d verbally attacked her at camp.  She had yelled back, though.  She was tired of him stepping back and insisting she lead, then he dared to strike out at her when he didn’t like her decisions.  Wasn’t that what he’d done after the Landsmeet, as well?  She suffered, because she was being forced to make hard decisions and others didn’t like the result.  But they refused to do the hard work themselves.</p>
<p>One way or another, that would all end soon.  They would face the archdemon and if they didn’t defeat it, they’d likely be dead.  Or they would win and then go their separate ways.  Either way, her merry little band was about to end. </p>
<p>“Warden Amell!”  One of the guards greeted her at the main doors.  “You’ve finally arrived, thank the Maker!  Eamon will want to know at once.  I was told to watch for your arrival.  Your comrade, Riordan, arrived just ahead of the darkspawn attack.  He has urgent news for you!”</p>
<p>“Riordan stayed in the castle and left you out here to fend off the darkspawn.”  Selene needed clarification on this.  A Grey Warden had hid in the castle and left a group of guards to fight the very darkspawn he was supposed to be protecting them against.</p>
<p>“Yes, my lady,” the guard confirmed.</p>
<p>“Do you know why he’s here?”  She might as well find that out before she talked to the Warden who seemed to have an aversion to fighting, whether it be Howe’s men or darkspawn.</p>
<p>“I don’t rightly know,” the guard admitted.  “Things happened so fast.  I only know he was scouting in the south before he arrived.”</p>
<p>“Fine, let’s go.”  Selene wouldn’t put it past Riordan to have brought them with him at this point.</p>
<p>“I shall take you to the hall right away, my lady,” the guard opened the doors.  “They’ll be waiting for you there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Riordan was talking quietly with Eamon and Teagan when Selene walked into the main hall.  Selene didn’t know why that bothered her, but it did.  She realized that here were three men who seemed determined to control her and her life.  She’d had enough of that at the Circle.</p>
<p>Riordan turned and took a couple of steps towards her.  “It is a relief to see you unharmed.  And you as well, Alistair… or should I say Your Majesty?”         </p>
<p>“Er… no,” Alistair got a pinched look.  “No, I wouldn’t say that.  Not yet, anyway.”</p>
<p>“You either are the king or you’re not.”  Selene couldn’t believe he was trying to act as if he weren’t the King of Ferelden, when his first act as king had been to get rid of his inappropriate mistress.  That was all she had been to him, after all.  He hadn’t been in the relationship for the long haul, like she had.  She’d foolishly believed they’d fight to be together always, fight and win.</p>
<p>“She’s right, Alistair,” Eamon reprimanded him.  “You are the king and you can’t forget that.”</p>
<p>Riordan apparently didn’t care what Alistair’s title was.  He suddenly seemed to care about the darkspawn, despite having let the raze the village.  “The darkspawn that attacked were relatively few in number, I’m afraid.  It was assumed they were marching in this direction… but that is not true.”</p>
<p>“Riordan tells us the bulk of the horde is, in fact, heading for Denerim,” Eamon added.  “They are perhaps two days away from the castle.”</p>
<p>“What?”  Alistair’s voice showed his upset and his words came faster and faster.  “Are we sure about that?  I mean… if that’s true…”</p>
<p>“I ventured close enough to ‘listen in’, as it were,” Riordan assured him.  “I am quite certain.”</p>
<p>“Did you send word to Denerim?”  Selene wanted to know.  “We must warn them.</p>
<p>“Word has been sent,” Eamon assured her.  “But they need more than warning.  They need our armies.”</p>
<p>“There is, I’m afraid, one other piece of news that is of even greater concern,” Riordan revealed.  “The archdemon has shown itself.  The dragon is at the head of the horde.”</p>
<p>“Maker preserve us,” Eamon swore.</p>
<p>“But we can’t reach Denerim within two days, can we?”  Alistair objected.  “It’s too far.”</p>
<p>“We must begin a forced march to the capital immediately,” Eamon declared.  “Denerim must be defended at all cost.”</p>
<p>“And what if Denerim is just a distraction and they really are aiming at Redcliffe?”  Selene was pissed off that these men seemed to forget that they’d put her at the head of the army and now they were deciding where to send them, assuming she’d just do what they wanted.  And hadn’t she been?  Perhaps not willingly, but they were getting whatever they wanted and now they seemed to be acting like she was invisible as they decided where to send the army that she’d spent the last year accumulating.</p>
<p>“Perhaps not,” Riordan admitted.  “But what is important is that we know where the archdemon will be.  If we do not defeat the archdemon, it will not matter if Denerim or Redcliffe are saved or if the horde defeated.  And only the Grey Wardens can defeat the archdemon.  That is why we must go.”</p>
<p>“Then we march, and hope the army we’ve collected here gives us the chance we need.”  Alistair sounded like the king he was.  “Arl Eamon, how long before the army can set out?”  Once again, Alistair seemed confused about who he’d put in charge.  Just how much hold did the arl have over him?  It seemed insurmountable; she knew it was more than any hold she’d ever had over him.</p>
<p>“By Daybreak,” Eamon answered Alistair.</p>
<p>“Then let’s get them ready.”  Alistair sounded more and more authoritative.  “I won’t let all those people die without giving them a chance.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t we just leave now,” Selene suggested.  She had no reason to stay in Redcliffe castle longer than necessary.</p>
<p>“No,” Alistair disagreed.  “You’re tired and there may be darkspawn waiting for us in the dark.  We’ll leave in the morning.”</p>
<p>He cared that she was tired?  Why did that warm her heart?  She was pissed and she wanted to stay that way.  She didn’t want her heart softening.  Next, she’d be sighing over him again.  Maker help her.</p>
<p>“I will give the orders at once,” Eamon announced.  “And will notify you the moment we are ready to march.”</p>
<p>“That would be appreciated,” Alistair’s voice softened as did his stance.  She wondered when he’d started the tougher, more regal, posture.</p>
<p>“Then if you and Alistair could meet me before you retire, we have Grey Warden business to discuss.”  It took Selene a moment to realize that Riordan was talking to her and not Eamon.  For a second, she’d wondered why he was discussing Grey Warden matters with the arl.  He did seem to have decided that Eamon was the one in charge, so why not?</p>
<p>“I will have someone show you to your rooms,” Eamon added.  “I suggest you get some rest, while you can.  We will need it.”</p>
<p>Riordan and Alistair both walked away.  Apparently, they already knew where their rooms were.  She saw Teagan and Eamon exchange a glance and the arl went off in search of his servants or so she assumed.  “It’s good to see you again, Teagan.”  She thought she was making small talk.</p>
<p>“And you,” he held out an arm.  “Why don’t I just show you to your room.  There is no need to wait for the servants to do so.  They can take care of your friends.”</p>
<p>“Well, thank you,” she took his arm.  He had been the only one not talking as if she didn’t exist earlier.  He hadn’t seemed to be able to get a word in edgewise, either.</p>
<p>“I heard what happened in Denerim.”  He led her up a flight of stairs and down a hall not far from where she’d had to end his nephew’s life.</p>
<p>She was a bit confused.  “A lot of things happened in Denerim.  Which one do you mean?”</p>
<p>“You and Alistair,” he clarified.  “I hear that he… well, you and he…  you aren’t together anymore.”</p>
<p>“No, we’re not.”  Was there a reason he was bringing up such a painful subject?  She had to admit that with as mad as she was with Alistair at the moment, she wanted to seek his arms for comfort.  They would be marching into battle, against the archdemon, in a matter of hours.</p>
<p>Teagan stopped at a door and touched her cheek.  “When we first met, in the chantry, I must admit that I found you to be intriguing.  You were beautiful, brave, and kind, any man would be lucky to have you.  I think you were flirting with me at that first meeting.  I admit to flirting back.  But we had a battle ahead of us and there was no time to… act on that interest.”</p>
<p>Selene felt her heart beat speed up.  She admitted to herself that she’d flirted with him, but her heart had already belonged to Alistair.  It was a heart he’d since ripped out and crushed under his boot, but she found she could not easily alter her feelings.  “What are those interests?”  Was that encouraging him?  She wasn’t sure.</p>
<p>He grinned at her and then leaned down and kissed her, trapping her between his torso and the door.  He moved in even closer, leaving no doubt about what his exact interests and intentions were.  She reached out and opened the door, stepping back quickly.  </p>
<p>She almost smiled when he stumbled, but he managed to catch himself before he hit the floor.  “We still have a battle in front of us and I have Riordan insisting on talking to me.  Besides, we hardly know each other well enough for that sort of thing, good ser.  I do not know your full intentions and have already given my… interests to someone who lied about what his were.  I thought he was offering me things he later told me he could not.  How do I know that you aren’t just interested in a tumble and then will remind me of my lowly status as a mage and how I’m not good enough to be by your side on a long-term basis?”</p>
<p>“Selene?”  He protested.  She could tell he was still… interested.</p>
<p>“How?”  She repeated.  “All I know is that I’m not acceptable to be at your king’s side.  What would make me acceptable to a bann?  Would I be wife, mistress, or just a fun tumbling partner.  I no longer know and must take things slowly.  Very, very slowly.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I must check on my allies and then find Riordan.”  She strolled quickly out the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She found her dwarven allies back on the first floor.  They were quietly talking about one of the houses that had failed to send the men they had promised.  That would be a problem.  “Is everything all right?”  She interrupted them.</p>
<p>“Fine,” one of them assured her.</p>
<p>“Nothing that can be helped now,” the other added.</p>
<p>“Just make sure you get a good night sleep,” she instructed.</p>
<p>They both nodded.  “Yes, my lady.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” she had a thought.  “Arl Eamon hasn’t tried ordering you around, has he?”</p>
<p>“He tried,” the first one admitted.  “He stopped when we stared at him like he was the idiot that he is.”</p>
<p>“Good,” she nodded.  “I’m off to find Riordan.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Swamp Witch Suggestions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Morrigan has a proposal and Selene has an answer.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Selene had a couple of servants point out to her where Riordan’s room was.  She didn’t know what he wanted to discuss, but she was sure she wasn’t going to like it.</p>
<p>She found Alistair waiting outside the door for her.  “There you are,” he greeted her, all of his old warmth back in his voice.  She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.  “Let’s go see what Riordan has to say.”  Without thinking about it, he grabbed her hand and led her through the door.</p>
<p>“You’re both here,” Riordan greeted them.  “Good.  You’re new to the Grey Wardens and you may not have been told how an archdemon is slain.  I need to know if that is so.”</p>
<p>“You mean there’s more to it than, just say, chopping off its head?”  Alistair asked.</p>
<p>Riordan gave them both a pitying look.  “So, it is true, Duncan had not yet told you.  I had simply assumed… Tell me, have you ever wondered why the Grey Wardens are needed to defeat the darkspawn?”</p>
<p>“I always thought it had to do with the taint in us and whatever happened when you guys forced us through the joining,” Selene responded.</p>
<p>“That is exactly what it involves,” Riordan confirmed.  “The archdemon may be slain, as any other darkspawn, but should any other than a Grey Warden do the slaying, it will not be enough.  The essence of the beast will pass through the taint to the nearest darkspawn and will be reborn anew in that body.  The dragon is thus all but immortal.”  He paused for dramatic affect and looked at them both.  “But if the archdemon is slain by a Grey Warden, its essence travels into the Grey Warden instead.”</p>
<p>That didn’t sound pleasant.  “And what happens to the Grey Wardens?”  Selene wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer, but she needed to.</p>
<p>“The darkspawn is an empty soulless vessel,” Riordan explained.  “But a Grey Warden is not.  The essence of the archdemon is destroyed and so is the Grey Warden.”</p>
<p>“Meaning,” Alistair paused and moved in front of Selene, facing Riordan directly.  “The Grey Warden who kills the archdemon…. Dies?” His voice betrayed his hurt at this secret.  Selene knew him well enough to catch the nuances.</p>
<p>“Yes, Riordan confirmed.  “Without the Archdemon, the Blight ends.  It is the only way.”</p>
<p>“Why is this such a secret?”  Selene could have used this information with the Landsmeet.  It would have made so many things simpler.  The Templars wouldn’t have objected to Duncan taking her, if they knew she was going to die anyway.”</p>
<p>“We keep it secret for the same reason the Joining is kept secret,” Riordan answered.  “Who would become a Grey Warden if they knew the end that awaited them?  Yet there must be Grey Wardens.  Without us, there is no hope.”</p>
<p>“So, you’re saying that it’s up to us to kill the archdemon.”  Up to the two of them, Selene amended silently.  She wasn’t going to let Alistair die.  “I’ll do it.”</p>
<p>“You will <em>not</em>!”  Alistair objected.  “You are not going to just sacrifice your life to this thing.  Ferelden is my responsibility.  I’ll make the sacrifice if it comes to that.”</p>
<p>“You’re the King of Ferelden,” she objected.  “You aren’t disposable.”  Not to her, he wasn’t.  Despite everything, she still loved him.  She couldn’t bear the thought of the archdemon taking him from Ferelden.</p>
<p>“In the past, when the time came, the eldest of the Grey Wardens would decide which amongst them would take that final blow,” Riordan explained.  “If possible, the final blow should be mine to make.  I am the eldest and the Taint will not spare me much longer.  But if I fail, the deed falls on you.  The Blight must be stopped now or it will destroy all of Ferelden before the rest of the Grey Wardens can assemble.  Remember that.  But enough, there will be plenty to do tomorrow and little time to rest before it.”  He moved to his door, dismissing them.  I will let you return to your rooms.”</p>
<p>So, he told them that at least one of them had to die during the upcoming battle and then sent them to their rooms to sleep.  As if anyone could easily sleep after getting that news.  All Selene wanted to do was curl up against Alistair and assure herself that she could keep his heart beating.  But that was no longer her place and he wouldn’t welcome her to his bed, even just to snuggle… or to just not be alone.  Perhaps she should have taken Teagan up on his lewd offer.  No, she wasn’t the type.</p>
<p>Alistair turned to Riordan as he walked out.  “I will see you once the army is ready to march then.”  He looked back at Selene.  “I guess this will end soon, one way or another.”</p>
<p>“That it does, my friend,” Riordan spoke before Selene could.  “That it does.”</p>
<p>Selene waited until Alistair had left and then turned to Riordan.  “If you don’t take that blow, then I will return from the Maker’s side to haunt you through life.  It won’t be pleasant.”</p>
<p>“If I don’t take the blow, I’ll likely already be dead,” Riordan pointed out.</p>
<p>“Then I will follow you to the Maker’s Side and ensure you suffer for the rest of eternity,” she vowed.  “I won’t chance him.  Not like this.”</p>
<p>“Perhaps you should have let me put Loghain through the Joining, then,” he suggested.  “It’s not like you kept Alistair’s affections after the Landsmeet.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t…”  She let out a low growl.  “That wasn’t about keeping Alistair happy, the man deserved to die for all he did.  If you could put him through the Joining, there was a room full of trained warriors you could have chosen from.  Don’t put this on me.”  She marched out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene was surprised to find her room was not empty when she returned to it.  She was even more surprised to find that it was Morrigan waiting for her.  She was staring into Selene’s fire.  “Do not be alarmed,” Morrigan insisted.  “It is only I.”</p>
<p>“Teagan did proposition me earlier,” Selene admitted.  “I believe I’d rather see you than him again.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be so sure,” Morrigan sighed.</p>
<p>Selene sat down on her bed.  “Is everything all right?”</p>
<p>“I am well.  ‘Tis you who are in danger,” Morrigan assured her.  “I have a plan, you see.  A way out.  A loop in your hole.  I know what happens when the archdemon dies.  I know a Grey Warden must be sacrificed and that sacrifice could be you.  I have come to tell you this does not need to be.”</p>
<p>“It does not need to be?”  Selene repeated.  “What do you mean?  Alistair won’t exactly run away to Orlais with me.”</p>
<p>“I offer a way out,” Morrigan announced.  “A way out for all the Grey Wardens, that there need be no sacrifice.  ‘Tis a ritual performed on the eve of battle, in the dark of night.”</p>
<p>“Just what sort of ritual is this?”  Selene didn’t like the sound of this.  Still, she worried for Alistair’s life.  She was shocked and saddened that it was his, and not her, life that concerned her.  Sweet Maker, she was still in so much pain from his casual disgarding of her that she didn’t value her life that much.  Hadn’t Alistair himself pointed that out at Soldier’s Peak when she’d drank Avernus’ strange concoction?</p>
<p>“It is old magic, from the time before the Circle of Magi was created,” Morrigan explained.  “Some would call it Blood Magic, but I think that means little to one like you; one who already escaped the Circle of Magi and called Templars Dickless Chantry Skirts.”</p>
<p>“Where did you learn this dark ritual?”  Selene was wondering what would be required of her. </p>
<p>“From Flemeth, of course,” Morrigan informed her.  “I have known about it for some time.”</p>
<p>“You knew that I would die when I killed the archdemon and didn’t tell me?”  That hurt, Selene realized. </p>
<p>“Would you have believed me if I’d been the one to tell you?” Morrigan challenged.  “I, who am not a Grey Warden?”</p>
<p>“Good point,” Selene conceded.  “But we are friends, aren’t we?  I would like to think I would have believed you.  What is it you want me to do?”</p>
<p>Morrigan moved back and forth in front of the fire for a moment.  “What I propose is this: You convince Alistair to lay with me; here, tonight.  And from this ritual a child will be conceived from me.”</p>
<p>Selene shot to her feet.  “Are you fucking kidding me!”  Her hand covered her mouth.  Now she was using foul language towards her friends.  Still, she expected that!</p>
<p>“I am serious,” Morrigan insisted.  “The child will bear the taint and when the archdemon is slain, its essence will seek the child like a beacon.  At this early stage, the child can absorb that essence and not perish.  The archdemon is still destroyed, with no Grey Warden dying in the process.”</p>
<p>“So, the child would become a darkspawn?”  The thought of carrying a darkspawn for nine and half months was terrifying.</p>
<p>“Not at all,” Morrigan assured her.  “It will become something different; a child born with the soul of an Old God.”  Morrigan sat.  “After this is done, you allow me to walk away… and you do not follow.  Ever.  The child will be mine to raise as I wish.”</p>
<p>Selene was having a hard time wrapping her head around the concept of this child.  “I want to know more about this child.”  She crossed one of her arms across her chest, almost in a half hug.  Alistair’s words about Grey Wardens not being able to have children were echoing in her head and she found herself wanting to be sure this hypothetical child was safe.</p>
<p>“As you wish,” Morrigan seemed unconcerned.</p>
<p>“The child won’t be hurt, will it?”  She hated to think of it in pain and likely unloved.</p>
<p>“Ignoring that after one night it can hardly be called a child… no, it will not be hurt,” Morrigan assured her.  “It will be changed.”</p>
<p>“Will the Old God’s soul corrupt it?”  Selene rubbed her right arm with her left.  “Will it be evil?  What will it become?”</p>
<p>“Allow me to say that what I seek is the essence of the Old God that once was and not the dark force that corrupted it,” Morrigan claimed.  “Some things are worth preserving in this world.  Make of that what you will.”</p>
<p>Morrigan seemed to already care more for the Old God’s soul than the child she would create.  The poor babe.  “Why Alistair, why not Riordan?”  That was when she realized that it would be Alistair’s baby.  Morrigan would have his child, if he agreed to this, as would the woman who was decreed to be worthy of being his queen.  She found herself jealous of them.  All she would have would be memories that were now tainted by the ending of their relationship.</p>
<p>“Even if I thought Riordan could be convinced, he is unsuitable,” Morrigan insisted.  “I need one who has not been tainted long… it must be him, and it must be tonight.”</p>
<p>“What if Alistair wants to see… h… the child?”  She couldn’t shake the sense of betrayal at her friend for wanting this.</p>
<p>“No,” Morrigan vigorously shook her head.  “This will be my child and my child alone.  I will disappear and he will never see us again.  I have no doubt he may wish to see the child, but he will not.  It is what I ask in return.”</p>
<p>“Why do you even think he would agree to this, Morrigan?”  Selene had broken up enough arguments between the pair and knew some of the more colorful names they had called each other.</p>
<p>“If you care for him, as you seem to, you will convince him to,” Morrigan insisted.  “Consider what the alternative might be?”  She paused a moment to let the options sink in.  “Do you believe Alistair will fail to do his duty as king and save his country?  And if you take the blow instead, he loses the woman he loves.  How do you think he feels about that?  I think you have many good reasons to tell him to save his own life.  I think you should consider them carefully.”</p>
<p>Selene sat back down on the bed.  “The woman he loves?”  She began to laugh, the laugh turned into tears.  She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her.  “He loves some hypothetical woman, who definitely isn’t me.  She is a sweet noble, one not cursed by magic, who will bear him many fine healthy sons.  I’m sure Eamon will adore her and she’ll give him back and foot rubs every night, after she’s seen that the fire is stoked to perfection.  I would just be in the way, if I were even around.  He’s made it very clear that she’s what he wants.”  She buried her face in the pillow for a moment, before taking a deep breath.</p>
<p>“He does love you, no matter what foolish decisions he’s made,” Morrigan insisted.  “He wouldn’t hesitate to make the sacrifice for you.”</p>
<p>Selene sat up straight and squared her shoulders.  “I will be making the sacrifice, Morrigan.”  She found a strange comfort in the thought.  Soon, all of this would be over.  She wouldn’t have to stay in Denerim and watch the man she loved find contentment in the arms of another.  Nor would she have to go where ever the Grey Wardens would send her, instead, finding herself in yet another type of prison after having escaped the Circle of Magi.  No, this pain would finally be over.</p>
<p>“Don’t be a fool!”  Morrigan stood, fists clenched.</p>
<p>“I’ve already been a fool,” Selene wiped away her own tears.  “I also already made my decision.  Morrigan, I couldn’t convince Alistair to stay with me.  There is no way I could convince him to have sex with you.  You’ve seen that I have no power over him, despite what you seem to imagine.  I beg you not to ask me to put myself through the humiliation of trying to convince him.  Didn’t I degrade myself enough after the Landsmeet when I begged him, in front of our friends, not to cast me off.  My pleas fell on deaf ears then.  He doesn’t care about me.  You should go to Eamon and have him convince Alistair.  That is who he will heed, not me.”</p>
<p>“So, be it,” Morrigan stormed to the door.  “You have made your decision.”  She threw the door open and walked out.</p>
<p>Selene walked after her, but the hall was empty save a dog that was slipping to the doors that led to the main hall.  She sighed and went to her trunk, searching for her night clothes.</p>
<p>“Are you all right?”  A familiar voice spoke from the door.</p>
<p>Selene jumped and whirled.  She wasn’t sure if she’d closed the door again, but now Alistair stood in the door way.  “Oh, did Morrigan go and talk to you?”</p>
<p>“No,” he stepped in and closed the door.  “I saw her waiting for you earlier.  The look she gave me was colder than the tops of the Frostback Mountains.”  He shivered.  “If looks could kill…  Then I heard shouting, her shouting, so I came.  Did she hurt you?”</p>
<p>“No,” she assured him.  “We… had a disagreement about my abilities.  I thought you were going to bed.”</p>
<p>“I am,” he strolled quickly across the room to her and stroked her cheek.  “With you.”  His mouth covered hers.</p>
<p>She clung to him for a moment, reveling in his kiss, being pressed up against him, safe in his arms again.  She pulled her mouth back from his for a moment.  “But… we’re… we don’t…”</p>
<p>“I know.”  He released her and pressed his forehead against hers.  “I’m… I know we shouldn’t… I shouldn’t ask this of you.  I just… I need to be with you tonight.  It might be the last chance I get.  No matter what happens tomorrow, I just want my last night to be with the woman I love.”</p>
<p>She knew she should push him away; he would allow her.  Yet his words sunk in.  Part of her heart still fluttered at the words that he loved her; the part left from when he shattered it.  That part reminded her that it would be she who died in the upcoming battle.  Should she deny herself one last night in the arms of the man she still loved, would likely always love?  Could she turn her back on one last memory to hold close, as she went to the Maker’s side?  She tilted her head back to kiss him, even as her hands sought out the fastenings of his armor.</p>
<p>He lifted her into his arms and carried her to her bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Morning After</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alistair wakes to find himself an ally short.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alistair realized he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since the night before the Landsmeet.  Staring at the form beside him, bathed in the moonlight that seeped through the window, he thought it ironic that he was still unable to drift off.  Instead, he propped his head on one arm as he studied Selene’s moon-bathed form.  Her long brown eyelashes fluttered as she breathed deeply.  Her cheeks were soft, almost cherubic when she was this relaxed.  The light sprinkling of freckles on her face were easy to pick out in the silvery globe, he knew every single one well.</p>
<p>            He realized he should try and welcome a visit to the Fade, but this would be the last time he got to lay by her side and he didn’t want to miss a moment of it.  He remembered Riordan’s words and knew what he had to be.</p>
<p>            There was a horrid thought in his mind, wiggling like a worm in an apple, that Selene was planning to sacrifice herself to end the Archdemon.  He couldn’t allow her to do that.  Just because he had to step away from her, from the one thing he loved most in Thedas, didn’t mean he could even stomach the thought of living in a world without her.  He needed her by his side, helping him still.  And when he was gone, he needed to know that she was alive, happy.  She would get to help rebuild the Grey Wardens in Ferelden, as they’d once planned to do together.</p>
<p>            He was faster than she was and stronger.  He was sure that he could get to the Archdemon first.  He would be the one to make the killing blow.  With that determination, he curled around her gently and let himself rest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            The morning in Redcliffe started out early.  Children and spouses saw their loved ones off, as an army prepared to march on their own capital; to save it from the Blight.</p>
<p>            Others joined them; the Dalish Elves, the mages from Kinloch Hold, and the dwarves who had come to help destroy the Blight on the surface.  They gathered together to march to Denerim.  Hoping to stop the Archdemon from destroying the city and then all of Ferelden.  If he did, the rest of Thedas would begin to quickly fall.</p>
<p>            Alistair stopped to check on his friends before addressing the troops.  He’d woken at Selene’s side and wanted nothing more than to hold on to her and stay there with her, but he’d known neither of them could stay.  They’d dressed almost silently.  Then he had kissed her on the forehead and returned to his room.  He’d felt bereft of her almost immediately.</p>
<p>            Now he found her with their friends, talking quietly.  She looked quite upset.  “Selene…”  he stepped towards them tentatively.  “I…”</p>
<p>            “It wasn’t you this time,” Wynne’s voice was gentle.</p>
<p>            “What?”  he blinked at her in confusion.</p>
<p>            “Morrigan decided to leave us on the morn of battle,” Leliana’s voice was almost chipper.  “Wasn’t that just like her?”</p>
<p>            “I…”  Alistair was shocked.  No, it wasn’t like her to abandon Selene.  “She just left?  Did she leave a note?”</p>
<p>            “No,” Zevran shook his head.  He had his arm around Selene.</p>
<p>            “It was a coward’s way out,” Sten grumbled.</p>
<p>            “She…”  Selene slumped a bit against Zevran.  Alistair tried to ignore the jealousy that bubbled in him at the casual intimacy.  “She came to me last night, you saw her outside my room, Alistair.”</p>
<p>            “I did,” he remembered that.</p>
<p>            “Well,” Selene let out a long sigh.  “She wanted me to convince you to sleep with her.”</p>
<p>            Alistair laughed.  “Good one, that’s revenge for all of my bad jokes, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>            “No, she seriously did,” Selene wasn’t joking.  Her face and voice were sober.  “She thought I could convince you to…”</p>
<p>            “Why did she want to sleep with Alistair?”  This was obviously the first Leliana had heard of this, too.  “I… don’t they hate each other.”  She turned to Alistair.  “You two do hate each other, don’t you?  You aren’t harboring some secret desire to jump Morrigan and give her a good thrusting with the old bone, are you?”</p>
<p>            “The what?”  Alistair blinked at her.</p>
<p>            “I haven’t heard that one,” Oghren burped.  “It’s not bad.  They did fight an awful lot.  Maybe it was foreplay.”</p>
<p>            Selene glared at him; her expression was almost what it would be if she’d heard he had indeed done the deed with the swamp witch.  “Did you?  Was that what all that fighting was about?  I’m sorry to have cockblocked you last night!”</p>
<p>            “I have no desire to sleep with Morrigan!”  He couldn’t believe he was defending himself, to his ex, over a woman he couldn’t even stand.  He hadn’t wanted Morrigan to join them in the first place.  He did have to admit that Barkspawn had been the only creature he’d been fine with joining their party.  He really would have preferred it just be the two of them and their dog.  “Why would she want to sleep with me?  Did she…?”  Just the thought of Morrigan thinking of him in that way made him shudder.  He had a vision of her lying in her tent, imagining him, and…  He stomped on the thought even as it made him want to find some way to cleanse all thoughts from his brain.</p>
<p>            “She wanted you to perform a Dark Ritual with her, that she only gave me a vague description of,” Selene explained.  “You’d get her pregnant, but the Archdemon’s soul would go into her unborn child instead of one of us, so neither of us would die.  Then she’d disappear with the child you two produced.”</p>
<p>            “She wanted to perform blood magic so Alistair could knock her up!”  Leliana’s eyes were as wide as saucers.  “Then she would just disappear with his baby?  I wonder if that’s how Flemeth had her.  Wait… what do you mean so neither of you die?”</p>
<p>            “Don’t worry about that,” Selene waved off her concern.  Alistair didn’t want to worry their friends either, so he wasn’t going to tell them what was going to happen when he killed the Archdemon.  “I’m just reeling from yet another betrayal.”  She stood up and straightened her clothes.  “You’d think I would get used to being betrayed and left by now, but it seems I’m still learning.  Give me time and I will know better than to trust that anyone has my back… or I’ll be dead and it won’t matter anymore.”</p>
<p>            “Mio Caro,” Zevran gently grasped her shoulders.  “You know I have your back through thick and thin.  Have I not proven that to you already?  We won’t count when we met.”</p>
<p>            She smiled at him, causing Alistair to try and contain his bubbling jealousy.  He tried to remind himself that he no longer had the right to be jealous of her attentions going to another, even if he had just spent the night before with her in his arms.  He did want her to have people she could trust, didn’t he?  He just wanted her to trust him still.  He wanted to still be the one she bestowed her smiles on.  When had he lost that, the smiles and trust?  There was one other thing bothering him.  “So, she thought I would be OK making a baby and just letting her run off with it?”</p>
<p>            “She thought you’d do anything to keep me from dying,” Selene gave a cute little snort.  “Right, I couldn’t even keep you from…”  She stopped and shook her head.</p>
<p>            He stared at her for a moment.  He realized he would have done it, he would have gone through the ritual and slept with Morrigan to save Selene.  He would do anything to protect her.  Even if she wasn’t with him, he needed to know she was safe.  He needed her happy.  She was far from happy now.  She’d been betrayed and he’d already hurt her.</p>
<p>            He reluctantly moved from her side for a moment and went to address the army they’d gathered.  He ran up the steps of a nearby mill.  It at least put him a little higher than those assembled.  “Before us stands the might of the Darkspawn Horde.”  He moved his arm dramatically, pointing towards Denerim.  “Gaze upon them now, but fear them not!”  He motioned for Selene to join him.  She shook her head a little, but Wynne glared and she moved to the base of the stairs.  Alistair did not react, keeping his face straight.  The men needed to see her as their leader, not someone their king obviously had feelings for.  “The woman beside me has lived in Ferelden almost her entire life, raised in Kinloch Hold.  Now she’s risen through the ranks of the Grey Wardens.  She is proof that glory is within reach of us all.  She has survived despite the odds.  And without her, none of us would be here.”  He motioned for her to join him at his side.  She did so and he moved down the stairs, still talking, but hoping that eyes were on her.  “Today we save Denerim!  Today, we avenge the death of my brother, King Cailan.  And most of all, today we show the Grey Wardens that we remember and honor their sacrifice.  For Ferelden!”  He pointed again towards Denerim, this time pointing directly down the road.  “For the Grey Wardens!”     </p>
<p>            The armies immediately began running down the road.  They were going in the right direction, that’s all he wanted.</p>
<p>            “This is not the organized march I was hoping for,” Selene sighed as she looked after them.  “I hope I can get them back in formation when they’ve tired themselves out a bit.”  She turned to him.  “Between the two of us, aren’t you the one with actual training for this sort of thing?”</p>
<p>            “I trained to be a Templar,” he shrugged.</p>
<p>            “I used to train to escape Templars,” she admitted under her breath.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Quick Marches</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ferelden's forces march to save Denerim.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*Happy Unification Day to any Firefly fans out there.  Go aim to misbehave, my Browncoats.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By lunchtime on the first day of the march, Selene was able to get the soldiers back in some semblance of a controlled formation.  She did so by first yelling at Eamon for letting his men get out of hand.  She easily admitted to herself that she enjoyed yelling at Eamon.  Then she moved on to the dwarves and then Lyanna and her elves.  Finally, she just asked Irving if the mages were making a break for it.</p>
<p>            “Would you try and stop us if we were?”  He laughed.</p>
<p>            “No,” she admitted.  “But I really need your help against the Archdemon.  Irving,” she hesitated.  “I know this may not be the best time, but why didn’t you say something when I was accused of practicing blood magic; along with Jowan?  You knew I was innocent.”</p>
<p>            “I was scared,” he admitted.  “I try to explain what was going on, but I had just thought that Jowan was going to break his phylactery and make a run for it.  I didn’t expect him to suddenly start performing blood magic.”</p>
<p>            “Neither did I,” she admitted.  “In retrospect, perhaps I should have.  He was terrified of the Harrowing.  But… blood magic is much worse than being sent into the Fade.  Whatever happened to his little Chantry Strumpet?”</p>
<p>            “She was sent to Val Royeaux to face reprimand,” he explained.</p>
<p>            She stopped her horse for a moment, as she got her temper back under control.  “They wanted to make me a Tranquil, if not execute me.  Frankly the execution would have been more merciful.  They were definitely going to execute Jowan if he hadn’t escaped and she was just sent to the Sunburst throne to be reprimanded?”</p>
<p>            “She wasn’t a mage,” Irving shrugged. </p>
<p>            No, Selene fumed silently.  She wasn’t and that seemed to make all the difference in Thedas.  She’s lost so much, just because of the circumstances of her birth, while others could seduce those at a disadvantage and only get a slap on the hand for it.</p>
<p>            “I’ve heard rumors that she was imprisoned, don’t think that she wasn’t punished.  And what was her crime, except to love one of us?  Speaking of relationships, what happened between you and the king?”  Irving interrupted her thoughts.  “You two seemed to be getting close when you were last at the tower.”</p>
<p>            She shrugged.  “I’m a mage.  That should answer everything right there.”</p>
<p>            The First Enchanter just nodded.  “So, what are your plans for when you destroy the Archdemon?”</p>
<p>            She sighed.  “I don’t plan to live through this battle.  If, by some miracle, I do; I guess my choices are between serving Ferelden and the Grey Wardens.  Alistair did make me the head of his armies.  The Wardens and Templars might object, though.”</p>
<p>            “You are the reason Ferelden still has an army and you killed their previous Commander,” Irving pointed out.  “Even in the Circle, we heard about that duel.  I think you’ll be able to stay in your present position, if that’s what you want.  The Wardens will have to be grateful to you for dealing with the Archdemon, without most of them, and they’ll protect you from the Templars.”</p>
<p>            “From your mouth to the Maker’s ear,” Selene looked up in benediction.  She moved back to her companions.</p>
<p>            “I should have known that witch would bail on us when we needed her the most,” Leliana was saying to Wynne.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            That night, they stopped late.  Many ate their dinner in silence and slept in their armor.  Selene wondered to Alistair’s tent, wondering what she would find there.  Would he have someone else in there with him?  No, not her Alistair, not after he’d spent the night before with her.  Even if they were no longer together, he wouldn’t just grab a woman he barely knew to… caboodle with.  It was more likely, she’d find Eamon lying in wait for her, to keep her away from his king.</p>
<p>            She stopped right in front of the tent.  What if Morrigan had returned, determined to seduce Alistair herself?  She could find them… no, she realized, she couldn’t.  Alistair’s scream at seeing Morrigan would have been enough to wake the entire camp.  There was a reason Morrigan had gone to her, instead of directly to Alistair.</p>
<p>            She opened the tent flap.  Eamon was, indeed, lying on the tent floor; near the entrance.  She looked to where Alistair slept in the middle and then back down at the arl.  She stepped over Eamon carefully and went to the man who still made her breath stop and her heart beat.</p>
<p>            Alistair rolled over and smiled sleepily as she approached him.  She noted he was sleeping in full armor.  “There you are, my love.  I thought you’d be wedged between Zevran and Leliana as they guarded you from any who would disturb your sleep.”</p>
<p>            She doubted he was aware of what he’d just called her.  If he was, he’d be explaining why she wasn’t his love anymore.  Instead, she addressed the second half of what he’d just said to her.  “Is that what Eamon is doing, keeping you from being disturbed?”</p>
<p>            “So, he claimed, before he fell promptly asleep.”  Alistair reached up and took her hand.  Then he used his grip to pull her down to his side.  “I’m afraid he’s getting too old for forced marches.”  He pulled her against him.</p>
<p>            She lay her head on his pillow and snuggled against him as much as his armor and her leather coat would allow.  “Didn’t you leave him in Denerim as seneschal?  What was he doing in Redcliffe when we got there?”</p>
<p>            “I asked him that,” Alistair admitted.  “He claimed that he had heard his city was in danger and rushed home.”</p>
<p>            “Leaving Denerim exposed,” she yawned.  She was already falling asleep.  “He’s going to owe the survivors of the capital and apology.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Breakfast Interrupted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Darkspawn attack Denerim... not everyone makes it out alive.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No disease is more dangerous than a bad husband, for if a woman catches that Pox, she’ll languish from it her entire life.  Anora couldn’t remember where she’d hear that advise, but she clung to it now as she stared at the top of the canopy of her bed.  She had contemplated marrying Cailan’s brother, but there was no way his pseudo uncle would let her near him.  Now the only way out of her predicament was to wed again and she hated it.  Why should her power be limited by her marital choices?  But she’d tried to grasp the power she had through her husband and lost her own.</p>
<p>            She’d been informed, the night she’d been locked in this room, that Gwaren would go to whomever King Alistair bequeathed it to and not to her.  She’d lost her inheritance, but not her position of birth.  She was still the daughter of a teyrn and a woman who had proved her worth to the bannorn.  It had been Eamon who had gloated to her about the loss of her family’s seat, so she couldn’t consider Teagan as a possibility.  He followed his brother’s lead in almost everything.  It was too bad, she liked his look and charm; although, he was rumored to be a bit of a coward.</p>
<p>            She rolled over onto her stomach and stared at the nearby stand, which held a small pile of books.  When the Blight was over, there would be plenty of widowers to choose from.  She just had to find a way to see them.  Perhaps Eamon would find himself in the Archdemon’s belly and she could set her sights on Alistair after all.  She heard he’d tossed aside his noisome fellow Grey Warden and he seemed biddable enough.</p>
<p>            Her stomach growled, bringing her attentions to other needs.  She stood and knocked softly on her door.  After several moments, it opened and a guard poked his head in.  “Yes, my lady?”</p>
<p>            “I haven’t received my breakfast yet and am famished,” she informed him.  “Could you see what is keeping Erlina?”</p>
<p>            “I’ll send someone.”  He voice was respectful, but he still shut the door firmly and relocked it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Neither Anora, nor the guard had any idea what had been happening outside the palace districts walls.  Erlina had gone to the Market district that morning.  She knew her lady liked the spiced rolls from a particular baker and there were rumors of a new tea that was being brought in.</p>
<p>            She had just added the rolls and other pastries from the baker when the gates burst open.  A huge ogre rumbled in.  It grabbed a nearby guard and crushed the man, armor and bones made a distinctive crackling sound.  Screams erupted and those around her ran; some for their homes, others were determined to find a way out of the city.</p>
<p>            Erlina knew she had to get to Anora and find a way to save her lady.  She maneuvered around those who ran in the opposite direction.  A beefy man collided with her, sending her to the ground.  The contents of her basket scattered as a ringing sound echoed in her head.  She forced herself back to her feet and turned back towards the palace.  She would make it.</p>
<p>            The Hurlock on her left didn’t care about her goals.  Nor did it care about her feelings or her love of another as it closed its teeth around her neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Anora heard the shouts from outside her room and then running footsteps.  What had happened now?  Had the bannorn decided to come throw her in Fort Drakon?  She wanted her breakfast first.  She knocked on her door and waited.  Nothing.  She knocked harder, there still wasn’t an answer.</p>
<p>            She waited a few moments.  This was not acceptable.  She would not be treated like this.  “I order you to open this door!”</p>
<p>            There was a loud crash and the door opened.  An ogre lumbered in and grabbed her.  She screamed as it lifted her up.  He opened his mouth and screamed back, spraying her with spittle.  Then the mouth closed around her golden head.  He tossed the rest of her body back on the bed as he spit the head back out, against the glass of her window.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Aggressive Negotiations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Battle of Denerim Begins...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Every day is a negotiation,” Selene informed her troops.  “And sometimes it’s done with swords and magic!”</p>
<p>            The people cheered at her words.  They could see the gates of Denerim already and they were in flames.  The Darkspawn Horde was there.  She raised her staff and summoned a storm.  “Men, let’s go negotiate!”</p>
<p>            As she led the army to the gate, she saw an army waiting for them.  A genlock held one of the guards by the throat.  She saw the guard’s eyes widen.  Then the sword sliced and those eyes went dim.  She lifted her hand and lightning struck the genlock, frying it.  Her soldiers took it as their signal and they swarmed the darkspawn.</p>
<p>            It was more of an extermination than a heated battle.  The darkspawn who’d been left at the gates were easily cut down, but there were a lot of them.</p>
<p>            Then, in the middle of the battle, there was a roar.  The Grey Warden all looked up to see the Archdemon flying overhead.  Selene wondered if the weakest darkspawn had purposely been put at the gates to lull them into a false sense of security or to make them overconfident.  The Archdemon was trying to lure them in.  If he could sense them, as they could him, he likely knew that there were only three in Ferelden.  He just had to kill them.</p>
<p>            When the gate was swept free of the darkspawn, Riordan approached her.  She wondered if he’d thought of a way to make things worse.  “You managed to fight your way to the gate,” he stated the obvious.  “We’re doing better than I’d hoped.”</p>
<p>            Better than he’d hoped.  Was he expecting her to die against the gates of Denerim?  Did he secretly work for the Archdemon?  With her luck, he did.</p>
<p>            “That will change quickly,” Sten grumbled.</p>
<p>            Great, the Qunari expected her to die before she reached the Archdemon, too.  Did no one have any confidence in her?</p>
<p>            “Bloody nug runners!”  Oghren swore.  “We’re outnumbered three to one.”</p>
<p>            “What are we to do now, Riordan?”  Wynne asked the senior Warden.  “You have a plan, I assume.”</p>
<p>            Yep, it appeared that despite how far she’d come, none of her friends had any confidence in her.  Even Wynne, had thrown her over to follow Riordan.</p>
<p>            “The army will not last long,” Riordan declared.  “So, we need to move quickly to reach the Archdemon.  I suggest taking Alistair and no more than two others into the city.  Anyone else you can leave here to prevent anyone from entering Denerim on our tails.”</p>
<p>            It took Selene a moment to realize that Riordan was talking to her and not Wynne.  He had never said her name and seemed to defer more to the elder mage.  Selene realized she was still not quite eighteen, but that didn’t mean she had no idea what she was doing.  She also thought only taking three others with her to battle through the bulk of the horde was ridiculous.  “I’ll take care of that in a minute,” she lied.  “Do you have any advice before I go in to face the Archdemon, which you’re supposed to kill.”</p>
<p>            “Nothing has prepared you for what you face now,” Riordan claimed.  “There are two generals somewhere in the city.  You can try to slip pass them or take them on yourself.  You need to get to the highest point in the city to draw the Archdemon.  That would be Fort Drakon.”</p>
<p>            Selene really suspected that Riordan wasn’t planning to kill the Archdemon himself as he had claimed.  She would just have to do it herself.  She wondered if it would hurt when she died or if it would be a welcome relief.  Still, she wasn’t going to let the Senior Warden off the hook that easily.  “I’ll see you on the roof of Fort Drakon Riordan.”  She watched him walk away.</p>
<p>            “So, who are we taking with us?”  Alistair questioned.</p>
<p>            “We’ll leave Sten, Shale, and Oghren behind,” she decided.</p>
<p>            “Riordan said most of us were to stay at the gate,” Wynne protested.</p>
<p>            “When did Riordan suddenly become in charge?”  Selene had been trying to figure that one out.  There were times where Alistair and Wynne thought he was and Riordan, himself, certainly believed that was the case.  However, all he’d done was show up, not help kill Howe, and give them bad news.</p>
<p>            “He’s the Senior Warden,” Wynne argued.  “He’s been through this before.”</p>
<p>            “No, he hasn’t,” Leliana spoke up.  “It’s been hundreds of years since the last Blight.  He hasn’t fought an Archdemon before, either.”</p>
<p>            “The man showed up in Ferelden and was captured by Howe immediately,” Zevran added.  “Even I could tell he was taciturn when I met him.”</p>
<p>            “Wynne,” Selene’s voice was gentle.  “If you are afraid to go into the city with me, I understand.  I just wanted you there, because I could really use your healing powers right now.  We are going to face two darkspawn generals, and who knows what else, in there.  But it is very dangerous, it’s all right if you’re too shaken to go with me.  I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”  At least until she made that killing blow.  She wasn’t going to walk away from that, but it wouldn’t be Wynne’s fault.  It wouldn’t be anyone’s.</p>
<p>            “I… you think I’m afraid?”  Wynne squared her shoulders.  “I am not afraid to go in there with you.  If I were afraid, I would have stayed in the tower.”</p>
<p>            “You should have more warriors with you,” Sten insisted.  “Leave Zevran and Leliana here and Oghren and I will go with you.”</p>
<p>            Selene could have sworn that she saw a worried look pass between Alistair and Oghren.  Did they know something she didn’t?  Were they planning something that she was disrupting?  If they were, they should have told her.  “I have Alistair and Barkspawn.  They’ll be enough.”</p>
<p>            Barkspawn barked in agreement.</p>
<p>            “Why do the two squishy ones who take two hands to swing their puny swords want to go into the city so badly?”  Shale questioned.  Selene noted that Shale hadn’t protested.  Of course, she’d never been as close to the golem as she could have been.  Shale didn’t seem to like mages and had killed her last master, who was a mage.  She scared Selene.  Now Shale looked down at her.  “Have fun storming the castle.”</p>
<p>            Selene smiled at that.  “Thanks.”</p>
<p>            “Don’t get the elderly mage killed, I’d hate for the dragon to poop her out on me,” Shale added.</p>
<p>            Selene knew Shale and Wynne had formed a bond.  “I’ll try to avoid that.”</p>
<p>            Wynne, for her part, was staring at the gates.  “So, this is it then.  All that we’ve been through had led up to this.”  She turned to look at Selene.  “Whatever happens now, to either of us, know that I am proud, infinitely proud, to have called you friend.”</p>
<p>            “So,” Oghren let out a long breath.  “This is it.  May the Maker watch over you.”</p>
<p>            “And you, Oghren,” Selene wanted to pat his head, but resisted.  “Don’t get killed.  Felsi would probably find my ashes and spit in them if you do.”</p>
<p>            “You helped me get past Branka, so I could get back to the one woman in Thedas who might put up with me,” he responded.  “I won’t forget that.  Let the stones turn red with the blood of heroes.  We’ll show them our hearts and then show them theirs.”</p>
<p>            “I’m putting you in charge down here,” she smiled at him.  “Rip their hearts and spines out.”</p>
<p>            “That sounds bloody,” Sten approached her.  “Are you ready?  We have reached the battlefield at last.  When the Arishok asked ‘What is the Blight?’ I had no answer.  Now I look into its eyes and still I have no answer for him, but perhaps you do.  You have carried us this far, do not doubt that.”  He left to join Oghren where he was organizing their armies.</p>
<p>            Leliana looked after them.  “So, this is it?  This is the end?  We’ve come so far.  It feels strange knowing all our fates will be decided in a matter of hours.  I’m glad I’ll be at your side as this is finished.  I wonder if all heroes were this scared.”</p>
<p>            “I imagine they were,” Selene confirmed.  Did other heroes look towards their own deaths with a mix of trepidation and relief?  She just had to make sure she took the Archdemon with her to the Maker’s side.</p>
<p>            “Not that I’m terrified, I’m ready for whatever fate the Maker decides for me,” Leliana gave her a little hug.  “Just make sure you survive this.”</p>
<p>            “Leliana… I,” Selene wasn’t sure how to tell her friend that she didn’t have any plans to make it to the next day.</p>
<p>            “I’ll pray to the Maker for both of us,” Leliana decided.  “He might listen to me.”</p>
<p>            “I’m sure he does,” Selene confirmed.  “I’ll give you a moment to pray, then we’ll get moving.”</p>
<p>            “It will be fun,” Zevran confirmed.  “Selene…”</p>
<p>            He was cut off as Alistair stepped up to her.  “So, this will be finished, one way or another.”  There was fear in his eyes and she somehow knew it wasn’t for himself.</p>
<p>            “I’m sorry that it is ending this way,” she admitted.  She should leave him here, spare him watching her die; but she found she could face death easier with him nearby.  She wasn’t sure why that was and wasn’t sure she wanted to.</p>
<p>            “I…”  He coughed.  “I’m sorry, too, for a good many things.  I…”</p>
<p>            “I love you!”  It just slipped out.  She hadn’t meant to tell him that her feelings were unchanged.  It made no difference now.</p>
<p>            “And I you, always,” he swore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Deserted Denerim</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene moves her team through Denerim as they chase after the archdemon.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“There is nothing certain in a person’s life, but that he must lose it,” Selene declared as she entered the market district.  It was on fire and darkspawn were everywhere.  “Queen Moira said that when she chose to lead her armies against Orlais to save her kingdom.”</p>
<p>            “I don’t really fancy meeting my grandmother right now,” Alistair scanned the area.  “But if I must, this seems as good a day as any.”</p>
<p>            Barkspawn barked in agreement and then attacked a Hurlock.</p>
<p>            Selene eyed a large ogre that was approaching.  She threw lightning at it and then lifted her staff as she summoned a storm.  As it raged, she threw a fireball at the ogre and then dodged as it charged.  She spun to her right and then jumped on its back, ramming the sharp bottom of her staff into the back of its neck.  She dived, then rolled off of the creature as it fell to the ground. </p>
<p>            She turned to see Alistair riding a second ogre to the ground.  He nimbly jumped off and smiled at her.</p>
<p>            “Guys, I think that’s one of the generals,” Leliana shot arrow after arrow into the largest ogre Selene had ever seen.</p>
<p>            “Sweet Maker,” Wynne swore.  She threw a crushing prison around it, reminding her companions she could do more than just heal.</p>
<p>            Selene’s tempest moved to focus on the creature, hitting it with bolts of lightning.  The bolts charged where Leliana’s arrows had already penetrated.</p>
<p>            Zevran flashed by them, swords flashing as he dispensed of any darkspawn that tried to come to their general’s aid.</p>
<p>            Wynne’s prison fell as the corpse of the general slithered to the ground.  His soldiers already rotting beside him.</p>
<p>            “This area’s done,” Zevran observed.  “Shall we go check on the alienage and make sure our elven friends got out safely?”</p>
<p>            Selene was afraid of what she’d find, but she had to save those she could.  “Let’s move.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Shianni greeted them.  Selene had met the fiery haired elf when she had visited the alienage before the Landsmeet.  She had refused to believe the lies of the Tevinter slavers that Loghain had let in.  They managed to save a good many elf, but Selene regretted not having gone sooner.  So, may had been sent to Tevinter to live out their years in bondage.</p>
<p>            “We were unable to get out,” Shianni explained.  “We were surrounded and there is a very well-organized group of darkspawn on their way even now.”</p>
<p>            “It’s probably the general,” Selene reasoned.  “This isn’t going to be easy.”</p>
<p>            “We need to escape!”  Another elf yelled.  That was apparently his plan and he thought everyone should go along with it.</p>
<p>            “You need to defend your homes!”  Selene knew these elves had extraordinarily little.  If they didn’t protect their homes, no one else would and it would likely be the last place the new arl, whoever they turned out to be, would repair.  She was sure the chantry would be the first and the thought left her bitter.  The chantry that ignored the elves and persecuted the mages.</p>
<p>            “Will you stand with us?”  The elf questioned.</p>
<p>            “I will until the horde on its way is gone,” she promised.  She lifted a horn she’d placed on her side.  It was supposed to summon one of the groups who’d sworn themselves to her cause.  She hoped they’d come.  Riordan and Eamon both seemed to think they controlled the armies.  She blew and waited. </p>
<p>            Several minutes later she heard shouting, it was in elvish.  The Dalish archers appeared, ready to defend their cousins.  One of them looked around.  “Tell me the darkspawn did this.”</p>
<p>            “Welcome to the alienage,” Shianni crinkled her nose.  “It’s always this bad.”</p>
<p>            “It is,” one of the Dalish archers agreed.  Selene realized from his accent that he must have grown up in the city.  He wouldn’t be the last City Elf to escape to the Dalish.  She just needed to save the City Elves so they could make a run for it someday.</p>
<p>            Selene summoned a storm just outside of the gate.  The elves were between where the storm hovered and the alienage.  Leliana joined them, as they saw the horde approaching. </p>
<p>            “Defend your homes,” she ordered the city elevens.</p>
<p>            Shianni took charge, ordering her people into place.  Selene regretted for a moment that she would not live through the day.  She would have liked to use whatever influence she might still have with Alistair to raise Shianni into a position of power.  She could do wonders for her people.  But what was to be, would be.  She was there to stop the Archdemon. </p>
<p>            As the horde came into view, the archers launched their arrows.  If the archdemon hadn’t managed to block out the sun with his magic, the arrows would have done so.  They filled the sky before piercing the oncoming darkspawn.</p>
<p>            Selene unleashed her magic on the creatures, lightning and ice flashed through the air.  Wynne stood on raised ground, casting a heroic aura around the army that protected the city elves.</p>
<p>            Then the general exploded onto the scene.  He grabbed one of the Dalish and flung him to his troops where the archer was torn apart.  Wynne cast a crushing cage around the creature, but it only stopped him for a few minutes.  When he broke free, he was struck by Alistair’s shield.  The king then stabbed the creature through the chest, yet the general still stood.  Alistair lunged again, this time aiming for the neck.  He then leaped up and brought his sword down on the center of the creature’s head, ending its existence.</p>
<p>            Selene watched him, even as she exterminated three darkspawn with chain lightning.  He was a sight to behold and her heart fluttered as she watched him.  The horde, what was left of them, faltered as their general fell.  That opened them up to be pierced by another round of arrows.</p>
<p>            The darkspawn bodies soon littered the streets as the elves cheered.  There was hugging and praises to both the Maker and Creators. </p>
<p>            “We need to get to Fort Drakon,” Selene scanned the skies.  “We need to end this sooner rather than later.”</p>
<p>            As they ran from the alienage, the archdemon flew overhead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Fort Drakon was in sight when Alistair and Selene had a nasty surprise.  Riordan fell out of the sky, landing at their feet.  There was no doubt that he was very much dead.  Alistair silently cursed.  It would have to be him, then.  He would not be living through the day.  He glanced at Selene, who was glaring at Riordan’s body as if she could light his pyre with just her gaze.  At least he’d had one last night with her.  She was with him now and he would get one more look at her before he joined the Maker.  Yet another fear brewed in him.  He suspected that she’d planned to make the Sacrifice herself.  He’d even talked to Oghren and Sten about it.  They were supposed to keep her from making the killing blow for him.  But she’d left them at the gates.</p>
<p>            “I just <em>knew </em>it,” Selene hissed.  “Of all the incompetent warriors in Orlais, the Maker sent us him!  I knew he would renege on his promise to take the killing blow.  I’ll just have to do it myself.”  Under her breath she added.  “Like everything.”</p>
<p>            Alistair’s blood chilled.  <em>No</em>, he couldn’t let her be the one to make the sacrifice.  He was not going to live in a Thedas where she wasn’t present.  He would just have to make sure he was close to the archdemon, close enough to ensure he made the last killing blow.  He comforted himself with the fact that Selene was more of a range fighter, even if she had begun practicing with Arcane magic, and he was a melee.</p>
<p>            He hefted his sword as drakes charged at them.  Selene blew her horn, summoning the dwarves this time.</p>
<p>            Zevran stopped to gawk for a moment.  “They really kept drakes in fort Drakon.” </p>
<p>            </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Everything Hurts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene and Alistair fight Urthemiel, the archdemon.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the drakes, Selene had faced shades, ogres, and specialized Hurlocks in the fort.  Her biggest shock had been when she ran into Sandal.  He was just standing there, surrounded by dead darkspawn, calm as could be.  She asked him why, how, his response had been “Enchantment!”</p>
<p>            She was beginning to believe that to Sandal ‘Enchantment’ meant more than just enchantment.  He had had some of his father’s supplies though, including some ingredients for Zevran to make a nice ice coating for his swords and some healing potions.  She actually felt pretty good as she reached the top of Drakon tower.</p>
<p>            That was until she saw Eamon’s men fighting the Archdemon.  She had no idea how they had made it there.  There was no way they’d easily gone through the tower.  There were so many dead bodies in it, though, that there could easily be more than just the soldiers who had been guarding it in there.  The archdemon was now carelessly flinging away any who tried to fight him.  She watched him swing his head, throwing an archer across the tower.  Then he shifted so he could bite the archer’s companion in half. </p>
<p>            When Urthemiel spotted Alistair and her, he got down on his hunches and roared at them.  Yep, he knew who they were.  She brought all of her barriers back up and then raised her staff as she summoned a storm to target at the former old god.  She had learned Arcane Magic from an ancient elven spirit, but didn’t trust that she’d disciplined it enough to face this particular foe.  As Urthemiel roared yet again, she raised a horn to her lips and blew; summoning the mages to her.  She just hoped they arrived in time to be of help.</p>
<p>            She hit the archdemon with lightning and ice, even as she saw Alistair scoot around him and attack his flank; slamming his shield against the creature before he cut at it with his longsword.  Sweet Maker, he was going to get himself killed.  She realized he was staying near the archdemon to ensure that he would be the one to make the killing blow.  That was not going to happen.  She was going to save the man despite himself.</p>
<p>            Arrows whizzed by her as Leliana flanked the archdemon.  Then Zevran ran by, his dual long swords flashing in a whirlwind pattern.  He rolled under the dragon, cutting its belly.  Then he feigned death when the creature tried to turn on him.  There were so many dead bodies around, that it couldn’t tell if one of them was faking.  The turn cost him and Barkspawn jumped on his back, sinking in his fangs. </p>
<p>            Urthemiel stumbled, bleeding out.  She sent a blast of freezing air and a lightning bolt at him.  He fell to the rooftop, shaking in his effort to get back up.  One good bolt should kill him, but Selene grabbed a huge two-handed sword; she would make sure the Maker and the fates knew that it was she who had killed the archdemon.  That spirit would know what direction to go.  She was thankful that her studies in the Arcane Arts allowed her to channel her magic into strength or the sword she now carried would have caused her to tip over.</p>
<p>            “Wait!”  Alistair called to her.  “Let me!”  He was looking at her across the archdemon’s body, his eyes pleading.  Damn, those big brown eyes.  “There’s no need for you to die.  This is my duty; I should be the one to kill it.”</p>
<p>            “Why?”  She demanded.  “Why should you be the one to kill it?  Your duty is to find a simpering noble woman to marry and have babies with.  You told me that the day you broke my heart, remember?”</p>
<p>            “I didn’t want to be king,” he reminded her.  “But you convinced me I should be.  And I want to be a good king.  And this right here is the best king I could be, my first and last act being to stop the Blight before it really starts.  No one could blame me for that, could they?”</p>
<p>            “I could!”  She yelled at him.  “You are using troll logic!  What is the real reason you want to do this?  Have you suddenly become suicidal?”  No, that was her, a little voice reminded her.</p>
<p>            “You’re right,” he conceded.  “I know how I feel about you; I won’t let you die, not when I can do something about it.”</p>
<p>            “Don’t you have a duty to your future queen?”  She reminded him.  “You’ve already rejected me for her, she’s what’s important.”</p>
<p>            “I was an idiot, of course,” he declared.  “I threw away the woman I love, the only woman I will ever love.  I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”</p>
<p>            “No!”  She was not going to let her idiot die for her.  She ran at the archdemon, the sword ready to swing.</p>
<p>            “Selene!”  Alistair was charging from the opposite direction, sword held in both hands even as the creature tried to climb back to its feet.  He dived, cutting the archdemon’s under neck.</p>
<p>            As the creature’s head fell to the ground, Selene lifted the two-handed sword, almost the same instant that Alistair held his sword high above his head.  Both swords came down together.</p>
<p>            Light shot from the archdemon, filling the air and acting as a beacon of hope for those who still toiled away against the darkspawn.</p>
<p>            On the rooftop, both Grey Wardens stared at each other; their hands gripping their swords.  “Let go, Alistair,” Selene pleaded.  “Let me do this.  You have so much to live for.  I have nothing.  I don’t want a life filled with duty and empty of love.  That’s my only other choice now.”</p>
<p>            “No, it isn’t,” he argued.  “You have to let me be the one.  This is how I’ll protect my kingdom.  This is how I’ll serve them.”  He paused a moment.  “This is how I’ll protect you.”</p>
<p>            She shook her head vigorously.  “We left Anora in the capital, she could be dead.  I made you king so you would lead this people; not die needlessly for them.  Not when I’m here to make that sacrifice for you.  Don’t make me live without… don’t…”  Tears were streaming down her face.  “Just let go, my love.”</p>
<p>            “Never!”  He shouted back at her.</p>
<p>            There was an explosion, and each was thrown back.  On the ground, the darkspawn ran as the soldiers cheered their victory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            On the rooftop of Fort Drakon, Alistair started coming to his senses.  His head hurt, his back hurt.  <em>No!</em>  The pain meant <em>he</em> was alive.  If he was alive, then <em>she</em> wasn’t.  Dear Maker, no; please, no.  He’d had a plan, Sten and Oghren would grab Selene back, guaranteeing that he would be the one to make the sacrifice.  Now… he had to get to her.</p>
<p>            He groaned as he made it to his feet.  He could see Selene laying on the other side of the archdemon’s corpse.  Her braids and bun were loose and her clothes torn.  He could see a cut on her leg and another on her arm, neither the leg nor arm moved.  She appeared lifeless.  <em>“NO!”</em>  He wasn’t even aware that he’d screamed it.  He leapt over his enemy’s dead body to get to the woman he loved.  “Selene!”  He gathered her limp form into his arms, cradling her head against his shoulder.  “Please, no.”  He wasn’t aware of the tears that fell from his eyes onto her cheeks.</p>
<p>            There was a soft groan and Selene’s hand moved touching her cheek.  She reached out and Alistair’s hand shot to hers, gripping it.  “If this is the Maker’s bosom, why do I hurt so badly?”  She muttered.</p>
<p>            “Selene?”  Alistair’s voice broke on her name.  He clutched to her even closer to him and began rocking her.  “You’re… I thought I’d lost you.”</p>
<p>            “Alistair,” she pulled her head and blinked up at him.  “Are we both alive?”</p>
<p>            He nodded, unable to speak.  He sent a silent prayer of thanks up to the Maker.  He wasn’t sure how it had happened, but they were somehow both still alive.  “Yes.”</p>
<p>            “Is Wynne still alive, too?”  She laid her head back on his shoulder.</p>
<p>            “I’m here.”  Alistair felt her hand on his shoulder.  “Are you all right?”</p>
<p>            “Everything hurts,” Selene admitted.</p>
<p>            Wynne to work on both of them, but Alistair found himself unwilling to let go of the woman he loved.  He knew he’d have to eventually, but not yet.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Evil's Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Disciples of the Old Ones continue to plot.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Urthemiel is dead.”  The announcement came in a sad, heartbroken voice.  Killsin looked out at the other high priests of the Disciples of the Old Ones.</p>
<p>            “Is all lost then?”  Humility Bond spoke up.</p>
<p>            “There are still two more Old Ones,” Replenish reminded Humility.  “We will just have to be patient.  Perhaps, when we have restored the Old Ones left, they will tell us how to save their brethren and sisters.”</p>
<p>            “We have had interesting reports from Ferelden,” High Priestess Forsaken Guthrie interrupted.  “Both of their Grey Wardens are still alive.  There was another Grey Warden, a Riordan, but Urthemiel was seen disposing of him before the tragedy.  He did not take the life of the Great One.”</p>
<p>            Killsin steepled his fingers.  “Interesting, one of the other two would have had to give their lives.”</p>
<p>            “Not necessarily,” Beloved Thorpe spoke up.  “Our scholars have found reports of old and dark rituals that guarantee pregnancy.  If someone had intercourse with one of the Grey Wardens, likely the male.”  She looked at the others.  “His name is Alistair, isn’t it?”  When they nodded, she continued.  “If they had intercourse with him and conceived a child, Urthemiel’s soul may have gone to the unborn child.  The unborn child, if small enough, would not be destroyed.  Instead, Urthemiel would become part of it.”</p>
<p>            “Who would he have slept with?”  Killsin needed to know.</p>
<p>            “Wasn’t he involved with the other Warden?”  Humility recalled.</p>
<p>            “He dumped her, quite publicly,” Replenish told her.  “It was worse than when Submit threw you over for Honest Burroughs.  Besides, I’ve heard that it is extremely hard for two Wardens to conceive a baby together.”</p>
<p>            “It couldn’t have been worse than when Tribulation announced she would no longer receive you as a suitor,” Humility smirked at him.</p>
<p>            “Tribulation did not break up with me, I broke up with her,” Replenish insisted.  “It was a mutual break up.  She thought I was too demanding, and I thought her shepherd’s pie was an abomination to the gods… and told her so.”</p>
<p>            “Enough, you two,” Killsin hissed.  “This is not the place to discuss Tribulation dumping Replenish.  “We were discussing the most heinous Grey wardens!”</p>
<p>            “Our spies in Fereldan say that they were travelling with Flemeth’s daughter,” Forsaken announced.  “If anyone knows the rituals required, it would be Flemeth.  She could have told the daughter.”</p>
<p>            “I’ve heard of the daughters of Flemeth,” Humility leaned forward.  “Aren’t there more than one?”</p>
<p>            “I don’t believe she raises them together,” Forsaken disagreed.  “Our spies can find out who the daughter was.  Then we can find her.  I can guarantee you that she is the one carrying this infant.  If she doesn’t return to Flemeth, we’ll begin a search for her.  We’ll find her.”</p>
<p>            “Then we have hope,” Killsin nodded.  “The child will be ours.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Longer to Put Yourself Back Together</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alistair botches things up again.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“A wise woman once told me that it takes ten times as long to put yourself together as it does to fall apart,” Zevran whispered to Selene.</p>
<p>            They watched as Alistair walked down the main hall of the Palace of Denerim, as the nobles watched.  He was dressed in the red and gold of the House of Theirin.</p>
<p>As the destruction of Denerim had been cleaned, they’d found Anora’s remains, what were left of them.  They had found many dead.  They’d cleaned up what they could and began burning their dead.  The rebuilding efforts would be part of the duties of their new king.  That new king didn’t even look at her as he passed.</p>
<p>It had been a week since the Archdemon had been slain and Alistair had gone back to his hot and cold shifts with her.  The first couple of days, he had barely let her out of his sight and kept touching her as if to assure himself that she was still there.  Then Eamon had pulled him away from her to talk to him and he’d turned cold again, with flashes of heat. </p>
<p>She’d been given her own rooms in the palace, which made her think Alistair meant to keep her around.  The question was how he saw their relationship.  She’d woken on the rooftop of Fort Drakon and found herself in his arms, with him holding her close.  He had apologized for his earlier actions and proclaimed himself an idiot.  He’d cradled her in his arms, as if she were the most precious thing in Thedas.  Then he’d slowly pulled away as his coronation had gotten closer.  She would have to talk to him when they found a moment alone again.  Perhaps she would have a chance at the Coronation Celebration that night.</p>
<p>Selene watched as the reverend mother placed a crown on Alistair’s head and the nobles cheered.  This had been what she’d wanted.  So why wasn’t she happy?  She turned back to Zevran and away from the newly crowned king.  “Is it that obvious that I’m about to fall apart?  I wanted this after all.”</p>
<p>“No,” Zevran disagreed.  “You wanted what was best for our Alistair and for Ferelden.  But this isn’t exactly what you wanted.  I know about the fight you two had over duty versus love months ago.  Heck, I was there for several of those altercations.  You told him that you were willing to fight for your love.  He said that duty was more important.  You were quite loud in your response to him.”  He smiled at the memory.  “I believed then that you would fight for your love through thick and thin.  You wouldn’t let the Bannorn stand between you, nor Eamon and his expectations.”</p>
<p>“Why should I face Eamon and Bannorn?  Why should I battle them when Alistair won’t?”  She bowed her head for a moment.  “A week ago, I would have said he was going to fight for me… for <em>us</em>.  Now, I’m not so sure.  He hasn’t talked to me in more than a day.  I can’t stand this; he’s treating me like a yoyo.”</p>
<p>“Then you must make him talk,” Zevran responded.</p>
<p>“That’s the plan,” she assured him, she turned her head back towards the throne.  Alistair was looking away, as he talked quietly with the reverend mother.</p>
<p>The nobles cheered again as Alistair waved to them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The party to celebrate the new king was perhaps a little too exuberant for a group who had only recently suffered through a Blight.</p>
<p>Selene went down into the main hall with Leliana and Zevran.  Her hair was held back by a series of braids and decorative comb with emerald leaves on it.  She’d found a box sitting on her bedside with a note that said <em>from a secret admirer</em>.  When she’d opened the box she’d inhaled deeply and then her breath caught as she’d stared at the gold and emerald hair ornament.  She didn’t know who it was from, but she loved it.  Her Highever styled gown was cream with green leaves embroidered on it and a green underdress. </p>
<p>She stopped walking when she saw the band playing and a bard singing loudly in front of them.  There were people dancing in the middle of the room.  One man was on a table, dancing by himself.  He appeared to be trying to get a lady to join him, but she was shaking her head emphatically. </p>
<p>Alistair was standing in the middle of a large group.  He appeared to have been waylaid on his way to the food table.  She spied several delicacies and plenty of cheese.  She would have to battle through the courtiers to get to him.  She glanced at her companions.  “We didn’t happen to capture some darkspawn that we could unleash on this party, did we?”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, not,” Zevran’s voice was sad.  “It would be funny.  I could kill someone in this crowd and no one would notice.”  A dancing couple crashed into one of the tables and the woman fell to the ground laughing.  “See.”</p>
<p>“Selene!” Teagan swept to the trio.  He bowed low and then held out a hand.  “Come dance with me.”</p>
<p>She looked over to Alistair, but he was still in the middle of his circle of admirers.  “Very well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Teagan whirled her around the room, Selene tried to smile politely at him.  He told her how happy he was that she and Alistair had both survived the battle.  He had ideas about what should be done differently in the defense of Denerim, so enemies would never get in the palace and kill those sheltering inside again.  He also had ideas about them going out on the lake together, just them and a little boat.  He wanted to take her to the Summerday celebrations in Denerim.</p>
<p>“This year’s celebrations will be grander than any in the past,” Teagan was proclaiming.  “We will just have stopped a Blight and we may be able to celebrate the King’s marriage by then.  It would be the perfect day for Alistair to wed, he just needs to find a bride first.  He is a very eligible bachelor and Eamon is determined to find him one as soon as possible.”</p>
<p>“Eamon is?”  That shouldn’t surprise her.  Would Alistair finally stand up to his uncle and fight for them or was he going to again meekly do his duty and follow the arl’s lead?  From what he’d said to her on the rooftop of Fort Drakon, he would fight for her.  But a little voice in her head whispered to her that Eamon would always hold more sway over Alistair than she did.  She turned a bit away from Teagan and looked to Alistair.  He was still surrounded by dozens of nobles.  Most of them young women. </p>
<p>Their eyes met and his cheeks pinked a bit.  He gave her a hopeless look.  She needed to go rescue him.  She turned back to Teagan to tell him.</p>
<p>“Oh, there’s Eamon, to give our king a moment’s rest from his adoring suitors,” Teagan commented.  “He’ll have to choose one, but I suppose they don’t <em>have </em>to be Fereldan.”</p>
<p>She turned again to see Eamon easily extract Alistair from the crowd.  The two talked quietly, their heads together.  Sweet Maker, she should have left the arl in a coma.  It might have cost her an army, and let the Blight destroy Ferelden, but it would have been better for Alistair.  She couldn’t just let him get away with this.  She stepped back from Teagan.  “I think I need to talk to them.”</p>
<p>“They’re fine, Selene,” Teagan protested.</p>
<p>She slowly walked to Alistair, only to have Sten intercept her.  “What is the purpose of this?”</p>
<p>“The purpose of what?”  She was confused.  She also wanted to scream at Sten for intercepting her.  Was he purposely helping Eamon get his claws into Alistair?</p>
<p>“This gathering,” Sten tried to clarify.  “Wynne called it a party.  So, we buried the dead and now we dance?”</p>
<p>“Yep,” she nodded.</p>
<p>“And why are all those women flirting with Alistair?”  He continued.  “Wynne says that they are hoping for Alistair to make them queen.  Why isn’t he making you queen?  You have defeated the Blight and commanded an army.  Should you not be made queen?  He should step down and give the job to you.  Does he not, because you are a mage?  Should he not see your survival as some sort of indication that his Maker favors you?”</p>
<p>“It is because I’m a mage,” she confirmed.  “He…”</p>
<p>“I thought you were dancing with Teagan,” Alistair interrupted them.  He sounded a bit jealous.</p>
<p>“I thought I would rescue you from your admirers,” she admitted.  “But it appears that Eamon beat me to it.  Did he want a dance?”  No, he wanted to control the dancers, she realized. </p>
<p>“He wanted to talk about tomorrow,” Alistair informed her.  He bowed to her.  “Dance with me?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she happily went into his arms.  They were silent through the entire song.  Selene just enjoyed the feeling of being there, to moving in synch with the man she loved.</p>
<p>They continued into the next song.  Alistair let out a deep breath.  “We need to talk about the ceremony and parade tomorrow… and what will happen after.”</p>
<p>“What ceremony?  What parade?”  This was the first she’d heard of it.</p>
<p>“Tomorrow, you will be presented as the Hero of Ferelden,” Alistair grinned at her.  “The people are already calling you that and they want to give you a parade.”  His smile widened at the word ‘parade’.</p>
<p>“I don’t want a parade,” she objected.  Why were they giving her a parade?  Was it for defeating the Archdemon or failing to die as she did so?  She still had no idea how she was still alive.</p>
<p>“We all have to do things we don’t like.”  He stopped dancing, but kept her hand in his.  “Come with me.”  He led her out of the room and to a little window alcove.   There was a bench set behind a large curtain.  They sat so they were turned towards each other.  “We will be presenting you formally to the people as the Hero of Ferelden.  All you will have to do is walk down the middle of the main hall to me.  I’ll present you, as the Hero of Ferelden, to those gathered there.  Then we’ll have a little celebration before you go outside and wave to the people of Denerim.  They love you already.  Who can blame them?”</p>
<p>“So, I’ll just be presented as this hero?”  She didn’t like the idea of this all being planned without her.  She also didn’t like what he wasn’t saying.  “What about after that?”</p>
<p>“You’ll remain in the palace as one of my advisers, I hope.”  His smile was sheepish.  “I will give you the choice of acceptable boons, but that is the one I want you to pick.  I am afraid that I will greatly need your advice.  You’ll be my military adviser at the least.  I know I’ll be asking you about other things.  You may be the only one who can keep the palace from running out of cheese.  That would be horrible.”  He shuddered.</p>
<p>“Just as adviser?”  She looked down at her hands.  She hadn’t realized until then that Alistair was holding them.  “You told me you still loved me and that you’d been an idiot.  Yet…”  She took a deep breath.  “You’ve barely touched me in public and this is the only second time we’ve been in private.  How much of a dirty secret am I going to be?”</p>
<p>“I <em>do</em> love you,” he swore.  “And I <em>am</em> a fool.  But… Sweet Maker, it’s a miracle we’re both still alive.  I suspect Weisshaupt is going to send someone to figure that out.  It doesn’t mean that I am not going to have to marry and produce an heir.  I… Eamon thinks that I will have a harder time finding a suitable bride if they think I’ll have a mistress after we wed.  He had the reverend mother talk to me about it.  She reminded me that I have a duty to my people and… if we could have married, I wouldn’t think of being unfaithful.  Shouldn’t I give the woman who will be my wife that same consideration?”</p>
<p>Selene pulled back.  “So, you lied to me on the roof?”</p>
<p>“<em>NO!</em>”  He insisted.  “I <em>do</em> love you and I <em>am</em> a fool.  I’ll have you near me as an adviser.  You’ll know that you are the one who has my heart, even if you don’t have more than that.”</p>
<p>She felt the tears and didn’t know how to stop them.  <em>Dear Maker</em>, she prayed, <em>don’t let me break down like I did last time.  Not again, I don’t know if I could put myself back together.</em>  “So, you expect me to just stand by you… as a friend who knows you love them… while you marry another and start a family with them?  I will get to look on in envy as mages aren’t allowed to wed and the Chantry takes our children.  Oh, wait, the Grey Wardens have also guaranteed that I can’t have children.  Well, that solves that part, I wouldn’t have had your child anyway.  I can be envious of every woman who is so blessed.  I’m sure you’ll slap hands with me when I find some handsome knight to take to my bed at night to comfort me and ask me if he satisfied me.  Or will you tell the reverend mother that the mage adviser is defiling one of your men?  She is now making policies it seems.  She obviously has more of a say in your life than I do.”</p>
<p>“Selene,” Alistair reached out to her, but she pushed his hand away.  “I can give you my heart, even if I can’t give you the rest.  It will always be you I love.”</p>
<p>“So, you’ll just make sure you never tell this wife, whom you obviously already adore, that you love her; because that would be a lie?”  She gave a bitter laugh.  “She’ll catch on that you never said the words ‘Tair.”  She could already see him breaking that promise, letting his heart be swayed by the woman he took to his bed nightly and who gave him the family she couldn’t.  Worse, she couldn’t believe that he expected her to stand around and watch it.</p>
<p>What was her alternative?  To go to Weisshaupt?  She had never wanted to be a Grey Warden.  She could go back to the tower, but that was a gilded prison that she’d barely escaped before they made her tranquil.  She stood.  “I’m going to go get some punch.  Go back to your simpering suitors and their parents.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alistair knew he’d just botched up things with Selene again.  He reluctantly left her side, trying to figure out how to get back there.  He’d meant everything he’d said on the roof of Fort Drakon.  He still loved her, he always would, and he’d been an idiot for pushing her away.  But after the battle, Uncle Eamon had brought him the news of Anora’s death and a reminder of his duties now that he was the ruler of Ferelden.  He still had to make a political marriage and produce an heir.  Perhaps after that, he could have found a way to be with Selene. </p>
<p>One thing he knew, was that he couldn’t live without her by his side.  He had to at least keep her there.  He didn’t know how he was going to do so and not make it obvious to all of Thedas that she held her heart, but the thought of her not being there was unacceptable.  He’d talked to Denerim’s Reverend Mother about the problem. </p>
<p>Andraste’s Knickers, the Reverend Mother had become livid.  She first, gently, reminded him that the nobles would never accept a mage as queen.  Then she again reminded him that Ferelden’s problems had been exacerbated by his ancestor’s decisions to have small families and the need for a political connection to a powerful house.  She assured him that no respectable family would tolerate a suitor who had a mage mistress.  She declared that it was even more shameful than having an elven mage for a concubine, which sounded a little too specific to him.  Her tirade ended with her declaring that he was endangering his soul, and Selene’s, by even caboodling with her.  That didn’t mean he couldn’t keep her near him, did it?</p>
<p>He walked back into the main hall by himself.  He would talk to her again when he presented her to their people as their Hero.  That would give her the rest of the night to cool down.  He knew he deserved her wrath, but he’d rather not face its full force.</p>
<p>Even as Alistair watched, Selene returned to the celebration.  There was fire in her eyes, but behind them were tears and that tore at his heart.  He’d put those there.  He saw Teagan moving to intercept her, but Zevran beat him to it.  The elf appeared to be walking past her, but smoothly pulled her into his arms as he did so.  He began moving her across the room in a complicated dance.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Don't Go It Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene packs to leave Denerim and decides where she's going.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.”  One of Selene’s mentors had told her that before he’d transferred to Starkhaven’s Circle of Magi.  He hadn’t wanted to go, but the Chantry had insisted.  She would always hate the power the Chantry and its Templars held over the lives of mages.  They had created the mess she now found herself in, though.</p>
<p>She sat on her bed, tears pouring from her eyes.  She’d sworn that she would not cry over Alistair anymore, but that was a hallow lie she’d told herself.  She had returned to the main hall and enjoyed dancing with Zevran.  She’d felt safe dancing with her charming friend, who had tried to make her laugh and then gave up, giving her a companionable silence and a steady shoulder to lean on.</p>
<p>Her dear friend had promised to stay at her side, as her bodyguard.  But she knew that would mean it was easier to find him, if the Crows realized he was still alive.  Still, she couldn’t push him away, especially after the other conversations she’d had that night.  Wynne and Shale were leaving for Tevinter, hoping to find a way to turn Shale back into a dwarf.  Sten would accompany them part of the way, before he went to Par Vollen to report back to his superiors.</p>
<p>Leliana was off to guard the Urn of Sacred Ashes.  It was just one more reason Selene regretted finding the damned thing.  They had sat by the campfire, discussing how they could still travel after they defeated the Archdemon.  They planned to explore Ferelden and beyond.  Now the Chantry called and Leliana went, without a second thought to any of the plans they made together. </p>
<p>Oghren was off to start a life with Felsi.  She supposed she should be happy for them.  What she felt wasn’t happiness, though.  How was it that she could find a bright, loving future for others and have her own end up cold and barren?</p>
<p>At least Barkspawn wasn’t leaving her.  She wasn’t sure where he was at the moment.  He was likely in the kennels, getting to know the local mabari and regaling them with stories of his fight against the Blight.  Alistair had been talking of breeding him.  He seemed to think he got their dog in their split.  Maybe he was and Barkspawn was leaving her.  Was he not with the other mabari now, instead of sleeping at the end of her bed?</p>
<p>Curling her legs to her chest, Selene let her head drop as the tears increased.  She’d been such a fool.  There had been an opening, somewhere, to get Alistair back; but she’d obviously botched it.  Now he planned to present her as the Hero of Ferelden the next day and was going to make her one of his personal advisers.  Not his wife, not even his mistress, just one of his advisers.  No one had even asked her what she wanted. </p>
<p>Why would she want to be paraded as the Hero of Ferelden when the people had already rejected her for being a mage?  She sure as hell didn’t want to stay on as an adviser and watch as Alistair married someone else and started a family with them.  How could he think she would?</p>
<p>What were her choices, though?  She could write to Weisshaupt for an assignment or return to Kinloch Hold.  Neither held any appeal.  She didn’t want to be a Grey Warden, she never wanted it.  What had being a Warden gotten her?  It might have saved her from being a Tranquil, but it had taken too much from her.  <em>You wouldn’t feel like this, if you were a Tranquil</em>, a nasty little voice whispered in her ear.  She pushed that voice away.  No, she’d hold onto the pain, the anguish, the feeling that her heart could no longer beat right, rather than lose who she was.</p>
<p>She felt so unloved, so unlovable.  She had been betrayed by her mentor and her best friend in Kinloch Hold.  If it hadn’t been for Duncan, she would have been dead at best and a Tranquil at worst.  She shuddered at the thought.  Then she’d been dragged to Ostagar, where she’d met Alistair.  He’d been her companion from the first day, even if he’d been a bit taciturn at first.  She realized later, that he’d been afraid of becoming too attached to her only to watch her die in the Joining.  The only people he hadn’t minded joining them were Barkspawn and Wynne.  Now even those companions were leaving her.  There had never been anyone who fought to keep her.</p>
<p>Even as Selene had that thought, a long-buried memory emerged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>She had been young, only six or seven.  She was playing with several other children when a large boy had come and tried to take their ball.  Cyndi had tried to stand up to him and he pushed her down.  Then two of his friends joined him, laughing.  They held the ball high, so the smaller children couldn’t reach it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Selene hadn’t known what she was doing.  She lashed out and lightning shot from the sky, striking the boy.  His friends had run away and she’d taken the ball back.  She and her friends had gone back to playing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That night, she’d been washing up for dinner when there was a banging on the door.  Her father opened it and men in skirts and armor had walked in.  One of them grabbed her, pulling her away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her father had protested, but they said she was a mage and had to go away.  She cried to them that she wasn’t, so had her mother.  She remembered her mother crying out and trying to chase after the skirted men as they carried her away.  She reached back for mama, but the men took her.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>More tears welled up at the memory, but one word stuck in her mind.  <em>Kirkwall</em>.  She’d been in Kirkwall when they took her.  She had no idea if her family was there, but it her was her only lead.  She didn’t know how they would react to seeing her, they might reject her as well.</p>
<p>Still, she’d heard one wise man talking to another in a book shop in Denerim.  He’d said ‘<em>My dear young cousin, if there's one thing I've learned over the eons, it's that you can't give up on your family, no matter how tempting they make it</em>.’  Now, the thought that they were out there and might want to see her was all that was keeping her going.</p>
<p>Selene realized that she couldn’t stay in Denerim a moment longer.  The thought of being presented to the people of Ferelden by Alistair the next morning was unbearable.  Those were the people who wouldn’t accept her as queen, because she’d been born with magic.  She wasn’t good enough for them, because she was born different than them.  The man she loved had rejected her, because she wasn’t good enough for those very people.  She’d be damned if those hypocrites cheered her for saving their bigoted asses.  She hadn’t saved Ferelden for them.  At the moment, she wasn’t even sure why she’d saved it.</p>
<p>She pulled out her trunks and began filling them.  She’d steal a horse from the stables, perhaps a cart as well.  She wasn’t sure if she’d find it ironic or idiotic if they tried to stop her, or even hanged her over it.  She ignored the tears that fell as she packed, telling herself that they were of self-pity and not because part of her couldn’t stand the thought of leaving certain people behind.  She piled her clothes in, and that which she had of value.  She’d keep her staff with her.  As she sorted through her belongings, deciding what to take and what to leave behind, she picked up a perfect red rose without even thinking.  She stopped and sat on her bed, holding it for a moment.  She’d placed a spell on it to preserve it, after Alistair had given it to her.  He’d compared her to the rose, something beautiful in all the darkness they were suffering.  She told herself to throw it away, as he’d thrown her and their love away, but she couldn’t seem to do so.</p>
<p>The door opened without her realizing it.  “I don’t suppose that I should be surprised.”  Her head shot up and she saw Zevran standing there.</p>
<p>“Zev, I…”  She looked at the trunks and then back at the rose. “I…”</p>
<p>“Were you planning to say goodbye?”  He closed the door and leaned against it.</p>
<p>“No,” she admitted.  Without thinking, she grabbed a long crystal box and placed the rose in it.  “I’m leaving tonight.  I can’t…”</p>
<p>“You are going to miss your own parade?”  He sounded shocked.</p>
<p>She didn’t even realize she put the box containing the rose in one of her trunks.  “That’s part of the point.”</p>
<p>“Ah, so you do not wish to be cheered by the mindless masses,” he observed.  “Does this have anything to do with the fact that you’d be the first mage many of them will have ever cheered.”</p>
<p>“It could,” she admitted as she added a few more items to the trunks.</p>
<p>“You know, as your bodyguard, I can’t just let you leave,” his voice was light.</p>
<p>“Try and stop me,” she challenged.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t plan to,” he assured her.  “I just need you to give me time to get my things together.  It won’t take long.  I…  Let’s just say this isn’t a surprise.  Not for me, I know my beautiful, deadly goddess.  The others are going to have a horrible surprise in the morning.  Let’s get you packed, and then we’ll take care of my things.”</p>
<p>She studied him for a moment.  She found she was relieved he wanted to come.  She wasn’t quite ready to be alone and it would be nice to have companionship on the road.  “It’s going to make it harder to sneak out.”</p>
<p>“My lady,” he bowed.  “I am an expert assassin.  It will be easier to sneak out if you are with me.”</p>
<p>She wiped away a tear.  And gave him a watery half smile.  “Good point.  Thank you, Zevran.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. The Herb Scented Mage is Gone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is the first chapter with Barkspawn's POV.  He discovers that his mage is gone.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barkspawn had spent a wonderful night in the kennels.  A cute little thing called Veronica had taken an interest in him and they’d snuggled, knowing that soon they would be bred.  He could already see the adorable puppies they would make together.</p>
<p>There was a spring in his step as he made his way back to the castle.  He planned to check on Selene and then beg sausages from the cook.  He knew Selene had been sad of late.  He’d stayed in her tent with her after her heartbreak following the Landsmeet.  But Alistair had made everything good again during the fight against the Archdemon.  He’d finally admitted that he was the idiot Morrigan, the witch who snuck him sausages, always said he was. </p>
<p>Now things would be good.  He would stay at the palace with Selene and Alistair and be pampered and bred. He’d have a mate and litters of puppies to dote on. He was a war hero, after all.  He would…</p>
<p>His thoughts halted as he got to Selene’s room.  The door was closed, but he could tell from outside her door that she wasn’t there. The smell was all wrong. Where could she be?  He sniffed frantically around the door and, finally, picked up her scent.  It was hours old.  She hadn’t spent the night in her room.</p>
<p>He assured himself that all was well, she likely slept with the smelly king the night before.  Alistair was always smelly, he liked that about him.  Still, Barkspawn sniffed until he was sure he had Selene’s freshest scent. </p>
<p>Following the trail, he was surprised to find that it led out of the palace.  Was Selene in trouble?   Had something happened to his herb scented mage?  He had to find her.  She got in a lot of fights, which meant she needed him.  He moved quickly through the royal district and realized, as he did so, that there was another scent there.  The overly suave elf had gone with her.</p>
<p>He knew that the elf who smelled of poisons, Zevran, didn’t understand the importance of sneaking sausages, tummy rubs, or guarding Selene in the night against the nightmares she constantly had.  Selene needed a mabari, not the elf that reeked of nightshade. Maybe the poison elf had taken her to his buddies; those crows who didn’t fly.  He increased his pace.</p>
<p>The trail ended at the docks.  There was no ship there now, it had already taken her away.  He could smell fish and birds, and there was still a trace of the lavender and ozone.  But the trail had ended where the ships loaded cargo and passengers and there was no ship there anymore.  It had gone, taking her with it.  He let out a howl, lifting his head to the sky to cry out his pain.  Then he stared at the horizon, there was no way he could swim after her.</p>
<p>Another howl rent the air and another.  She had left without him.  How could she?  Did she think he loved Veronica more than he loved her? He liked being with the bitch in the kennels, but he bonded with his mage. She gave his life a purpose. Veronica was a distraction. His mage was more important. There was another howl, as he proclaimed his sorrow to all of Thedas.</p>
<p>“There you are.”  He turned at the familiar voice and saw the smelly king rushing to him.  Alistair embraced him and rubbed his head.  “What’s wrong, Barkspawn?”</p>
<p>Barkspawn responded with a sad yip.  His mage had gone.  Was the smelly king the reason?</p>
<p>“Selene is going to be worried about you,” the smelly king told him.  “I think she slept in to conserve her strength for the parade the people are having for her today.  We need to get back to the palace to present her as the Hero of Ferelden.  You want to be there for that, don’t you boy?”</p>
<p>Morrigan was right, the smelly king was an idiot.  Did he not realize that the herb scented mage was gone?  Barkspawn realized he did not.  The poor smelly king, he would shortly learn the pain that Barkspawn knew.  He’d go with him for now, the king was going to need a mabari soon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alistair returned to the palace with Barkspawn.  The Kennel Master had rushed to him, telling him that the mabari had been seen leaving the palace.  He knew that Barkspawn had started spending his nights in the kennel and had thought he was returning to Selene’s rooms in the morning.  Perhaps he was just trying to settle into Denerim and was exploring the area, but he had been in the city before.  He hadn’t wanted to bother Selene with the matter and gone after their dog himself.  He was a bit concerned at the way Barkspawn had been howling at the Amaranthine Ocean.  It was heart wrenching.  The only thing he’d heard that was worse was Selene’s cries after he’d told her that he had to separate himself from her.</p>
<p>Maker, that memory alone made him feel like something a darkspawn had pooped out.  Then he’d admitted he still loved her, only to then have to still distance himself from her again.  He had no choice, though.  He had a duty.</p>
<p>Barkspawn stayed by his side as had made his way to the main hall.  He hoped he at least made it there before Selene did.  She would agree to be his adviser and all of Ferelden would know that she had the ear of their king.  His heart ached at the thought that he couldn’t let them know that she also had their king’s heart. </p>
<p>Selene was not in the main hall when he entered.  It took him several moments to realize something was wrong, though.  Leliana looked upset and Wynne glared at him the moment he walked in.</p>
<p>“There you are.”  Eamon rushed to his side.  “I… someone is going to have to announce that there will be no parade today.  No, we can turn it into a victory parade, instead.  We can figure this out.  We’ll just send out Amell’s friends instead of her.”</p>
<p>“Instead of her?”  Alistair was confused.  He knew she’d been angry the night before.  “Is she refusing to meet those very people she saved?  If she’s threatening to put lightning bolts up all of their backsides, I can assure you that she won’t really do it.  At least, she hasn’t yet.”</p>
<p>“Alistair, she…”  Eamon paused and a sour expression pass over his face.  “She’s not here.”</p>
<p>“What?”  That didn’t make sense.  He’d just talked to her the night before.  Barkspawn made a sad little woof and he thought of the mournful howls he had been making on the docks.  She was…  He couldn’t even let the thought pass through his mind. </p>
<p>“Alistair,” Wynne took his arm.  She led him to the throne, Barkspawn followed them.  She helped him to sit.  “Selene isn’t in the palace.  The servants haven’t seen her since she left the party last night.”</p>
<p>“She ran off with that elf,” Eamon joined them.</p>
<p>“Elf?”  She had run off with someone else?  Who?  Who had won her heart from him?   Wasn’t that what he should want, for her to find a new love; to find happiness?  Why did it hurt so much then?</p>
<p>“Zevran left also,” Leliana approached the group.  “Both of them are missing items and a coachman admits that he saw them leave together late last night.  We can go after them, make sure they aren’t in trouble.  I know the Crows will go after Zevran the moment they realize he’s alive.  They might have…  Well, why else would they just leave?”</p>
<p>Why indeed.  Alistair realized he might have been part of the problem and just what direction they had taken out of the city.  “I reminded Selene last night that I would still have to marry for duty’s sake.  I pushed her away again.  But… that isn’t a reason for her to leave.”</p>
<p>“Yes, it is!”  Leliana took a step back and then threw up her hands.  “I flew from Marjolaine, because she was a threat to my life, but I wouldn’t have wanted to see her every day after that.  Even if she didn’t want me dead, I wouldn’t have stayed by her side after...  Did you expect her to stay here with you and your new wife?  Sweet Maker, you did!”</p>
<p>“I…”  He had.  Was it wrong to still want his best friend around?  Now, she’d run off with Zevran.  No, he couldn’t be sure that Zevran was anything more than a bodyguard.  She hadn’t run <em>with</em>, she’d run <em>from.</em>  He stood.  “Eamon, figure out what to say to the people who are gathered.  You’re one of my advisers, think of what you’d advise me to say.”</p>
<p>“But Alistair…”  Eamon was ignored as Alistair marched from the hall, his friends behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alistair went to the room where Selene had been staying.  He opened the door and looked around, as Barkspawn ran past him and threw himself onto the bed with a howl.  The room wasn’t empty.  She’d left behind a few pieces of clothes, including her only set of mage robes.  She was obviously not going back to Kinloch Hold.</p>
<p>He sat down beside Barkspawn.  This was why the mabari had been at the docks.  Their mage was gone.  She was…  “Where could she be?”  He looked up at their friends, but they all shook their heads.  Did no one know where she might have gone?  He’d send out riders… and sailors, for that matter, to try and get word of her.  He had to at least be sure she was safe.  He… he needed to know.</p>
<p>A blue scarf lying on the floor caught his eye.  It was the color of her eyes.  He’d seen her wearing it when they were staying at the Arl of Redcliffe’s Estate.  He leaned over and picked it up.  A waft of scent hit his nose.  It smelled of her.  He crumpled it, holding it to his chest.  He wasn’t aware of his tears until they began to blur his sight.  Grabbing the pillow, he let his grief consume him.</p>
<p>The others slowly left the room, giving the bereaved king his privacy.  He curled up on the bed.  Barkspawn laid beside him with his head on Alistair’s chest, as if making sure his heart still beat and his lungs still took in air.  Together, they sorrowed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. It's Hard to Find Good Minions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Disciples of the Old Ones begin their search for Morrigan.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was one truth in the universe that all leaders blessed by their Maker could agree to.  It was hard to find good minions.  Killsin looked out at his black hooded priests.  They should be discussing their sacrifice for Summersend, but there was a missing god out there and his people couldn’t get to him.  A stack of reports sat near him.  “I need an update”.</p>
<p>“Somehow Replenish managed to get Tribulation to let him court her again.  They will be attending the Summersend celebration together,” Humility announced.</p>
<p>“That wasn’t the type of update I was talking about,” Killsin groaned.</p>
<p>“Our spies in Southern Ferelden report that Flemeth has disappeared,” Forsaken admitted. </p>
<p>“She disappeared?” Killsin wasn’t happy.  “Did the darkspawn over run her cottage?  She is powerful enough to take on part of the horde by herself.”</p>
<p>“She is likely also looking for Morrigan,” Humble surmised.  “She knows what her daughter is carrying.”</p>
<p>“We just need to watch her friends,” Forsaken spoke up.  “She will return to them if she is troubled.  I can’t see them just letting her disappear with the King of Ferelden’s child.  They have to know about the dark ritual and the child.  Otherwise, the Grey Wardens would have sent word to Weisshaupt wanting to know how they could both still be alive.  Neither of them has attempted any contact with the other Grey Wardens.  They likely know.”</p>
<p>“My source says that Warden Amell has left Denerim,” Forsaken added.  “We aren’t sure where she is at the moment, but we will locate her again soon.”</p>
<p>“How did you lose her?”  Killsin groaned.  Did he have to do everything himself?  He had a ritual sacrifice to plan as well.</p>
<p>“She likely went after Morrigan,” Humility soothed him.  “She’ll lead us right to her and her child.  It’s been, what, about six weeks, seven, since the Battle of Denerim?  She won’t be showing yet or slowed down that much by the child.  We’ll pray to the Old Gods that morning sickness will affect her and slow down her attempts to outmaneuver us.”</p>
<p>“It’s a good thing she doesn’t even know we’re after her yet,” Forsaken added.</p>
<p>“I have my people keeping an eye to the north,” Replenish spoke for the first time since the meeting’s opening prayer.  She seemed to be taking everything in and calculating… something.  “I’ll have my people keep an eye out for Warden Amell as well.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Killsin nodded.  “Is there any other business?”</p>
<p>“Can you make sure your people bring better refreshments for our next meeting,” Forsaken glared at Replenish.  “Who brings carrots and turnips for refreshments?  They didn’t even make a dip for it.”</p>
<p>“I wanted something healthier than pie for once,” Replenish countered. </p>
<p>“I make the best pies you will ever have,” Forsaken hissed at him.</p>
<p>“Sure, you do,” Replenish rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“You haven’t even eaten them,” Humility revealed.  “I’ve noticed that.  You stick your nose up and don’t even try.  You find anything enjoyable to be a sin and, thus, must be avoided.”</p>
<p>“I do not,” Replenish gasped.</p>
<p>“You told Tribulation that song and dance were both sinful just last week,” Forsaken revealed.  “She told me all about it.  You had to promise her you’d stop lecturing her about her singing before she’d take you back.”</p>
<p>“I… The woman talks to much,” Replenish hissed.</p>
<p>“Well, you aren’t going to be put in charge of refreshments again,” Humility declared.  “I brought tarts for after this meeting and you are going to eat one.”</p>
<p>“I will not…”  Replenish began.</p>
<p>“You will if I have to hold you down and shove one into your mouth,” Humility vowed.</p>
<p>“So, we’re going to keep an eye on Morrigan’s friends and then hold Replenish down so Humility can shove a tart in his mouth.”  None of it sounded that bad to Killsin.  “Very well, we are adjourned.”  He blew out his candle and stood.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Change of Plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene begins to notice a few things.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“If you want to disappear, Selene, you could do it almost anywhere,” Zevran complained.  “I thought we were heading for Kirkwall to find your family.”</p>
<p>“We will, eventually,” Selene assured him.  She knew he thought she was being a coward, putting off any confrontation with the family she thought should be required to love her, but might not.  It wasn’t that.  It wasn’t even an intricate plot to keep anyone from tracing her movements, either.  She had simply stepped foot on a ship at the docks in Denerim and realized that while she had travelled across Ferelden, she hadn’t been able to appreciate the country.  She would let Leliana go back to Haven to guard an urn.  She would explore Ferelden like they’d planned to.  As she explored, she would continue to work on her skills as an Arcane mage.  She had purchased a new sword and was already practicing with it.</p>
<p>She admitted that she missed her friend, although it wasn’t nearly as much as she missed her handsome prince.  That part yelled at her to return to Denerim and fight whoever she needed to for him.  She’d taken on an archdemon, and Eamon, this mysterious woman he was marrying, and the entire bannorn; they didn’t compare.  She told that part of her to shut up.  She would not humiliate herself like that nor would she stand by and watch Alistair pledge himself to another woman, to give the other woman everything she’d wanted from him; his heart, his affection, his smiles, his…  She told that part of her to shut up too.</p>
<p>Selene was now in a castle that overlooked the Waking Sea.  She found that many nobles would gladly open their homes to her when they realized exactly who she was.  She had visited several Alamarri ruins and planned to visit several more.  She wondered what it was like to be an Alamarri mage.  Were they feared, respected, both?  Many said that Andraste was an Alamarri mage.  She had been captured and enslaved by Tevinter, but released at some point.  That or escaped, she was never sure.  She’d married, even if her husband had been a jerk.  She’d had children and no one yanked them out of her arms and took them away.</p>
<p>It was the thought of children that caused her to mentally pause for a moment.  She belatedly realized she hadn’t had her monthly courses since before the Battle of Denerim.  She supposed it might have something to do with being a Grey Warden.</p>
<p>“Are you at least feeling better?”  Zevran interrupted her thoughts.</p>
<p>That reminded her of the nausea she’d experienced that morning.  She figured it had something to do with the bacon they were served with dinner the night before.  The smell had made her sick.  Zevran had insisted that it was fine, that it smelled good, but she couldn’t stand the smell.  She’d had the same problem with the Antivan drink someone had been consuming the day before.  They called it coffee.  She had gotten whatever it was, likely the bacon, out of her system.  “I’m fine.”  She patted Zevran’s arm.  My stomach is obviously not as strong as yours.</p>
<p>“Is that why you are avoiding going to Kirkwall?”  He teased.   “We sailed north and you decided you hadn’t seen enough of Ferelden.  You were just hiding that you were seasick.”</p>
<p>“No, I…”  She watched the crashing waves.  “Ferelden has been my home for so long, I’m going to miss her and just wanted to see more.”</p>
<p>Zevran studied her for a moment.  “Is it because Leliana had wanted to travel or because it’s <em>his</em> country?”</p>
<p>“His who?”  She batted her eyelashes at him, trying to act confused.</p>
<p>“Hmmm….”  Zevran pulled her close.  “Perhaps I can make that <em>him who</em> real, my little mint dollop.  I will…”  He paused.  “Don’t throw a lightning bolt at me for noticing this, but… I have seen you in this dress before, my Deadly Goddess.  Your… cleavage has increased.  More of it shows, I swear there <em>is</em> more of it.”</p>
<p>“My…”  She looked down.  Andraste’s Apples, they <em>were </em>bigger.  She’d noticed her breasts had been tender recently, but not that they had gotten bigger.  She’d dismissed the tenderness, thinking it must be from travelling or all the crying over He Who Must No Longer Be Named, because she wanted to cry when she heard his name.  Perhaps even that was just a side effect of whatever was wrong with her.  “Zevran, I think something’s wrong with me.”</p>
<p>“Is it a side effect of the Joining?”  He inquired.  “We could find a Grey Warden to ask.  The closest Grey Warden is…”  He stopped.</p>
<p>“The closest Grey Warden is in Denerim,” she supplied.  “I’m not going back there.  I don’t want to contact Weisshaupt, they’ll give me some assignment and expect me to Grey Warden for them, as Lieutenant Carroll would say.”  The mention of the Templar who had given her a hard time when she returned to Kinloch hold reminded her of someone else.  Someone who had made a strange concoction that she had drank at Soldiers’ Peak.  Was he concoction why she hadn’t died when she killed the Archdemon?</p>
<p>“Then we go to Orlais,” Zevran interrupted her thoughts again.</p>
<p>“No, there is one closer.  Or there is a former one,” she corrected herself.  “Let’s just hope that Avernus didn’t die from old age while I was dealing with the Archdemon.  We’re going to Soldier’s Peak.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Return to Soldier's Peak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene gets some unexpected news.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I was not expecting you to return here anytime soon,” Michael Dryden grinned at Selene as she approached Soldier’s Peak.  Zevran walked a few steps behind.  “Do you have time to forge staffs with me?  I could teach you to make a basic knife.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t expecting to return,” she admitted.  “I’m here to see Avernus, but I think we could find time for a knife lesson.” </p>
<p>“Excellent, my lady,” he bowed.  “I look forward to it.”</p>
<p>Levy intercepted her as she started up the stairs to the Keep.  “What’s wrong, Grey Warden.”  When she glared at him, he coughed.  “I mean Selene.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure,” she admitted.  “But I think it might have to do with something I drank while here.  Avernus mixed it.  I just need to talk to him.  He hasn’t, finally, succumbed to old age, has he?”</p>
<p>“No,” Levy assured her.  “We’ve been keeping an eye on him.  He’s behaved himself so far.”</p>
<p>“Good,” she nodded and continued in.  “Zevran, why don’t you see how well supplied the Drydens are?  I want to speak to Avernus alone.”</p>
<p>“Selene,” he objected.  “It could be bad news; I should be with you.”</p>
<p>“I… I think I need to be alone for this.”  She looked over at the tower.  “Whatever he tells me might include more Grey Warden secrets.  I promise to tell you everything I can.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do this,” Zevran pointed out.</p>
<p>“Yes, I do.”  She continued on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Avernus greeted her warmly once Selene had made it to his chamber.  He listened to her concerns and had her list her symptoms.</p>
<p>“I admit that the potion was supposed to alter some of the effects of being a Grey Warden, but it shouldn’t have saved you from the Ultimate Sacrifice.  The Archdemon should have taken you into the Abyss with it when it died.  Yet, here you are.  I’ll let you look at my notes and…”  He hesitated.  “Some of the things I tried were inspired by a Grimoire.  I’ll let you take a look at that as well.  It was said to have been stolen from an ancient and powerful witch.”</p>
<p>“What else could it have been?”  She watched him slowly make his way to a bookshelf.  She wondered if Flemeth had lost more than one grimoire, but didn’t think the infamous Witch of the Wilds could be so careless.  “The Maker hasn’t interceded for any other Grey Wardens, so it couldn’t have been that.  There’s no reason he would love me more than those who ended the previous Blights.”</p>
<p>“If the Maker is interceding that much, you’d think he’d take a more direct route in destroying the Darkspawn… and possibly freeing his mages.”  Avernus handed her the Grimoire.</p>
<p>Its cover appeared eerily familiar.  She opened it and began reading a bit.  She might have been wrong, the ancient witch might be that careless… or crafty.  “This belonged to Flemeth, didn’t it?”</p>
<p>“So, the legend around it said,” Avernus admitted.  “I don’t think she still exists, though.  She must have died hundreds of years ago.”</p>
<p>“No, she didn’t,” Selene revealed.  “I met her.  I attempted to kill her, but I doubt it took.”</p>
<p>“Really?”  Avernus grinned, it was a freaky sight.  “I’ll let you keep it, then.”  He decided.  “After all, the ritual that I borrowed from when I added her stuff to my research was supposed to cause the person who performed it to become pregnant.  I wonder what happens if you add Grey Warden blood into the mix.  I guess it would make it easier to become pregnant.  Female Grey Wardens aren’t sterile, like some of the males like to believe.  Neither are the males for that matter.  There have been documented cases of Grey Wardens becoming pregnant, but the men like to encourage women to think that can’t happen; it makes it easier to get them into bed.”</p>
<p>“I can still have children?”  Selene’s hand went to her abdomen. </p>
<p>“Obviously someone told you that you could not,” Avernus nodded sagely.  “I hope they didn’t manage to talk you into their bed.”</p>
<p>“That was before they told me,” she admitted.  “The Taint, though, even if it doesn’t really leave us sterile, it could harm a baby if I get pregnant.”</p>
<p>“<em>If</em>?”  He laughed.  “My lady, you already <em>are</em> pregnant.  You admitted to me that you have not had your courses for at least two moons.  Your appetite is off and your body is feeling the changes.  Have you had sexual intercourse since taking the potion?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she admitted.  She made a sour expression.  “He talked me into his bed again.  It was the night before…”  She drifted off as the memories of the conversation with Morrigan came back to her.  Could the Dark Ritual described in the book have worked through the potion?  Did the archdemon’s soul go into a child she hadn’t been aware that she was carrying?  Was she carrying a demon child?  What if it was just a normal baby?  She was endangering it with her own blood!  “What about the Taint?”</p>
<p>“Yes, you asked before,” he reminded her.  “I will make potions before you leave and give you a schedule to take them.  I believe I know what herbs you need to make sure the Taint doesn’t hurt the child.  I’d like to keep an eye on you for a few weeks, to make sure they are working.  After that, I will send you with enough bottles to get you through this pregnancy.  “Should I congratulate you?”</p>
<p>“I… don’t know.”  She’d never dared dream of having a child.  If she’d conceived in a mage circle, the Chantry would have taken her baby from her the moment it was born.  She’d managed to get away from the Chantry Mage Prisons, but was then told she could no longer have children.  Yet, she was alone.  No, she wasn’t.  She still had a friend by her side and if she found her family, the child would have more than just her that he or she could turn to.</p>
<p>“What of the father?”  Avernus’ voice was gentler than she’d ever heard it.</p>
<p>“He’s also a Grey Warden,” she informed him.  “Will that endanger my baby more?”</p>
<p>“I’ll factor that in, but don’t doubt my abilities, Commander Amell,” he insisted.  Her head jerked up and he laughed.  “It would be Commander now.  Did you not lead an army to slay an Archdemon?  Even here, we have heard the news.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” she nodded.  “I’m placing the life of this unborn child in your hands, Avernus.  Believe me that I am trusting you.”  She wondered if she should tell him about it possibly being a demon child.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What did he say to you?”  Zevran rushed to her side as she walked outside the fort.  He saw her face.  “How long do you have?”</p>
<p>“About another seven to eight months,” she muttered.  “We’ll stay here for one of those.”</p>
<p>Zevran drew her into his arms and held her.  “I’ll be by your side through it all.  Will you need me to bring you food and wipe your pert behind?”</p>
<p>“What?” She drew back a bit and blinked at him.</p>
<p>“And where would you like me to take your ashes after you succumb?”  He inquired.  “Antiva is beautiful, but it has too many Crows.  You said your family was from Kirkwall.  I could go there and release them off of one of their nearby mountains or into the Waking Sea.  I could also take them back to Denerim and let King Alistair… I mean that Ferelden King whose name I would never speak.  He might want to take them to the Deep Roads or something.”</p>
<p>“My ashes?”  She repeated.  “Zevran, I’m not dying.  I’m pregnant.  And if you dare take me back to Denerim, I will return from the grave and kill you.”</p>
<p>“Pregnant!”  He took a step back.  “It isn’t mine!”  He declared out of habit.  “I mean… but we haven’t…”  He stopped and paused, realizing she wasn’t saying he was the father and that he knew just who the father was.  “Oh.  Are you sure you do not want to return to Denerim?”  Her expression caused him to take several more steps back.  “Of course not, why would you want to do something silly like that.  We’re going to go to Kirkwall.”</p>
<p>“We’ll be staying for about a month, though,” she informed him.  She walked to Michael.  “It looks like I’ll be here for several weeks.  Let’s get to those knife making lessons.  Oh, and perhaps another sword for when I master more of my Arcane techniques.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. We Have Spoken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Disciples of the Old Ones continue to plot... and to plan.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I have dreamed a dream.”  Killsin looked around the table.  Candles burned in the middle and the hooded priests all looked at him, their faces showing little of their emotions.</p>
<p>“You are still in charge of the annual human sacrifice,” Humility spoke.  “This dream will not get you out of it.”</p>
<p>“That isn’t our concern right now,” he waved off the worries.  “This is about Urthemiel’s fate.”</p>
<p>“Have you found Flemeth’s daughter?”  Forsaken asked.</p>
<p>“No,” he admitted.  “We know that she was with the Grey Wardens, though, and that both survived.  Dirthamen came to me last night, as I slumbered under the full moon.  He told me that Urthemiel’s soul survives.”  He referred to the Elven god of Secrets.  The one who was also Razikale and slumbered, aware, but bound in the Deep Roads. </p>
<p>“As we suspected,” Replenish nodded.</p>
<p>“Dirthamen assured me that we would be successful,” Killsin continued.  “We will find this baby who carries our god’s soul and we will raise Him ourselves.  When He is old enough, he will free his surviving brethren and they will retake Thedas.”</p>
<p>“That has always been the plan,” Humility agreed.  “Yet we have yet to find him.”</p>
<p>“We will,” Killsin assured the others.  “Dirthamen gave me another command as well.  The Grey Wardens cannot be allowed to survive.  We must destroy them all.”</p>
<p>“Grey Wardens are not so easily dispatched,” Replenished warned.  “There were only two of them in Ferelden and they took down Urthemiel.”</p>
<p>Killsin banged his fist on the table.  “They must all be destroyed.  If there are only two in Ferelden we will start there.”</p>
<p>The doors opened and two figures in black robes entered.  “We will kill them all,” one of them pronounced.  “We can start with the two in Ferelden, but I suggest we also begin to eliminate those in Orlais, Navarra, and the Anderfels.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a plan, Modesty?”  Killsin asked as the missing two priests sat. </p>
<p>“We will organize a choir for the Summersend sacrifice,” she decided.</p>
<p>“I mean about Urthemiel,” Killsin redirected her.</p>
<p>“We will send out the Five,” she proclaimed.  “Two will take care of the ones in Ferelden.  Undoubtedly it was their two best that they’d preserved in case of disaster.  I doubt they would have protected novices of any sort.  The others will slowly hunt the Wardens in the other three countries.  As soon as the two in Ferelden are dead, we can focus on the Free Marches as well.”</p>
<p>“We know one of those Wardens is now the King of Ferelden,” Recompense, the other priest who had come in late, added.  “He should be easy to kill.  We can easily figure out who the other Warden in Ferelden is.  They will both be dead within the year.  Our God will only be a few months old and we can move into Ferelden with him for his safety.”</p>
<p>“All will be well,” Killsin liked the plan.  “Thus…</p>
<p>“No,” Replenish spoke up.  “I don’t like the choir idea.  We can have musicians playing, but a choir is too much.  Nothing should distract from our ritual chanting.”</p>
<p>“We’re always chanting,” Recompense complained.  “We need some variety here.  You aren’t exactly the best chanter, either, Replenish.  You get off beat, and cause others to get behind also.  It makes the chanting sound bad.”</p>
<p>“I do not get off,” Replenish objected.</p>
<p>“I agree with Modesty,” Humility decided.  “We can have the choir sing something dark and somber to really set the mood before the sacrifice.  It will be great.”</p>
<p>“Replenish is right, a choir is too much,” Forsaken backed Replenish.  “I still object to whoever decided to have a cheese bar.  Cheese causes my stomach to hurt.”</p>
<p>“The seers have predicted that the vessel of Urthemiel will love cheese,” Killsin revealed.  “Therefore, we will have cheese.”</p>
<p>“What do those seers know,” Forsaken grumbled.  “They’re three old women sitting with candles and bowls of water.  They likely knit and gossip when we’re not around.”</p>
<p>“We will listen to their words,” Killsin’s voice brooked no argument.  “There will be a choir and cheese at the sacrifice.  We will also destroy all of the Grey Wardens, starting with those of Ferleden.  Thus, we have spoken.”</p>
<p>“We have spoken.”  The priests all spoke as one.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Welcome to Kirkwall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene arrives in Kirkwall.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hold on to things that make you happy and let go of things that make you sad!  Life is too short to be wasted on negative things.  So, <em>enjoy</em> it,” Zevran declared.</p>
<p>Selene Amell turned her attention back to Kirkwall as it grew larger.  They had passed under large chains and now there were statues of slaves all around her.  “This feels more like a prison than Kinloch Hold.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t say that too loudly,” Zevran cautioned.  “I overheard some of the other passengers talking and this may not be the best place for us.  There is a mage circle here, the Gallows.  They said the Knight Commander rules the Templars and Mages with an iron fist and she sees blood mages and Malificarum everywhere.”</p>
<p>“So, the city is full of Templars, Andraste’s Bloodied Tears,” she cursed.  She knew that Andraste’s tears weren’t bloody, she’d seen them for herself.  She left the country she loved and many could have beens to find her family, only to find they lived in a viper’s nest.  Her hand went to her abdomen, she had to find family for her baby.  It might turn out to be a horrible demon, but it was her horrible demon and she didn’t want to be the only person raising it.  Besides, the things that made her sad were also back in Ferelden.  She couldn’t let go of him… them… if they were a constant presence in her life.</p>
<p>“I’m here to protect you,” Zevran assured her.  “I can take you to the Dalish if you like, they’re nearby.  You know one clan; the others might be nice to you.”</p>
<p>“I’m a shem,” she reminded him.  “And I’d bring unwanted Templar attention to them.  No, I have enough coin to rent a room in a nice tavern until I find my family or a source of income.  I have a few ideas.”  She smiled sadly.  “I have skills that I’ve never been able to put to use.”</p>
<p>Zevran’s eyes widened.  “You don’t mean… weren’t you a virgin the first time you and Alistair… I’m sure you learned many things being with him, but… I can support us both, don’t go that way, especially not when you have a child on the way.  I told you what it was like growing up in a whorehouse before the Crows bought me.  I don’t care if your baby does have the soul of an archdemon, you can’t raise it in that type of surrounding.  You said you did want to… I mean…”</p>
<p>Selene looked down at her abdomen.  “It’s mine.  It’s mine and Alistair’s, I couldn’t… I… I’ve lost too much.”  She looked back up at him.  “And I wasn’t talking about <em>that</em>.  I mean <em>artisanal </em>skills.  You would think that I meant…?  <em>I defeated an archdemon!</em>”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Zevran gulped.  “I mean… of course.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me,” a man put a hand on her arm and Selene jumped.  “I didn’t mean to scare you.  I’m also from Ferelden.”</p>
<p>“How did you know that I’m from…”   Selene stopped and thought a moment.  “We left from Ferelden, most of us are Fereldans.”</p>
<p>“I’m not,” Zevran reminded her.</p>
<p>“I’ve seen you before,” the man confided.  “I know who you are.  I’m from Redcliffe, you see.  I lost most of my family when the undead attacked.  It’s just my daughter and I.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.”  Selene wished she’d gotten to Redcliffe sooner.  There had been so much wasted life, all thanks to Loghain, Howe, Jowan, and a frightened boy.</p>
<p>“I saw you there,” he added. </p>
<p>“You must be mistaken,” she insisted.  “I’m not from Redcliffe.”  She didn’t need her presence in Kirkwall becoming a well-known fact in Thedas. </p>
<p>“You came and fought them off for us.  You made them stop.  You saved my Laurel.”</p>
<p>She smiled at that.  “I… I only did what I thought was right.”</p>
<p>“Why are you fleeing Ferelden?”  He pressed.  “I’d heard the Hero had disappeared, but I know it’s you.”</p>
<p>“I can’t stay,” was all she could tell him.  “Besides, I want to find my own family and the last memory I have of them was in Kirkwall.”</p>
<p>He nodded.  “I hope you find them.  I understand not being able to stay.  I couldn’t bear to be in Redcliffe any longer without my Heather or my other children; Jim, Lily, and Gabriel.  Every time I went into the tavern, I would remember eating there with Heather.  I started rebuilding my home, after the darkspawn burned it down and one day, as I put hammer to nail, I looked over at Laurel.  She was crying because her mother and siblings wouldn’t live there with us.  I knew we had to leave.  A friend of mine gave me a name of a woman who helps Fereldan refugees get settled and find work.  I can take you with me when I meet her.  There is no need for anyone else to know what you did for Ferelden, for Thedas, if you don’t want them to.  The rumors said you just disappeared right before some big celebration.  I figure that means you wanted to disappear and you don’t want people throwing parades for you.”</p>
<p>She nodded.  “That’s right.  Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Did you disappear from our nobles or the Grey Wardens?”  His curiosity was too much.</p>
<p>“Both,” she revealed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene and Zevran followed Samuel, the refugee from Redcliffe, and his daughter Laurel from the ship.  “They kept our people trapped out here during the Blight,” Samuel revealed as they stood on the docks.  “They had to pay bribes to get in or they were sent packing, back to Ferelden.”</p>
<p>“But there was a Blight!”  Selene objected.  “They were sending them back to their deaths, depending on where the ships landed.  If the Archdemon hadn’t been defeated, they <em>all</em> would have been killed!”</p>
<p>Samuel nodded.  “At least things have gotten better since then.”</p>
<p>“Go back to Ferelden!”  A large burly man tried to get in their way.  “We don’t…”  He stopped, his eyes widening.  Then he dropped to the ground.</p>
<p>“Shit!”  Samuel looked around nervously.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” Zevran soothed.  “He is alive.  He’s just taking a nap.” </p>
<p>Selene had seen him blend into shadows, but not what he’d done to the man.  “How?”</p>
<p>“I just nicked his arm with my dagger,” Zevran explained.  “There is a sleeping drought coated on it.  It seems he is very susceptible to it.  He should have been wearing armor.</p>
<p>Samuel nodded and continued on, leading them to Lowtown.  He stopped a man with a mabari beside him.  “I am looking for Lirene’s Fereldan Imports.”</p>
<p>“What is your business with Lirene?”  The man growled.  He looked down at Laurel and his aggressive posture eased a bit.  “I mean… I might know where it is, why do you want to know?”</p>
<p>“We just arrived from Ferelden,” Sam explained.  “You might say <em>we are</em> Ferelden Imports.”</p>
<p>“Is this your wife?”  The man indicated Selene.  “Why does she have a knife ear with her?”</p>
<p>“She’s a friend,” Sam assured him.</p>
<p>“The <em>elf</em> is a friend of mine,” she added.  “He had heard that Kirkwall wasn’t safe for Fereldans and wanted to make sure I was all right.”</p>
<p>Her Fereldan accent, along with Sam’s, must have assured the man.  “Me and my friends make this area safe for Fereldans, my lady.  I’ll take you to Lirene’s store.  Do either of you have any skills?”</p>
<p>“I was a Ferrier,” Sam revealed.  “I haven’t seen many horses around here, though.”</p>
<p>“The Templars have a stable and so do nobles,” the man revealed.  “She might be able to find work for you, something besides the Bone Pitt.  That place isn’t safe, but they do hire Fereldan.  And you, my lady?”</p>
<p>“She’s looking for her family,” Sam explained.  “They… she believes they are here now.”  She knew he meant to assure the man that she was <em>not</em> a Kirkwall native.</p>
<p>“I have some experience with metal working,” Selene added.  “I can carve a mean, yet pretty, quarter staff as well.”  She didn’t mention that she had only made one quarter staff, the rest were eventually made into mage staves.  The Tranquil liked to think they were the only ones who could craft such things, them and the dwarves that was.  One just had to learn to be careful and patient.  She suspected the Templars didn’t want mages making their own weapons, and planning to use them in an uprising, so they perpetuated the false beliefs. </p>
<p>“She’s also pretty good in a fight,” Zevran spoke up.</p>
<p>Selene glared at him.  She didn’t want it advertised that she was a Grey Warden or a mage.  “I do all right.”</p>
<p>“There are mercenary groups and smugglers who hire if you’re good enough,” the man commented.  “The last time they took on a Fereldan, though, was an apostate and her brother about a year ago.  They’re working for themselves now, from what I hear.  They wanted the pair, because of the apostate.  The brother is handy enough with a sword, but an apostate is a real find.  It’s hard to find mages outside of the Gallows.  Meredith has an iron fist.  Few escape and they aren’t foolish enough to stick around.”</p>
<p>Selene tried not to react.  She wasn’t going back to the Circle, especially not now that she had someone else who had to be protected from the Templars.  She couldn’t fight right now, anyway, so there was no need for anyone to know she was a mage.  At least she couldn’t go looking for fights and battles right now.  She would give her Little Demon the best chance she could.  “I can’t fight right now, I’m… well, that will have to wait awhile.”</p>
<p>“Are you…”  Sam turned to her and looked at her abdomen as if she were already showing. </p>
<p>“I’m a metal and wood crafter who is retired from fighting,” her voice was firm.</p>
<p>“We’re here,” the man smiled at her.  “Welcome to Kirkwall, just smell the blood magic and oppression.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene had seen nicer shops in Denerim’s Alienage.  For that matter, the alienage was nicer than the area where the shop was located.  The shop had worn wooden walls.  The floor was also wood and even more worn.  A few tables were set up and there was a box on the wall.  A dark-haired woman in clean, but simple clothing was behind the largest table.  There were a few goods, but not many.</p>
<p>“I guess Ferelden isn’t exporting much these days,” Zevran murmured to her.</p>
<p>She looked around again, there were plenty of people in the shop.  They looked worn and sad.  Their voices all lacked any accents.  “Yes, she is, she’s exported too many of her people.”</p>
<p>“I’ll happily find passage on a ship back to her if you want to cut down on that number,” Zevran offered.  At her glared he added, “or I will take you all the way to Antiva.”</p>
<p>“Antiva isn’t safe for you,” she reminded him.  “Besides, I have a reason for being here.”</p>
<p>“And what is your reason for being here?”  The lady who had been behind the longest table asked her.</p>
<p>“Samuel,” Selene looked at her friend.</p>
<p>Sam stepped forward.  “My daughter and I have come from Ferelden.”  He put an arm around Laurel.  “We are here to start a new life.”</p>
<p>“I’d heard the Blight was over,” the woman pointed out.</p>
<p>“It is,” Sam assured her.  “Thanks to Gre…”  He’d turned to look back at Selene who quickly shook her head.  “Thanks to the two Grey Wardens who survived Loghain’s treachery at Ostagar.”</p>
<p>“Then why did you leave?”  The woman pressed.</p>
<p>“I’ve lost too much,” Sam told her.  He told her his story of loss, giving details of the nights that the undead had taken those he loved away from him.  “It’s just us now and we can’t…”  His voice broke.</p>
<p>“Shh,” the woman pulled him into a hug.  “I… I didn’t know that things were so bad there.”</p>
<p>“The Hero of Ferelden stopped it,” the man assured her.  “It was just too late for some of us, but that was Loghain’s fault, not hers.  I hope she knows how much her people appreciate what she did.”</p>
<p>“I’m Lirene,” the woman introduced herself.  “I’ll get you situated.”  She looked up at Selene.  “I’ll help you in a minute.”</p>
<p>“No, you should help…”  Sam began.</p>
<p>“She should first help the father and daughter who were kind enough to bring me here,” Selene insisted.</p>
<p>As Lirene took Sam to the table, Selene turned to one of the patrons.  “Is there any way to help?”</p>
<p>“You want to help?”  The man examined her dress and then glanced at staff she carried.  “First, I’ll give you advise.  Cover the gem on your staff, mage.  It isn’t passing as a quarterstaff and this town has more Templars than Ferelden does dogs.  There’s also a donation box right there,” he pointed to the box on the wall.  “A lot of people don’t hire Ferelden and our people are hungry.  I don’t suppose you’re a healer?”</p>
<p>“No,” she didn’t deny that she was a mage.  She’d gotten too used to the protection of the Grey Wardens and apparently wasn’t hiding well enough.  She’d have to reveal her status if the Templars came after her, but that meant the Grey Wardens would know where she was. </p>
<p>“Ah,” the patron nodded.  “I’d hoped.  We dearly need one.  The only healers are in the Gallows and the Chantry controls them… and their prices.  Most of us can’t afford those prices.”  Sure, mages could take their golem friends to Tevinter, like Wynne and Shale planned, but they couldn’t go set up a clinic.</p>
<p>“Are they all in the Gallows?”  She would have to find a traditional midwife if they were.</p>
<p>“They are,” the patron confirmed.  “If you know any other apostates, perhaps you could tell a healer we really need them.  But I wouldn’t suggest anyone come here.”  He moved on.</p>
<p>Selene went over to the box and casually pulled out three gold pieces.  She slipped them in and turned back to where Lirene helped Sam.  She found the patroness watching her with interest. </p>
<p>“Thank you for your help,” Sam took his daughter by the hand and walked to her.  “I hope to see you again.  I can never thank you enough.”</p>
<p>“What did you do for him?”  Lirene inquired.</p>
<p>“It was nothing worth talking about,” Selene assured her.  “He is the one who helped me, by bringing me here.”</p>
<p>“What does bring you and your elven friend to Kirkwall?”  Lirene pressed.</p>
<p>“I’m her bodyguard,” Zevran revealed.</p>
<p>“Really?”  Lirene raised an eyebrow.  “Why are you now in Lowtown, if you can afford a bodyguard?”</p>
<p>“I don’t exactly pay him.”  Selene immediately knew how that sounded.  “He isn’t my slave!  He’s a friend who accompanied me to Kirkwall, because he worries about my safety.  He is free to come and go as he pleases.”</p>
<p>“Does he have any job skills?”  Lirene inquired.</p>
<p>“I’m a former assassin,” Zevran disclosed.  “I am reformed now and only kill those who deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Too bad,” Lirene murmured.  “An assassin in Kirkwall, a professional one, could probably make a lot of money.  If you were in your old profession, I’d suggest you hang around the docks to find work.”</p>
<p>“And you…?”  She looked at Selene.</p>
<p>“Selene Amell,” she introduced herself.</p>
<p>“Amell?”  Lirene obviously recognized the name and Selene silently cursed.  Did all of Kirkwall know her name?  She’d only heard the person who’d killed the Archdemon called the Warden or the Hero of Ferelden. </p>
<p>“Yes,” Selene sent a silent prayer up to the Maker that all of Kirkwall didn’t know her name and that someone wasn’t running to tell the Fereldan Royal Court where she was.  “My family is from Kirkwall.  I’m here to find them.”</p>
<p>“You are moving here?”  Lirene was surprised.</p>
<p>“I am,” Selene assured her.  “I have no intention of going back to Ferelden.  I… Sam and I have that in common, it’s too painful to be there after all I lost during the Blight.”</p>
<p>Lirene nodded.  “We had plenty of refugees fleeing here during the Blight.  Thank the Maker for the Grey Warden who stopped it, but you aren’t the first one who lost too much.  What skills do you have?”</p>
<p>“I have studied metal and wood working, although I didn’t have much time to develop a career out of it when I was… in my previous life,” she explained.  “I’ve spent the last year battling… involved in fighting darkspawn.”</p>
<p>“You fought darkspawn!”  Lirene’s eyes widened.  “What are they like?”</p>
<p>“They’re horrid, mindless monsters,” Selene informed her.  “I am in no condition to fight right now, though.”</p>
<p>Lirene scanned her quickly.  “I don’t see any injuries.  Did you take an arrow to the knee?”</p>
<p>“I…”  Selene swallowed.  “I have found myself in delicate condition.  I became… gravid… shortly before the Battle of Denerim.”</p>
<p>“You’re…”  Lirene’s eyes went to her abdomen.  She nodded.  “That would keep you from joining any mercenary groups or smugglers.  I was almost hoping you could join the guards.  The guard captain was recently arrested and has been replaced by a Fereldan woman.  It would be nice to see more of our women in the guards and in honorable positions.”</p>
<p>“I was more interested in opening a shop where I sold staffs and metal goods; jewelry and such,” Selene explained.  “I have made a sword before, but I feel I need more practice before I become a weapon smith.”</p>
<p>Lirene nodded.  “I can help you get set up.  “The gold you just donated has more than earned you that.”</p>
<p>“I…”  Selene had thought she was more subtle.</p>
<p>“Do you still have enough to cover rent somewhere?”  Lirene inquired.</p>
<p>“I do,” Selene assured her. </p>
<p>“I’d heard the Amells used to be a proud noble family around here,” Lirene noted.  “And you’re obviously educated, so I can find you basic scholarly work while you get the shop set up if you need it.  You’ll need to go to the Gallows to find a healer for your pregnancy.  If you would prefer a midwife, I can get you one.”</p>
<p>“I would prefer a midwife, unless you can find a healer not at the Gallows,” Selene assured her.</p>
<p>“Not at the…”  Lirene’s eyes went to the staff Selene carried.  “Oh.  You might want to disguise that more as a walking stick and stay as far from the Gallows as you can.  Too bad you aren’t a healer.  I will have someone take you to <em>the Hanged Man</em>.  It’s a dirty dump, but it is a good place for your friend to find work and it’s safe.  I can send out feelers for your family if you’d like.”</p>
<p>“You can do that?”  Selene’s jaw dropped.  She hadn’t expected help so soon.</p>
<p>“You’re one of my imports,” Lirene patted her hand.</p>
<p>“I…”  Selene looked around the place again.  “Do you need help here?  I can try to find time to come here and help with our people.”  She found that she’d spent so long helping the people of Ferelden that she didn’t want to stop.  She didn’t want to be their Hero, but she would be there if they needed her.</p>
<p>“I would like that,” Lirene smiled at her.  “I can promise you that no Templars come in here and someone with your… education… would come in handy.  If only you knew how to heal.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Demands of the Grey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A message from the Grey Wardens arrives in Denerim.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were out of cheese.  That was it, Alistair hated his job.  The cook had told him just that morning that they’d run out.  She claimed that their shortage had been mentioned in a report she’d sent to the seneschal and it wasn’t her fault if he didn’t get the message.  He was sure that this would never have happened if Selene had stayed as one of his advisers.  Life would be so much better if she had just stayed.</p>
<p>He reached down and scratched the top of Barkspawn’s head while half listening to Eamon and the other advisers gathered in this office.  He’d sneak out and go to a tavern for dinner.  They’d have cheese.</p>
<p>“We are going to have a ball and invite the eligible ladies of Thedas to it,” Eamon was saying.</p>
<p>“What?”  Alistair had no idea what he was talking about.</p>
<p>Barkspawn perked his ears up at the word ball, but then realized that Eamon wasn’t talking about playing and rested his head back against Alistair’s leg.  Alistair knew his dog had been as depressed as he had been for the last few months.  Maker, they both missed <em>her</em>. </p>
<p>Gallagher Wulff groaned.  “Your Majesty, should we continue this at some other time, when you aren’t distracted.  What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Did we run out of cheese in the palace?”  Teagan teased.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Alistair moaned.  “We did.”</p>
<p>Elfstanna blinked at him.  “Seriously?  We’re planning a major social event and the palace kitchen can’t even keep cheese supplied?  Is this Ferelden or have I found myself in Orlais?”</p>
<p>“Orlais doesn’t run out of cheese,” Alistair declared.  The Empress of Orlais probably didn’t lose the woman she loved, either.  They were ruthless and could keep those they love at their side while playing their deadly Game.  “I’ll have to reorganize the palace so this doesn’t happen again.”</p>
<p>“Alistair,” Eamon’s voice was firm.  “The ball is more important.”</p>
<p>Alistair wondered when Eamon had gone insane.  A ball more important than cheese?  Was he really a Fereldan?  “OK.  Tell me about this ball.”</p>
<p>“We’ll plan it for six months from now,” Elfstanna declared.  “That will give us time to get out all of the invitations and for the ladies to have time to come.  We may want events leading up to the ball, so Your Majesty can get to know your guests.”</p>
<p>“Why?”  His heart was taken, it was gone.  Selene had taken it with her when she left him.  There was nothing left to give to another.  He was left cold, with his duty. </p>
<p>“What was that?”  Eamon turned sharply on him.</p>
<p>“Who will be organizing these events?”  He’d go through the motions.  He’d find someone who would be a good mother to his heirs.  He did owe it to his future child to make sure they were happy.  He cursed the fates that that child could not be Selene’s as well. </p>
<p>“We’ll bring your seneschal in,” Eamon decided.  “He will be organizing the palace for our guests, so he might have a say; but you are in charge, Alistair.”</p>
<p>“We will all help, though,” Gallagher offered.  “We want to attract a queen who will be good for Ferelden.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Alistair closed his eyes for a moment and petted Barkspawn’s head again.  “As for the seneschal, we’ll bring in a new one.”</p>
<p>“A new one?”  Eamon was confused.</p>
<p>“We ran out of cheese,” Alistair pointed out.  Why did Eamon not see what a tragedy that was? </p>
<p>“Agreed,” Alfstanna nodded.  “Let us know if you need help interviewing them.”</p>
<p>“I have to…?”  Alistair trailed off.  Of course, he had to interview his own steward.  If Selene had stayed, he could have asked her to do it; or at least, do it with him.  He trusted her opinion on people, even if she was foolish enough to fall in love with him.  “Of course, I will let you know.”</p>
<p>“We need to discuss the guest list as well,” Eamon turned the subject back to the ball.  “We have to invite Empress…”</p>
<p>The door opened and everyone’s attention turned to the messenger coming in.  He wore a Grey Warden uniform and had a messenger bag strapped around him. </p>
<p>A guard came chasing after him.  “I told him he had to wait, but he came in anyway.  I don’t want to hurt a Grey Warden.”</p>
<p>“As if you could,” the messenger raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Eamon crossed his arms.  “This had better be important.”</p>
<p>Alistair leaned forward.  “What is it?  Do we have another darkspawn problem?  Is something wrong with Amaranthine?”</p>
<p>“I hope there aren’t more darkspawn raising out of the south a Ferelden,” the messenger confided.  “Weisshaupt has sent several letters to Ferelden, Your Majesty.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know why neither Amell nor I died when we killed the Archdemon,” Alistair sighed.  “I told you guys that already.  Yes, one of us should be dead, but neither of us are.”  He prayed to the Maker that Selene wasn’t dead.   He’d received no word from her since she disappeared months before. </p>
<p>“Yes, so you both claimed,” the Grey Warden nodded.  “We have our mages researching that one.  We have sent several letters to Warden Amell.”</p>
<p>“Really?”  Alistair half stood up and Barkspawn’s ears perked.  “Where is she?”  He was desperate for any word.  “Is she all right?”</p>
<p>The Grey Warden looked at the others and then at Alistair.  “The last we knew she was in Denerim.  We only recently learned that our missives were undeliverable.  That curriers couldn’t find her.  We thought she was with you.  That’s when we sent you a letter.  Then another one.”  His gaze slid significantly to a pile of untouched papers on Alistair’s desk.</p>
<p>Alistair sat back down, his heart dropping with the loss of hope.  “I don’t know where she is.  She disappeared.”</p>
<p>Barkspawn gave a howl.  He still missed his mistress, that much was obvious.</p>
<p>“We want her to take control of our base in Amaranthine,” the Grey Warden set a metal tube in front of the king.  “In there you will find her orders and her promotion to the rank of Commander.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t know where she is,” Alistair protested.</p>
<p>“The Grey Wardens would like to remind you that you <em>are</em> one of us and ask you do this duty for us.  Deliver this to her.  We have a Warden from Orlais travelling to Amaranthine now to take charge until Commander Amell can be reached and reports for duty.  Find her, Your Majesty.  The Grey Wardens are calling on her.”</p>
<p>“You can’t bring an Orlesian in!”  Bann Wulff objected.</p>
<p>“Not after they did nothing to help us during the Blight!”  the Bann of the Waking Sea, Elfstanna, agreed.  “They sat at the border, eating snails and long loafs of bread, while we battled an archdemon!”</p>
<p>“I suggest you find your missing Grey Warden then.”  The messenger turned on his heal and left.</p>
<p>Alistair opened the tube.  In it was indeed orders and a promotion for Selene.  If he knew where she was, he would… <em>What?</em> He asked himself.  <em>What would he do?</em>  She had left him.  She’d chosen to go.  He’d learned that Zevran had gone with her.  She’d left him for Zevran, that’s what Eamon had told him.  Part of Alistair believed him, but part refused to.  He’d broken her heart, Zevran was better for her; that damned sexy elf.  Well, now he needed to find her for other reasons.  He didn’t know where to start, though.  He knew someone who might, though.</p>
<p>“She ran off with that elf,” Eamon grumbled.  “What was his name?”</p>
<p>“Zevran,” Elfstanna supplied.  “All we know is that they left together, there is no reason to think there was more between them.”</p>
<p>“She was a beautiful woman and he a sexy elf,” Wulff pointed out.  “Why wouldn’t she go for more?  I wouldn’t trust him around my daughter.”</p>
<p>“Sage!”  Alistair called out. </p>
<p>“Yes, Your Majesty,” Sage, one of his servants came in.  His head was held high and he nodded at the nobles.  “Does Barkspawn need his walkies?”</p>
<p>Barkspawn looked up, hopefully at that.  He liked the elven servant who took him around the palace district and snuck him sausages.  The servant had once told him that he remembered Barkspawn bravely helping to defend his family’s home in the Alienage during the Battle of Denerim.</p>
<p>“It appears that he wouldn’t object to that,” Alistair noted.  “You can after you send a message for me.  Tell the scribes that I need a letter summoning Leliana to the palace.  She was called to Val Royeaux recently by the Divine.  Have them tell her it’s important and it has to do with Selene Amell.  The name should get her here.”</p>
<p>“The Hero, did you find her?”  Elf perked up.</p>
<p>“No,” Alistair sighed.  “That’s why I need Leliana.  I might also need Wynne.  Have her summoned as well.  I hope she isn’t off in Tevinter.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Bards Bearing Gifts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alistair sends friends to find Selene.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waiting could be a torture worse than being bludgeoned against a wall with a broodmother’s tentacles.  Alistair realized this as he waited for Wynne and Leliana, mostly for Leliana.  He planned to speak with both of them personally and then he would go to Amaranthine and check on this new Warden Commander.  He would get a feel for this Orlesian who was also a fellow Grey Warden.</p>
<p>Wynne had arrived at Denerim Palace within a few days of Alistair sending out his summons.  He had been sitting on the throne, listening to two merchants argue about which one of them had the right to sell bath oils.  One sold imported oils from Orlais, the other bought her oils from a woman in Highever who made them in her own cottage.</p>
<p>“Ferelden has a fair market system,” he declared.  He wasn’t sure what that meant, but his new seneschal gave him a thumbs up.  He’d recently hired Bonnie daughter, of the Cousland’s old steward, whose father had died when Arl Howe had attacked their castle.  She was obviously well educated and had explained the idea to him.  She encouraged him to open the markets to more merchants and to let them compete with each other, making sure the people of Denerim had a choice of which merchant or artisan to use; never letting one get control of any industry.  She also took over many of the preparations for the upcoming balls and promised to have spies look at his potential brides to see which ones might be a good match.  Plus, Barkspawn had seemed to like her and he’d had the final say.  “You are both free to sell your goods in Denerim’s market.  The people will go to the one whose product is best.”</p>
<p>“That would be the oils from Highever,” the royal steward confided to him.</p>
<p>Alistair smiled at her.  He realized it was the first time he’d smiled in weeks.  “I’ll have to send someone to the shops to compare.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be happy to try those products for you, Your Majesty,” Wynne declared as she strolled into the hall.  “Is that why I was summoned?”</p>
<p>“No,” Alistair’s smile disappeared.  “No, it wasn’t.”  He stood.  “Commander Selene Amell has been summoned to lead the Grey Wardens in Amaranthine.”</p>
<p>Wynne’s face brightened.  “You found her.”  The brightness faded and Alistair knew something in his face betrayed his grief and worry. </p>
<p>He swallowed to keep his voice even.  “Let’s discuss this in my office.”  He stood; Wynne followed.           </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alistair sat behind his desk and put his head in his hands for a moment.</p>
<p>“What’s this?”  Wynne took a paper that lay on top of the desk. </p>
<p>“No don’t…”  He knew what it was.  It was a drawing of Selene.  She was laying front first down on their bedroll, her face turned towards him and her hair falling to the side so her back was exposed.  It was only half sketched and her lower back was now blurred from his tears.</p>
<p>“Oh, Alistair,” Wynne gazed at the drawing, her voice was sad.  “It’s not easy to get over someone when you are once again in their presence all the time.  Are you sure you want me to find her?”  She lay the picture down.  “Perhaps you should try to forget her.”</p>
<p>“You once told me you have a son,” Alistair reminded her.  “You haven’t seen him since the Chantry took him from your arms.  Have you forgotten him?”</p>
<p>“Never,” she said before even she was aware the word had formed.</p>
<p>Alistair nodded once.  “What will you tell him about his father?”</p>
<p>“He…”  Wynne hesitated this time.  “He was a Templar at Kinloch hold.”</p>
<p>“So, you have forgotten his name?”  That did surprise him.  Was it possible?  He just could never see himself forgetting Selene’s name, not even if he forgot his own.</p>
<p>“No,” Wynne admitted.  “I… it will be up to his father to give him that information.  He was a Templar; he may not want anyone to know that he had a child with a mage.  I… I have seen him since our son’s birth.  He had been transferred away before I realized I was with child; it is likely one of his superiors realized our relationship.  He came back after I gave birth.”</p>
<p>“Does he know about his son?”  Alistair leaned forward.  He took back the drawing and slipped it under another piece of paper, exposing the edges of another drawing.  This one was just Selene’s head.  Her hair was up and she was concentrating.  His tears had smudged her pert nose and the freckles that were scattered across it.</p>
<p>“He knows,” Wynne was speaking of her child’s father.  “He returned to Kinloch hold… after.  He wasn’t happy when he found out I’d had a child and not told him I was expecting.  He… I made a choice and it had consequences.”</p>
<p>Alistair wonder what would happen if the woman he loved had a child and didn’t tell him she had been pregnant.  It was pure speculation, though.  He loved a fellow Grey Warden and everyone knew they couldn’t have babies together.  It was time to get to work and stop dwelling on the past, anyway.  “I’ve also summoned Leliana.  I have no idea where Selene and Zevran are.  We found witnesses who saw them leave on a ship together.  That’s all I know.  I will send Leliana searching north.  I am going to send you to the west.  I can’t see them hiding out in the Brecilian Forest and there is nothing east of us except a handful of islands.  I already had those checked.”</p>
<p>Wynne nodded.  “I don’t have nearly as many resources as Leliana, but I should manage.  It will be an excuse to go back to travelling.  You might want to consider contacting the Crows.  Let them know that Zevran ran off with someone you’re trying to find.  They might just find them for you.”</p>
<p>Alistair was shocked Wynne would suggest such a thing.  “They think Zevran is dead and I’m not going to tell them differently.  They would kill him Wynne, and possibly those with him for good measure.  They already attacked Selene once, when she wouldn’t hand him over.  I don’t know if they are… together… or not, but I wouldn’t do that to either of them.”</p>
<p>“They had a contract on her,” Wynne nodded.  “What will the Grey Wardens do if you can’t find her?”</p>
<p>“They’ve already sent an Orlesian Warden,” Alistair explained.  “It is not a popular decision among my advisers nor will it be with the people of Amaranthine.  I will meet with Leliana and then check on the Grey Wardens.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leliana arrived in Denerim two weeks after Wynne had.  Alistair was sitting at his desk, listening to Bonnie who was going over the tedious details of running the palace.</p>
<p>“I have had a long talk with the cook,” Bonnie was saying.  “We’ve determined that one of the servant’s has been stealing from the supplies and is especially fond of cheese.  She wants to set a trap for them to figure out who it is.  I suggested she just explain, in detail, why stealing cheese in the Denerim Palace is a very bad idea.”</p>
<p>“What sort of trap?”  Alistair wondered.  Zevran had stolen his Selene, now someone was stealing his cheese.</p>
<p>“It is rather intricate and involves a ball of twine, wax, and…”  She paused as the door opened.</p>
<p>“There’s my favorite king!”  Leliana rushed in.  She skirted around the desk and hugged Alistair.  She was dressed in casual clothes that reminded Alistair of a jacket and doublet.  He saw two prominent daggers.  He wondered why; he knew she was better with a bow.  “Your message said it was important, that it had to do with Selene.”</p>
<p>Bonnie groaned.  “We try not to say that name around here.”</p>
<p>“Which is hard with the Grey Wardens insisting I find her,” Alistair added.</p>
<p>“Why you?”  Leliana motioned to a servant who brought in her bags.</p>
<p>“I’ll see to those,” Bonnie stepped out with the servant.</p>
<p>“Leave that one,” Leliana motioned to a thin, tall wrapped package.  “Why don’t the Wardens look for her themselves?  Why do they expect you to find her?”</p>
<p>“I suspect they tried and failed to find her,” Alistair admitted.  “They may not want to admit that they’ve lost track of one of their Wardens.  Either way, they are installing an Orlesian Commander in Amaranthine until we locate her and give her their orders.  You can imagine how well that’s going to go over with the locals.”</p>
<p>“I was at the Landsmeet,” Leliana reminded him.  “Many backed Loghain’s irrational fears of Orlesians.” </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t say it’s irrational,” Alistair muttered.  “They have their reasons and it will make things harder.  That’s why I’m leaving for Amaranthine at the end of the week.  I will meet this Commander and smooth feathers.  It will be easier to smooth them if I can assure them that a Fereldan Commander is on the way.”</p>
<p>“Alistair, she left on her own,” Leliana pointed out.  “She may not be willing to come.”</p>
<p>“You mean she might be living in blissful domesticity with Zevran,” he groaned.</p>
<p>“Zevran and domestic aren’t two words I would use together.”  A soft smile spread on Leliana’s face.  “Mother Dorothea wants me back as soon as I can manage, but I am worried about Selene, too.  I want to be sure she’s safe, that she’s happy.”</p>
<p>Alistair gulped.  He wanted her to be happy, too.  He needed to know she was all right and why she had left.  “Please, find her for me.”</p>
<p>“I will,” Leliana vowed.  “I… I don’t know if I should give this to you, knowing you don’t even say the name Selene around here; but I missed her.”  She grabbed the package.  “I was doing it for me at first, then I had a dream about you.  You were sitting in this office, drawing a picture of her, and crying.  You cried out to the Maker, asking him to send her back to your somehow.  But then things got dark and a voice boomed out, saying you chose duty and will never see her face again.  It was probably just a dream, because then I saw Eamon laughing maniacally as his wife stirred some large cauldron.  Teagan joined them, going off about how much he hates Grey Wardens; that’s the part that told me it had to be a dream.”</p>
<p>“One would hope so after two Wardens saved his life.  Not to mention saving the rest of Redcliffe more than once.”  Alistair wondered about Leliana’s dreams.  How many times had he found himself crying while in his office, while sitting at the very desk he was now behind?  He had almost been brought to tears that time he’d learned the palace had run out of cheese.  There were still times that he found tears falling as his thoughts strayed to Selene, which was why he steward and servants had declared her name was not to be mentioned.  Heck, he might have shed a tear thinking about all of those women he would have to play nice to as the royal ball approached. </p>
<p>“I’ll leave this with you while I search,” she laid the painting on his desk.  “If you find you don’t want it, I’ll take it back when I return.”</p>
<p>Alistair slowly opened the package to find a painting of Selene.  It wasn’t a portrait and had to be painted from memory.  She wasn’t dressed in a gown, although he’d seen her in one plenty of times, but Grey Warden Mage Armor.  She grasped her staff in both hands and the wind, likely from a storm she’d called up, was whipping around her.  Her hair was in a long braid and it flew in the gusts.  There was a look of fierce determination on her face.  It was a reminder of the hero all of Ferelden had lost.  It was a reminder of what he had lost.  He touched the cheek of the painting and then leaned it against the wall behind him.  He would not be returning it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Settling In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Selene settles into life in Kirkwall and gets a clue to try and find her family.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>The Hanged Man</em> was a shithole.  There was no way to deny that fact.  Selene called it home, though.  She had thought of purchasing a house and leaving the rooms, but for now they suited her purposes and she was still preparing to open her shop.</p>
<p>            Zevran, on the other hand, already had a flourishing business going.  Selene remembered when he’d mused, at camp, about going into business for himself when the Blight was over.  She didn’t ask about his business dealings, but he’d assured her that it was nice to keep the coin for his services.  There was, indeed, plenty of work for him at the docks alone, but he told her he was thinking of branching out to the rest of Kirkwall.  She had no doubt that there were plenty of business opportunities for professional assassins in Hightown, she just didn’t want him attracting the notice of the Crows.  Caesar had promised her that no more Crows would be coming after her, but he wouldn’t even acknowledge Zevran’s existence when he saw him; and that was being nice to him.</p>
<p>            Selene was renting a warehouse in the docks, where she set up a workshop and was storing goods.  She planned to have a shop opened up a shop within the month.  She had a couple of possible locations in mind.  She wanted a location in Hightown, but that was likely to attract unwanted Templar attention.  She could insist that her staffs were just quarter staffs, but she wouldn’t doubt they’d have the Grand Enchanter or Enchantress from the Gallows test one out.  Then she would have to answer some uncomfortable questions; which would lead to her only hope being proving she was actually a Grey Warden.  And she wanted to forget she was a Grey Warden.  Darktown was likely her best bet.  There were so many illegal activities and businesses there, she would blend right in.  The Templars might even be more interested in some of the other businesses.  She would also sell some of her goods out of Lirene already carried some of her stock and it was selling.</p>
<p>            She dressed in soft leather trews and a tunic that hid her baby bump.  Then she braided her hair in the Orlesian style.  She laid a hand on her abdomen.  “Ready to go, Little Demon?”  She was just beginning to feel the baby move.  It was a comfort; she wasn’t going insane; there really was something in there and a reason she hadn’t died when she and <em>him</em> had killed the Archdemon.</p>
<p>            The tavern had plenty of business, despite the early hour.  Her dwarven neighbor already sat at his favorite table, doing paperwork.  She made her way to Corff, the tavernkeeper.  “Any news?”</p>
<p>            “Your friend Lirene wants to talk to you,” he handed her a note.  She didn’t complain that he opened her messages.  He was less intrusive than the Templars and she trusted him more.  He would keep her secrets.  “I think she’s got word about your family.  She’s traced an Amell who came to the city during the Blight.”</p>
<p>            Neither of them noticed the dwarven resident had set down his quill and cocked his head, trying to listen in on their conversation.</p>
<p>            Selene reminded herself not to get her hopes up.  “During the Blight?  Were they in Ferelden for some reason?”  Had one of her family come looking for her?  But they had to know she was imprisoned in a Mage Circle.</p>
<p>            “Most of those who came during the Blight were from Ferelden,” Corff pointed out the obvious.</p>
<p>            “True,” she conceded.  “I’ll find out more from Lirene.  Do you have any Antivan Coffee?”</p>
<p>            “Let’s make a deal, if you bring it in, I’ll get it ready for you in the morning,” Corff shrugged.  “Otherwise I might have a weak tea.”</p>
<p>            “I’ll pick something up while I’m out,” she assured him.  “Have you heard any rumors?”</p>
<p>            “You hear about the Arl of Redcliffe? Some say that Andraste Herself reached down and cured him so he could unite the land.”  Corff shook his head.</p>
<p>            She sighed.  So, Eamon was getting credit for uniting the land.  All he did was make a speech.  “I should stop asking.  Ashes from the Urn of Sacred Ashes were used to cure him and the Hero of Ferelden did it because she needed his army to help fight the Archdemon.”</p>
<p>            “That’s not what I heard,” Corff insisted.  “And I heard the Hero of Ferelden was a man.  Who is your source?”</p>
<p>            “I spent some time in Redcliffe,” she told him.  “I was there when the Hero of Ferelden came through.”  She turned and noticed that she had the dwarf’s attention.  He was studying her with interest.</p>
<p>            “Who is that exactly?”  She asked Corff quietly.  She tilted her chin to the dwarf in question.</p>
<p>            He followed her gaze.  “That’s Master Varric Tethras.  He lives here, too, and keeps trying to buy <em>the Hanged Man</em> from me.  His brother’s planning some big expedition into the Deep Roads if you’re interested.”</p>
<p>            “Not in my condition,” she patted her lower abdomen.  “Besides, I have absolutely no desire to go near the Deep Roads.  I have seen more darkspawn than I ever wanted to.”</p>
<p>            Corff nodded.  “I expect many of your countrymen have also.  Master Tethras is also an author.  He likes telling stories, he watches people.  They give him ideas for his characters.  Watch, one of his stories will soon feature a refugee who has found herself in the family way, while she searches for what relatives she has left.”</p>
<p>            “Won’t that be interesting,” she glanced back at him.  As long as the words ‘hero’, ‘mage’, or ‘Grey Warden’ didn’t show up, she was fine.</p>
<p>            “Oh, those Qunari who landed during that bad storm that hit about a month before you got here are building an even bigger base nearby.  Be careful of them when you go out,” Corff warned.</p>
<p>            “How is it no one has tried to get them to leave?”  Selene remembered Sten’s warning about how the Qunari planned to conquer all of Thedas one day.  “Doesn’t Kirkwall have a Viscount?”</p>
<p>            “He’s playing nice with them,” Corff answered.  “No one wants a city of rampaging Qunari.  I know you don’t with your little one on the way.”</p>
<p>            “No, I don’t,” she agreed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Selene eyed the Qunari barracks as she hurried by.  Nothing good would come of that, but she had other problems.  She hurried on to Fereldan Imports.</p>
<p>            Lirene greeted her with a smile.  “There you are!”</p>
<p>            “How are things going?”  Selene inquired.</p>
<p>            “We’re getting more locals coming in to shop,” Lirene confided.  “They like your goods.  We’ve sold out of the armbands you made.  And only have two of your walking sticks left.  I have rebranded them as walking sticks,” she confided.  “Even ‘quarterstaff’ might get some Templars in here and we don’t want them asking questions.”</p>
<p>            “If I’m going to cause problems with the Templars, I can stay away,” Selene offered, even though she’d come to greatly enjoy the time she spent there.  She liked helping her people without fancy titles and without them looking at her with fear.  These weren’t the Bannorn who would back her in battle and then reject her as a leader because she was a mage.</p>
<p>            “No, you can’t,” Lirene disagreed.  “I need your help too much.  Besides, you aren’t the only one trying to avoid the Templars for one reason or another.  Things have gotten worse in this city since Knight-Commander Meredith took over the Gallows.  She’s very… militaristic minded and Viscount Dumar won’t stand up to her.  Grand Cleric Elthina, in fact, supports her.”</p>
<p>            “Of course, she does,” Selene muttered.  A Chantry Head backing a knight-commander was no surprise.  She would have expected to see more Chantry representatives around Low-Town, helping the poor and downtrodden, but hadn’t seen a one.  She arranged one of the displays and then grabbed a broom to begin sweeping.  “Have you convinced the Guard Captain to hire another Fereldan woman yet?”</p>
<p>            “Not yet,” Lirene admitted.  “I just haven’t seen any possibilities coming through.  Isn’t Ferelden supposed to be full of people who know what end of a sword to hold?”</p>
<p>            “It is,” Selene confirmed.  “I have a feeling we have mostly farmers and widows and orphans.  Those who knew what they were doing stayed home to give others a chance to flee or guarded the other refugees.  They would have been among the first to fall.  There were so many refugees during the Blight.”  She’d seen so many on the road while travelling and found caravans that had run into darkspawn.  She still had nightmares occasionally about them.  They were mixed into all of the other nightmares. </p>
<p>            “The mine, the Bone Pit, is the biggest employer of Fereldan immigrants,” Lirene confided.  “There are some disturbing rumors about the history of that place and I’m not sure it’s safe.  However, too many people won’t hire Fereldan around here and there is no farmland.  Food is imported.”</p>
<p>            “What can we do about that?”  Selene took a broom and began sweeping out Lirene’s shop.</p>
<p>            “We need more of our own opening shops and businesses, who will hire their former countrymen.  Perhaps we can get those still in Ferelden to help,” Lirene suggested.  “I don’t suppose you know any nobles who want to open up businesses here?”</p>
<p>            Selene did know a handful of nobles, but she wasn’t willing to talk to them.  Those were the very people who would not accept her as <em>his</em> consort and then started throwing their daughters at the new king, determined that they be the new queen.  For a moment, she wondered who <em>he</em> had ended up picking or if he’d let Eamon choose for him.  It was likely a matter of the latter.  “No, I’m afraid I spent most of my life in Kinloch Hold.  I doubt they are allowing mages to open businesses up here.”</p>
<p>            “Perhaps you can find your new family connections.”  Lirene grinned at her as she rushed behind the counter and retrieved a slip of paper.  “I traced a family of refugees who came to Kirkwall during the Blight.  They got into the city with the help of a relative.  It was a pair of siblings and their mother, from Lothering.  Their name was Eagle.  No, that’s not right.”  She stopped and looked down at the paper.  “Hawke, it was Hawke.  The sibling’s uncle got them in.”  She paused for dramatic affect.  “His name is Gamlen <em>Amell</em>.  He’s their mother’s brother.  He spends most of his time at <em>the Blooming Rose</em>.”</p>
<p>            “The Blooming Rose?”  Selene had never heard of it.  “It is a tavern?”</p>
<p>            “It’s…”  Lirene stopped and coughed.  “It’s a brothel.”</p>
<p>            “Great,” Selene put a hand on her abdomen.  “Not the type of man I want around Little Demon, then.”</p>
<p>            “They also sell drinks, so maybe he’s just a lush.  His sister and the siblings are living with him,” Lirene handed her the paper.  “She would be an Amell by birth.  You might want to check them out.”</p>
<p>            Selene took the paper.  It was the first lead she’d gotten.  She might as well look into it.  “Thank you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Sumersend Sacrifice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Being an evil cultist isn't easy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            Secret ceremonies in which malevolent men and women cloaked in hooded robes, hiding behind painted faces and chanting demonic incantations while inflicting sadistic wounds on innocent children lying on makeshift altars and inverted stakes with fake flames, like those that killed Andraste, sounded like fun; but these things took plenty of planning and so many things could go wrong.  Not that Killsin would ever use a makeshift altar.  No, the previous members of the order had carved one out of marble and it had stood for hundreds of years.  Things has still gone wrong.</p>
<p>            He entered the sacred valley used for the order’s Summersend celebration and listened to a choir sing praises to the Old Gods.  He had found a teenage girl in a nearby village who was perfect for the ceremony.  She had been in a Chantry orphanage.  He gave the Reverend Mother who was running it plenty of coin for her.  He had told her that he needed a housemaid for his poor, ill mother.  The Reverend Mother didn’t ask many questions and seemed somewhat relieved to see her go.  She was already on the altar.  Chains went from either side of the altar and held her hands stretched over her head and kept her legs together.</p>
<p>            He and the other priests were clad in black robes.  As he approached the altar, he wondered if they shouldn’t trade them out for a different color, and lighter material, for the summer.  The robes got hot.  He held an athame and approached the altar.</p>
<p>            The girl, Kitiara, struggled as he stood over her.  He began his speech, praising the Old Gods and their strength and love.  The speech went over the purity of their sacrifice and the gifts that they could expect as a result.  He ended it with ‘All praise!’.</p>
<p>“All praise!”  The people repeated.</p>
<p>That was when Kitiara began to laugh.  It caused him to stop.  He had never had a sacrifice laugh before.  He might need to switch to infants and toddlers.  Infants were dignified enough to cry.  The teenagers, he had just learned, laughed.  He lifted the ceremonial dagger, ready to end her, especially since those gathered were looking nervous and not just because Renewed’s turnip salad was sitting out in the sun.</p>
<p>Then the athame began to move in his hand, as if it were trying to escape.  He clutched it tighter.  He noticed Kitiara’s eyes on it before she spoke.  “You think I’m a virgin?  Why do you think Reverend Mother Sheila was so eager to get rid of me?  I seduced one of the Templars.”</p>
<p>Killsin’s eyes widened.  Was it true?  He hadn’t had her virginity confirmed.  He learned there were ways to fool the examiners.  Patience Hopkins had proved that when it came out that she’d been having a long-time affair with Fidel when she was wed to Assurance.  “You lie!”  He made sure his voice rang out across the gathered crowds.  He hoped it went to the Gods ears.  He didn’t have time to find a new sacrifice.  If he didn’t sacrifice Kitiara, he would have to get a volunteer from the crowd and finding a voluntary sacrificial human was harder than it sounded.</p>
<p>“How else do you think I hid <em>this</em> from them!”  The sacrifice moved her hands and pointed her fingers down.  The robes became a benefit as the air around the altar became cold.  The chains froze and shattered.  Kitiara sat up and continued blasting cold air at her feet.  When her feet were free, she stood on the altar.  She looked around at the group as if judging her chances against them.  Then she jumped and ran, knocking over the table holding the refreshments.</p>
<p>“My custards!” Continent cried.</p>
<p>“The sacrifice is escaping!” Abstinence objected.</p>
<p>“She wasn’t even a virgin,” Creedence reminded him.</p>
<p>Killsin sighed.  The day was not going as planned.  He scanned his followers.  “Would anyone care to volunteer?”  For some reason, no one did.  He sighed.  “We shall draw lots.”</p>
<p>As Forsaken went to get sticks, he turned to Humility.  “Have we found the one who carries Urthemiel yet?”</p>
<p>“No,” Forsaken admitted.  “But it appears that we may have a way to infiltrate one of our Ferelden targets.  We’ll be moving Lydia Rogers in.”</p>
<p>“That’s good,” Killsin nodded.  Perhaps the entire day was not a tragedy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Fereldan Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Hero of Ferelden was a coward.  That is what Selene admitted to herself.  She’d had the name of another Amell in Kirkwall for a month and she had yet to go visit them.  She’d made the excuse that she needed to get her shop going and income coming in.  Then it was that she was getting settled into working in Darktown.  There was so much shady business going on in there, that whether or not some of her wares included mage staffs was not a Templar’s immediate concern.</p>
<p>            The other denizens had been a bit wary of her at first, then Tomwise, a purveyor of poisons, had noticed her profile while she’d been setting up her shop and come to talk to her.  He’d explained that Darktown was not the best place for a baby.  However, her condition had caused the other shopkeepers to become protective, no matter how many times she’d assured them that she could take care of herself.</p>
<p>            When a smugglers group had come to harass her, for cutting into their market with the metal works she carried, she’d used one of the swords on them.  As it began to turn into a battle, she’d resorted to her magic, killing most of the group in a storm she’d summoned.  After that, no one tried to interfere with her business again.  The survivors of the smuggler’s group had also received scorn, derision, and anger from their comrades in the underworld for attacking a pregnant woman.</p>
<p>            Now, she sat at her booth, discussing an arm cuff with the top lieutenant of a mercenary group, who was interested in it.  “It’s nice to have such items available down here,” the lieutenant commented.  “Although, you could probably get more for your wares in Hightown.”</p>
<p>            “I have no interest in working in Hightown,” Selene assured her.</p>
<p>            The woman eyed her for a moment.  “Is that because there are too many Templars?”</p>
<p>            “I don’t know what you mean?”  She smiled sweetly.  “I admit I’m not big on the Chantry or their army, but why would I avoid them?”</p>
<p>            “Besides some of your wares?” The lieutenant inclined her head towards the staves.</p>
<p>            “Those are just walking sticks and quarter staffs,” Selene assured her.  “Sometimes, one needs a staff to lean on.  Oh, some are also bows.”</p>
<p>            “That one has a crystal on top,” the lieutenant motioned to a staff Selene had thought she hid in the shadows.”</p>
<p>            “It’s an old aiming trick I learned when I visited a Dalish clan, old elven trick that many don’t understand,” Selene assured her.</p>
<p>            “My group used to have a mage among them,” the lieutenant kept her voice casual, as she dug in her bag for payment for the armband.  “She was rather handy to have around.  We had to take on her brother as well, but he wasn’t that bad with a sword.”</p>
<p>            “Interesting,” Selene happily took the payment.</p>
<p>            “She only stayed with us a year and left months ago,” the customer sighed.  “It would be nice to have another mage on the team.  Raven Hawke left after her one-year contract was up.”</p>
<p>            “If I meet a mage, I’ll let them know,” Selene’s voice was easy and non-committal.  Then the name caught her attention.  “Raven Hawke?  Does she have an uncle named Gamlen Amell?”</p>
<p>            “She does,” the customer confirmed.  “He is the one who arranged her position in our group.  He… owed us.”</p>
<p>            “So, she payed?”  Selene didn’t like what she’d heard of this guy, but was interested in learning that his niece was a mage.</p>
<p>            “Just remember my offer.”  The lieutenant put on the arm band and left. </p>
<p>            Selene vowed she would stop by this Gamlen Amell’s home after she packed up her shop for the night.  Someone should be home at that hour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            She had faced and killed an arch-demon; Selene reminded herself as she stared at the dilapidated home in the Lowtown district.  Hell, she’d faced a brood mother and nothing could be scarier than that thing had been; multiple sets of breasts and tentacles stayed with you.  She slowly walked to the door and knocked.</p>
<p>            A dark-haired man with very blue eyes answered.  He was much too young to be Gamlen.  He smiled when he saw her.  “Well, hello, my lady.  What can I do to help you?”</p>
<p>            She supposed this must be the nephew, Raven Hawke’s brother.  She tried to recall his name.  Was it Carter, Charter, Martyr?  “I need to talk to Gamlen Amell,” she told him.</p>
<p>            “Uncle Gamlen?”  He frowned.  “What would someone like you want with him?  You aren’t from the Blooming Rose, are you?”</p>
<p>            “Carver,” a soft voice snarked from behind him.  “No woman who works at the Blooming Rose would just tell you they worked there.”</p>
<p>            “Oh, they would, Raven,” Carver assured the woman behind him.  “They would just likely be wearing less clothes.”</p>
<p>            She suddenly didn’t want Carver looking at her clothes.  “I don’t work at the Blooming Rose.  May I come in?”</p>
<p>            “Oh,” he jumped back.  “Of course.”  He studied her as she moved past him.  “I guess the babe’s father wouldn’t like it if you worked there.”</p>
<p>            She placed a hand on her abdomen, her profile was beginning to give her and Little Demon away.  “The babe’s father has no say in anything I do.”</p>
<p>            “Oh, so you are a…”  Carver stopped when his sister kicked the back of his leg, hard.</p>
<p>            “My brother’s foot likes to live in his mouth,” the woman she took to be Raven Hawke glared at Carver.  Raven’s hair undoubtedly had an influence on her name, as it was a similar color to the wings of that creature.  Her eyes were as piercing blue as Selene’s own.  And she had a swipe of blood on her face, Selene wondered if she was aware that she hadn’t gotten all of the blood from her day off.  She knew she personally didn’t like it when she got a lot of blood on her.</p>
<p>            “I have a shop in Darktown,” she divulged.  “I came looking for Gamlen, after a friend gave me his name.  He has nothing to do with my condition and I don’t talk about my babe’s father.”</p>
<p>            “You’re not seeking advice for your shop from him, I hope,” Raven commented.</p>
<p>            “No,” Selene assured them.  “I…  I have some questions for him.”</p>
<p>            “Oh, is he the father!”  Carver sounded a bit too thrilled at the idea.</p>
<p>            “No,” her tone was firm and definite.  “I haven’t actually met him before.  The questions are about…”</p>
<p>            She was cut off when the front door banged open.  “Where’s my dinner?”  A grey-haired man stumbled in, looking like he’d spent his entire life at the bottom of a bottle.</p>
<p>            “I told you that you would need to pick something up, Gamlen,” an older woman followed him.  She was tall and looked as if she’d avoided the sun most of her life.  It didn’t take Selene to figure out that this was Raven’s mother.  “The kids are busy working and I haven’t had time to start anything.”</p>
<p>            “If you’re all staying under my roof, the least you could do is cook my food,” Gamlen grumbled.</p>
<p>            “It’s my food, uncle Gamlen,” Raven corrected, her voice both stern and condescending.  “I’m the one who gave mother the money to buy it.”</p>
<p>            “And who are you?”  Gamlen demanded of Selene.  “I don’t have room for more refugees.  Carver, are you trying to bring your strumpets home now?”  He studied her a moment.  “Oh, I see now, you knocked this one up.  Well, I’m not providing for her and the brat.”</p>
<p>            This was her family?  Selene hoped not.  “I just met Carter today.”</p>
<p>            “Carver,” the man in question corrected her.</p>
<p>            Gamlen burped and then slapped Carver on the back.  “You work fast, my boy.  Good job.”</p>
<p>            “I think I’m related to you,” she added.</p>
<p>            “Oh, Carver, we don’t knock up relatives,” Gamlen groaned.  “Who is she anyway?”</p>
<p>            “I… didn’t get her name,” Carver admitted.  He flushed.</p>
<p>            “It’s Amell,” Selene informed him.  “Selene Amell.”</p>
<p>            “Not another relative,” Gamlen moaned.  “Look, I’m already putting up with Leandra and her brats.  I don’t have room for you and your brat.  Your accent is Fereldan.  I suppose you’re another refugee.”</p>
<p>            “You can’t throw her out,” Leandra protested.  “She’s in delicate condition.  We have to provide for her and her baby.”</p>
<p>            “I’m already providing for you and your babies!”  Gamlen exclaimed.</p>
<p>            “I’m doing most of the providing,” Raven interjected.</p>
<p>            “But…”  Leandra protested.</p>
<p>            “I’m not here for a handout,” Selene objected.  Did she look delicate and helpless?  “I have a room at the Hanged Man and am happy enough there.”</p>
<p>            “You can’t have a baby there!”  Leandra objected.  “That place is filthy!”</p>
<p>            “We’re fine,” Selene insisted.  She calmed her temper.  Was the woman suggesting she couldn’t take care of her own child?  Besides, a look around the hovel she was currently in showed that while an attempt at cleanliness had been made, the grime was still in control.    “Although, I may occasionally need a babysitter after the baby comes.  I can take care of myself.  I made it through a Blight, after all.”</p>
<p>            She saw Leandra blanch, but Carver looked impressed.  “You stayed in Ferelden through the Blight?”</p>
<p>            “I did,” she confirmed.</p>
<p>            “I guess you’re pretty good in a fight, then,” Raven eyed her speculatively.</p>
<p>            “I can hold my own.”  Selene wasn’t going to tell them that she was a Grey Warden.  That was something she didn’t want to get out. </p>
<p>            “Except that you’re in delicate condition right now,” Leandra reminded her.  “You can’t fight while gravid.”</p>
<p>            “That doesn’t mean you can’t help me with a little mission I need to take care of,” Raven countered.  “Have you ever had dealings with the Dalish?”</p>
<p>            “I have,” Selene confirmed.  “It was a group in the Brecelian Forest.”  She didn’t add the part about the werewolves.</p>
<p>            “Aren’t those forests haunted?”  Carver’s eyes widened with admiration.</p>
<p>            “They aren’t a picnic, that I can assure you.”  Selene hadn’t seen any ghosts, but it had plenty of spirits.</p>
<p>            “So, what did cause you to darken my doorstep,” Gamlen steered the conversation back. </p>
<p>            “I’m looking or my family,” Selene admitted.  “I was… taken… from them when I was a child.  I remember we lived in Kirkwall.  Even if I was…”  She stopped.  There was no way to hid that she was a mage if she kept going.  She knew what the mercenary lieutenant had said about Raven, but she couldn’t be sure it was true and that she could be trusted.</p>
<p>            “They sent you to a different mage circle?”  Raven held her hand and a blue flame danced on her palm.  “It seems magic runs in the family.  I thought I’d just gotten it from my father.”</p>
<p>            “No.”  It was Gamlen who spoke up.  “Leandra, you might have run off with a mage, but that was only the beginning of the family’s bad luck.  Five years after you eloped with Malcom Hawke and moved to Lothering, Aunt Bethann passed away from her second bout of cholera.  Then Uncle Aristotle died of the same disease.  Then Cousin Revka and Damien both met with disaster.  Damien was accused of smuggling and his, and Revka’s, father, Fausten, spent most of the family fortune trying to exonerate him.  Our parents managed to hold on to their portion of the fortune, but Fausten became mixed up with the Counsel of Five.  Damien was imprisoned and Fausten waisted away and died.  While he was in the process of wasting away, Revka’s oldest was discovered to be a mage.  The Templars came and took her away.” </p>
<p>            “Sweet Maker,” Leandra looked around and then sat on a nearby stool. </p>
<p>“It’s your fault for running off with Hawke, you started this,” Gamlen accused.</p>
<p>“Don’t ever say that she was wrong to fight to be with the man she loved,” Selene’s voice quivered as she took a step towards Leandra as if to protect the noble who had been willing to give everything up to be with her mage.  “What happened to Revka?”</p>
<p>“You mean, what happened to your mother?”  Gamlen crossed his arms.  “You are her mage child, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>“It sounds like it,” Selene confirmed.  “I grew up in Kinloch Hold, on Lake Calenhad.”</p>
<p>He shrugged.  “She disappeared.  No one is sure what happened to her.  After that, her husband took their children and moved.  He wanted to escape the Amell Curse.  You might want to return to Ferelden to do the same.”</p>
<p>“I left Ferelden for a reason.”  It was all she was going to tell them.</p>
<p>“Does that reason have to do with the father?”  Raven pried.</p>
<p>“It does,” Selene confirmed.  “But it isn’t the only reason, far from it.  Let’s just say I don’t want to be found.  Well, I do by my family, but not other people.”  She blew out a long breath.  “I have a reason for leaving.”</p>
<p>“Kirkwall isn’t the safest place for mages,” Gamlen warned.</p>
<p>“Yet, you told half the city that I was one when we arrived,” Raven revealed.  She turned to Selene.  “How are you at Wicked Grace?”</p>
<p>“I’m pretty good,” Selene admitted.  “It’s amazing what skills you pick up while being imprisoned in…”  She stopped when the door opened again.</p>
<p>“Waffles!”  It was Varric.  “I’ve confirmed that a shady character who is staying in the Hanged Man is looking for you.”</p>
<p>“Would that be me?”  Selene recognized her dwarven neighbor.  “My rooms are near yours and you think I’m shady?”</p>
<p>“Everyone who stays at the Hanged Man is shady,” Varric confirmed.</p>
<p>“She’s my cousin,” Raven revealed.</p>
<p>Varric eyed her.  “What about the shifty elf?”</p>
<p>“He’s shady,” Selene assured him.  “He has a really shady past and his work isn’t exactly legal.”</p>
<p>“Neither was Waffles’ last job,” Varric confided.</p>
<p>“I, however, am now running a shop in Darktown and am innocently looking for my family,” Selene explained.  “I left Ferelden for my own reasons, but they weren’t exactly shady.”</p>
<p>“Exactly?”  Varric grinned at her.  “Is there a story here?”</p>
<p>Selene closed her eyes.  “It’s one full of heartaches and betrayals.  I doubt your friends would want to read it.”</p>
<p>“You’d be surprised,” Varric assured her.  “Heartbreak and betrayals sell.  Varric Tethras, Master Author and member of the Merchant’s Guild.  I hang out with Hawke.  Perhaps you should come on some of our little adventures with us.  They might help you fund and stock your little shop.”</p>
<p>“She’s in delicate condition, Varric!”  Leandra reprimanded.  “You both stay at that horrid, dirty tavern.  I would think you would have noticed.”</p>
<p>“Delicate?”  Varric eyed Selene.  “You look healthy to me.”</p>
<p>“I am, for the most part.”  Selene thought the taint might make her less than healthy.  Although, she wasn’t sure the full extent of what Avernus’ potion had done to her.  Little Demon seemed to be thriving, but she had yet to find a midwife and she wasn’t going to go see a healer in the Gallows.</p>
<p>“What do you know of the Deep Roads,” Varric pressed.</p>
<p>Selene couldn’t contain the groan that slipped out.  Her memories of that place weren’t pleasant.  Not all of them were unpleasant.  For some reason, <em>he</em> had found them to be quite… stimulating… at night.  There had been several times he’d led her away from their companions for a bit of a tryst.  “I’ve been in them before, but they are far from my favorite place.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been in the Deep Roads!”  Varric seemed excited.  “We have to take her with us, Hawke.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know if she’ll have given birth by then, Varric,” Raven lifted an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Birth?”  Now Varric took a good look at Selene.  “Oh.  The Deep Roads would be a terrible place to go into labor.”</p>
<p>“The Deep Roads are just a terrible place,” Selene informed him.</p>
<p>“Still, it would be fun to have you around on some of my adventures,” Raven admitted.  “And you said you had dealt with the Dalish before.  Why don’t you come see the local clan with me?  I’m sure it won’t be too dangerous.  It will be a pleasant walk in the mountains.  Carver can watch your shop and you can meet my friends.”</p>
<p>Selene didn’t want Carver near her shop.  She didn’t trust him enough, yet, to allow him to see some of her products; even if his sister was an apostate.  She did miss her adventures from the Blight, though.  “I’ll just not open while we’re gone, but I think I’d like to visit the elves and hike the mountains.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Raven smiled at her.</p>
<p>“But you aren’t moving in here,” Gamlen spoke up.</p>
<p>Selene made a concentrated effort not to roll her eyeballs.  “I’m fine at the Hanged Man, the worst I would do is ask Leandra to babysit.”  She wasn’t asking Gamlen to, that was for sure.  “I should get going.”</p>
<p>“Do stay for dinner,” Leandra insisted.</p>
<p>“No, that’s all right, I’ll get something at…”  Selene stopped as she heard a bark.  A mabari came bounding from the backrooms.  She felt a sudden longing for her Barkspawn.  “Oh, who are you, you a beautiful girl?”</p>
<p>“Fereldans,” Gamlen grumbled.</p>
<p>“This is Apawstate,” Raven introduced them.</p>
<p>“Hello, Apawstate,” Selene crouched down to rub the dog’s head.  “It’s good to meet you.”</p>
<p>“I thought all Fereldans had their own mabari,” Gamlen admitted.  “Don’t they issue them at birth?”</p>
<p>“I wish,” Selene confessed.  “Mabari tend to pick their own people, though, not the other way around.  I was lucky enough to have one for a while, but… I left him in Denerim with… someone else.”</p>
<p>“Oh?”  Varric was interested.  “And what is this someone else’s name?”</p>
<p>“He was being bred with another mabari, named Veronica.”  She wasn’t going to say <em>his</em> name, especially since it was too much of a clue as to who she exactly was.  She turned her attention back to the mabari.  “Are you going to visit the elves with us Apawstate?  The elves in the Brecilian forest didn’t like Barkspawn, but we didn’t care what they thought; because mabari are the best.  Aren’t you, girl?”</p>
<p>Apawstate barked happily and nudged her hand to get her to keep petting her.</p>
<p>“I guess I could stay for dinner,” Selene decided.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Mabari Moving On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things with Veronica were never right after the Morning of Loss.  Barkspawn couldn’t look at her without thinking that he should have been curled up on the bed of his Herb Smelling Mage, instead of with her.</p>
<p>            He had been unable to touch her when the Kennel Masters had tried to get them to breed.  Instead, he’d thought of his mage and cried for her, howling his pain into the night.  They’d thought, at first, that Veronica must have hurt him.  But she couldn’t hurt him like his losses had.  They instead introduced him to Lady Fuzzybottom.  She was sweet and had come to him with comfort and timidity.  He had done his duty by her and they were expecting puppies in a matter of months.  He would be a father.</p>
<p>            Yet he didn’t spend time with the mother of his pups, Lady Fuzzybottom was fine with that.  She liked to sleep in a pile with her own siblings.  He slept with the smelly king.  He spent a lot of time with the king.  He stayed in the king’s office more, now that there was painting of his mage hung there.  He wondered where she was now and if she had found another mabari to keep her warm on cold nights.  Would the other mabari wouldn’t know to guard her from the nightmares, though or to put their head on her stomach when she dreamed that Templars were chasing her?</p>
<p>            Now, he put his head on the smelly king’s stomach when he dreamed of darkspawn and on his chest when he dreamed of their mage.  The king was worried about an upcoming ball.  The nobles were trying to find him a bitch to mate with.  He still didn’t understand why the smelly king hadn’t just mated with the Herb Smelling Mage.  She had the best pedigree, no matter what the Old Musty One claimed.</p>
<p>            The potential mates who were gathering for some mating dance had already began to gather.  There were women with all sorts of looks and smells.  Some stuck their noses up at him, but others gave him scratches and two even gave him belly rubs.  One of the two smelled like death.  The other one, though, smelled of jasmines and cloves.  She had arrived with her guards and something reminded him of his mage, she sometimes had an indescribable smell about her that his mage did after the Landsmeet.  It was salty, but not salt.  It was salt and sorrow.  Someone was making her sad.  While the others vied for his Smelly Cheese King’s attention, she didn’t.  Instead she explored Denerim and gave Barkspawn tummy rubs. </p>
<p>            The Jasmine and Clove noble was most often in the company of one of her guards when she left.  The guard smelled of leather and freesia.</p>
<p>            Then another came.  She had hair like the sun and eyes like grass on a dewy morning.  She smelled of old blood and poisons.  He thought she might be there to hurt the Smelly Cheese King, instead of mating with him.  He couldn’t let that happen, he had responsibilities.  He would protect the king.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Alistair kept Barkspawn close as the guests for the ball began to arrive early.  The ball itself was still months away.  His steward was already planning games and entertainments for the ladies.  She promised he would only have to attend a few of them.  Still, the ladies kept harassing him.  He decided to let Barkspawn judge the women for him.</p>
<p>            The mabari had already rejected the daughter of a bann, two Orlesian countesses, and Navarran princess.  There were a couple he seemed disinterested in.  There were a handful that seemed to like.  He seemed unusually interested in Lydia, a minor noble from the Free Marches.  He let Gwendolyn, another Free Marcher lady, give him tummy scratches.</p>
<p>            Gwendolyn met with Eamon’s approval and that of Fergus Cousland, the most powerful of his own nobles.  He even threatened to send his younger brother down to Denerim to the ball to find a bride and told Alistair he wouldn’t mind if his brother scooped her up.  The lady was lovely and kind, but there was something sad about her.  Morosely, he found himself drawn to that sorrow.  It was as if his own aching heart sensed a kindred soul, one it might seek comfort with.</p>
<p>            Still, he wished he was away from all of the women.  Perhaps he should find an excuse to return to Amaranthine.  He’d met up with some overly self-important Templars on his way there.  They were hunting a mage.  For a moment, he’d been afraid they had been hunting <em>his</em> mage.  No, it was a blonde man who was more cheerful than his mage had ever been. </p>
<p>            There’d been trouble at Amaranthine.  Darkspawn had killed the other Templars, but the mage had destroyed them all.  He and Oghren, of all people, had held the darkspawn off until the new Warden Commander had arrived.  The new Warden Commander seemed nice enough and, at Alistair’s less then veiled hints, had conscripted the mage to the Grey Wardens to save him from the Templars.  He thought his mage would appreciate that.</p>
<p>            He now received reports that the Warden Commander was dealing with some Arch-Darkspawn and a Brood Mother that made the others seem tame.  He would much rather be helping them than avoiding title seeking women while trying to keep an eye out for the future Queen of Ferelden.</p>
<p>            “Do you ever yearn for the old days, Barkspawn?”  He scratched the dog’s head.</p>
<p>            Barkspawn let out an agreeing grumble.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Prying Comrades</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Selene was taking a day off from the shop.  She’d already asked the other shopkeepers to let any potential customers know that she would be back the next day.  They knew not to talk to any Templars or guards.  There were reasons they were in Darktown, after all.</p>
<p>            She’d invited Zevran to come with her as she visited the Dalish with Raven, but he insisted he was too busy.  He wouldn’t be surprised if soon offers for jobs for assassins were soon posted to the Chantry Board.  Kirkwall had all sorts of problems.  Her friend was still in the Hanged Man when she emerged from her rooms.  He was leaning against the bar and chatting up a familiar woman.  She knew that woman.  She almost went up to them and said something, but then thought better of it.  Isabela might let it out, among her other sailors, that the Hero of Ferelden was in Kirkwall. </p>
<p>            “Are you ready to go Lady Amell?” Varric stepped up to her.  He followed her gaze.  “Is your friend interested in sailors now?”</p>
<p>            “If it breathes and doesn’t say no, he’s interested,” she confided.</p>
<p>            “I’ll be careful around him,” Varric gave Zevran a long look.</p>
<p>            “He knows no means no,” she assured him.  “The poor thing traveled with four women, three other men, and a dog during… when we were travelling once and the drunken dwarf was the only one, he had a chance of getting to say yes, but he was never sober enough to truly give consent.  Underneath it all, Zevran’s a good man.”</p>
<p>            “How did you meet him?”  Varric pried.</p>
<p>            Selene smiled at him.  Varric was always prying and part of her hoped he never stopped.  There was so much she wanted to talk about, so many stories; but she still didn’t know if she could trust him.  “Maybe I’ll tell you some day.”</p>
<p>            “There’s my favorite metal worker,” Corff greeted her as she passed by.  “I don’t suppose you could make pewter cups with the Hanged Man’s logo on it?”</p>
<p>            She considered it for a few moments.  “I could probably do it.”  She would make the mold, with the logo and the cast the pewter.  “We would have to discuss my fee before I make the first half dozen.  If you like them, we could see about making as many as you like.”</p>
<p>            “I think I should approve the logo,” Varric decided.  “So, I’m sure it’s something I’d want to keep when Corff sells me the Hanged Man.”</p>
<p>            “I am <em>not</em> selling you the Hanged Man!” Corff growled.  “And stop asking.”</p>
<p>            “Do I have any messages?”  Selene tried to change the subject.</p>
<p>            “Only that Lirene still hasn’t found you a midwife yet,” Corff told her.  “You’d think there were some among the Fereldan refugees.”</p>
<p>            “The last one turned to a life of crime,” Selene confided.  “When she realized it was more profitable, she decided to do it full time.  Any rumors?”</p>
<p>            “"People say Meredith's the real power in Kirkwall, not the Viscount. Even Dumar answers to her,” Corff told her.</p>
<p>            “All the more reason to avoid the Gallows,” Selene sighed.  How had she ended up in a Templar town?  She would consider leaving, but she had a business there and the closest family she could find.</p>
<p>            “Let’s go find Hawke,” Varric led her away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            “You seem keen on avoiding the Gallows,” Varric observed as they walked to Lowtown.  “Would it have anything to do with why you felt that Darktown was a better place to set up shop than Hightown or the Docks?”</p>
<p>            “Not everything I sell is legal Varric,” Selene admitted.  “I would think you of all people would appreciate how careful an artisan has to be.”</p>
<p>            “Now I have to stop by your shop, perhaps your workshop as well,” Varric mused.</p>
<p>            “I have a dagger that you would love,” she promised him.  “Bring Raven, as well, I might have an item or two that she might find of interest.  It might save her a trip to the Gallows and some uncomfortable questions.  I didn’t want to mention them in front of Carver, though.  He strikes the type who might slip the nature of some of my wares to Templars or guards.”</p>
<p>            “You can count on me,” he promised. </p>
<p>            They stopped at Gamlen’s house.  Selene looked it over for a moment.  “Do you think you could find out where my parents lived before my mother disappeared?  You seem to have contacts that I don’t.”</p>
<p>            “I think I could find that out.”  Varric knocked.</p>
<p>            The door opened and Raven stood in the doorway.  She wore a black embroidered leather bodice and black leather pants.  She didn’t look like she was expecting trouble, but she was ready if it came her way.  “You’re here!”  She grinned at them.  “We’ll go by the Viscount’s Keep and pick up Aveline.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Aveline!”  Raven greeted her friend with a bright smile. </p>
<p>“Hawke,” Aveline’s face reflected a mix of affection and exasperation.  “Let’s get this over with.  I owe this debt, too.” </p>
<p>“Ah, Aveline, I thought you enjoyed spending time with me,” Raven teased. </p>
<p>“I do,” Aveline gave her a warmer smile.  “No matter how much you irritate me.” </p>
<p>“What debt?”  Selene knew Hawke hadn’t said anything about a debt.  </p>
<p>“I don’t believe we know each other, even though you do look familiar,” Aveline studied Selene.  “How long have you been in Kirkwall?”</p>
<p>“I just arrived a few months ago,” Selene saw no reason to lie.  She didn’t want anyone tracing her whereabouts, but plenty of Fereldans continued to come to Kirkwall.</p>
<p>“After the Blight?”  That surprised Aveline.  “The Blight…”  Aveline’s eyes narrowed.  “You were also in Ferelden…  Were you at Ostagar?”</p>
<p>Andraste’s Ample Ass.  Did she lie or tell the truth?  Survivors of Ostagar were rare.  “<em>You</em> were at Ostagar and survived?  You weren’t with the traitor, Loghain, were you?  I hear he abandoned the field and left King Cailan to die.  Then he tried to frame the Grey Wardens for his misdeeds.”</p>
<p>“You heard, but didn’t see?”  Aveline studied her a moment.</p>
<p>She had been lighting the beacon in the Tower of Ishal, so she hadn’t seen.  Flemeth had told her of the events later, after she’d recovered from her wounds.  “That’s correct.  So, who is this debt to?”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Aveline assured her.</p>
<p>“It’s to Asha ‘Bellanar,” Raven told her.  She began leading the way out of the Viscount’s Keep.  “She saved us outside of Lothering.  She appeared as a dragon, killed the darkspawn closing in on us, and then gave us a medallion to take to the Dalish.”  She continued to lead us out of the city.  “Then she got us out of Ferelden.”</p>
<p>“How kind of her,” Selene murmured.  A woman who could turn into a dragon sounded too familiar to Selene.  She told herself it couldn’t be Flemeth, but Lothering was the closest city to Flemeth’s hut.  What if it was Flemeth?  Selene now carried the child Morrigan had wanted. </p>
<p>“Hawke kept trying to get her to teach her how to turn into a dragon,” Aveline recalled.  “She wouldn’t.”   </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Releasing the Horcrux</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Getting to Sundermount had not been as easy as it should have been.  One would think that travelling with the Guard Captain would dissuade bandits from attacking, but the moment they were near the mountain, that is exactly what happened.  Varric had protested, that they had a pregnant woman with them, but Selene had just unsheathed her sword and fought.  Her decision to release an ancient soul who, in turn, taught her the techniques of Arcane Sorcery were right ones.  She easily helped kill the bandits without showing her magic.  Raven, however, had no qualms about using her magic in the open.  She’d thrown fireballs and invoked cold magic with no problems at all.</p>
<p>The first differences between the Dalish Clan near the Brecilian Forest and the one at the base of Sundermount that Selene was that the one near Kirkwall didn’t have a werewolf curse that they expected her to fix for them.  They also weren’t led by a bald elf who had some deep seeded hatred for humans and dogs.  Apawstate was treated well.</p>
<p>Raven spoke with Keeper Marethari.  Marethari gave her a guide to navigate to the paths of Sundermount to a sacred place where she would need to perform a ritual on the amulet Asha ‘Bellasar had given her to carry to them.</p>
<p>“Where in Ferelden are you from?”  Aveline pried as they waited for Raven.</p>
<p>“Near Lake Calenhad,” Selene revealed.</p>
<p>“She was born in Kirkwall, though,” Varric informed Aveline.  “She’s Hawke’s cousin.”</p>
<p>“Selene <em>Amell</em>,” Selene gave a little courtesy.  “I came to Kirkwall looking for family.”</p>
<p>“When you had some near you in Ferelden the entire time?”  Aveline mused. </p>
<p>“They weren’t <em>that </em>close,” Selene insisted.  “Although, I admit that they were likely in Ferelden when I travelled through.  Who knows, I might have met Bethany.  I would never have known.”</p>
<p>Raven moved to them.  “We’ll meet the Keeper’s First a little further up the mountain.  She has been expecting me, it appears.”</p>
<p>“How would she know to be expecting you?”  Varric wondered.  “I thought you said this Asha ‘Bellasar stayed in Ferelden.”</p>
<p>“They were in Ferelden at the beginning of the Blight,” Raven confided.  “They had trouble with some Shem, though, and one of their clan disappeared near ancient elven ruins.  The woman he’d been with came back to the camp, carrying the Blight.  She picked it up from a mirror that she says the man disappeared through.”</p>
<p>“That can’t be good.”  Selene had found enough strange and spooky things in ancient elven ruins.  That didn’t include the dragon.</p>
<p>“They also came to Kirkwall,” Raven explained.  “Maybe she managed to visit them.  She did have impressive powers.  Let’s get moving.  We should be able to get back to Kirkwall in time for dinner.”</p>
<p>“We could eat then play a nice round of Wicked Grace, at the Hanged Man,” Varric suggested.</p>
<p>“Or we could go to someplace cleaner with better food,” Aveline countered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Selene followed Raven up the mountain, she saw someone crouched.  They were studying something on the ground, something that glowed.  The light disappeared and the person stood and turned.  “Oh, I didn’t hear.  You must be the ones the Keeper told me about.  Aneth ara.”  The person turned out to be a dark-haired elf with large eyes who looked nervous. </p>
<p>“You’re going to lead us to some sacred place to perform a ritual of an amulet.  Right?”  Raven looked at the elf with some concern.</p>
<p>“Yes, yes,” the elf quickly said.  Follow me.</p>
<p>They’d followed her for half a mile when she suddenly turned around.  “I’m sorry, I didn’t ask your name.  Unless… it’s not rude to ask a human their name, is it?  I’m Merrill.  Which you probably knew already.  I’m rambling, sorry.”</p>
<p>“I’m Raven Hawke,” Raven’s voice was gentle.  “This is my brother, Carver.”</p>
<p>“It’s a pleasure,” Carver stepped to her and bowed. </p>
<p>“My cousin, Selene Amell,” Raven continued.  Selene just raised a hand to wave, saying nothing.  “And my friends, Varric and Aveline.”</p>
<p>“You’re Varric,” Merrill pointed at him.  “And you would be Aveline.  I’ve never met a dwarf before.  Do you know many of them, Raven?”</p>
<p>“A few,” Raven was taken back by the question.</p>
<p>“And you?”  Merrill looked at the others, with wide eyed innocence. </p>
<p>“I know too many,” Varric assured her. </p>
<p>“Orzammar has more dwarves than you could imagine,” Aveline commented.  “Perhaps you should go there some day.”</p>
<p>“King Bhelen is trying to open Orzammar up, but there are guards at the gates who don’t let anyone in who doesn’t have any business there,” Selene warned.  “It can get really violent there, too.  I’ve seen people bludgeoning each other in the streets.”  She noticed the look Varric was giving her.  Of course, Grey Wardens were the only surfacers always welcome in Orzammar.  Andraste’s Swollen Ankles, pregnancy was making her careless.</p>
<p>“Your Keeper said you are leaving the Dalish for Kirkwall.  Is that right?”  Raven changed the subject.</p>
<p>“I have to,” Merrill insisted.  “Let’s leave it at that for now, all right?”</p>
<p>Oh, good, someone else was trying to keep secrets.  It should help Selene keep her own.</p>
<p>“I get the feeling you’re in trouble,” Raven pressed.</p>
<p>“It’s not like that!”  Merrill maintained.  “Not exactly, anyway.  The Keeper and I have disagreements, but it will sort itself out in time.”</p>
<p>Raven paused.  “Did you hear that strange noise?”</p>
<p>“Oh… I didn’t hear anything,” Merrill claimed.</p>
<p>“You seem awfully nervous,” Raven persisted.</p>
<p>“I’ve never met a human before,” Merrill revealed.  “Dalish mothers frighten their children with stories about you, you know.”</p>
<p>“They frighten them with stories about Raven?”  Varric gave her a cheeky smile.  “She can be scary.”</p>
<p>“No, not Hawke personally, of course,” Merrill waved her hands.  “I’m sure they don’t have any tales about you.  Or not scary ones, at least.”</p>
<p>“Wait,” Aveline muttered.</p>
<p>“Not that you’re not notable enough to have a story…”  Merrill hesitated.  “I’ll stop now.”</p>
<p>“You’ll have to work harder than that to offend me,” Raven assured her.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Merrill sighed.  “I’m afraid I’m not very experienced with your kind.  I grew up in Ferelden, I heard you had as well.  Have you been in the Free Marshes long?  Do you like it here?”</p>
<p>Raven sighed.  “I miss the cold.  Kirkwall’s not brown enough for me.  But hey, no darkspawn.”</p>
<p>“Ferelden wasn’t that brown!”  Merrill objected.  “And the dirt gave it character.”</p>
<p>“You were from Lothering,” Selene spoke up.  “I’ve been to Lothering.  It was rather green.  And I… I know the Grey Wardens that survived Ostagar stopped the Blight and got rid of the darkspawn.  And I hadn’t seen any since the Battle of Denerim.”</p>
<p>“Were you at the Battle of Denerim?”  Varric inquired.</p>
<p>“Word gets around,” Selene shrugged.</p>
<p>“We should go,” Merrill insisted.  “Your task is for Asha ‘Bellanar.  It’s not wise to make her wait.”</p>
<p>“Do you know the witch who sent me here?”  Raven pressed.</p>
<p>“No,” Merrill’s answer was fast and harsh.  “Not personally.  My people tell stories of her, though.  You’re very lucky.  Most people who meet Asha ‘Bellanar wind up in pieces… hanging from the trees.”</p>
<p>“I guess you’ve been waiting for this amulet along time,” Raven deduced.</p>
<p>            “The Keeper brought us here to wait for you,” Merrill explained.  “I don’t know much more than that.”</p>
<p>            Selene wondered if it was too late to go back.  This Asha ‘Bellanar sounded too much like Flemeth.  She tried to tell herself that Flemeth was now dead, but she didn’t quite believe it.  Besides, she had questions for the Witch of the Wilds.</p>
<p>            “I will perform a ritual on a sacred altar on the mountain top,” Merrill repeated her purpose.  “Getting there is the tricky part.  Our hunters haven’t been able to reach the summit.  Dark things are about.</p>
<p>            “Let’s get this over with,” Raven sighed.</p>
<p>            “We have a pregnant woman here!”  Carver reminded them.  “You and Selene stay here, Raven.  I’ll take care of this.”</p>
<p>            “Let’s just get going,” Selene began walking.  “I’ve faced things darker than you can imagine.”</p>
<p>            “Oh?”  Varric stepped closer to her.  “Do tell.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            They were halfway up the mountain when the undead attacked.  Skeletons rose from the ground and shambled from nearby caves.</p>
<p>            “What are these?” Carver hefted his sword, eyeing the skeletons warily.</p>
<p>            “Who was dumb enough not to bury their dead all over the mountain instead of burning them?”  Selene grumbled as she threw down the walking stick, she brought and drew her sword. </p>
<p>            “You’ve seen these things before?”  Merrill’s eyes widened.  “Have you been on Sundermount before?”</p>
<p>            “No,” Selene beheaded one of the skeletons.  “There were a bunch in an ancient elven ruin in the Brecilian Forest, though.  There were also a lot in Redcliffe, but that’s because the arl’s son was possessed by a demon and was killing the people of the castle and town and raising them back up to prey on their own families and friends.  Yet <em>he</em> said I was wrong to kill the kid he was raising those monsters,” she muttered.  She was still mad about that.  <em>He</em> refused to lead and then looked at her like <em>she</em> was the monster when she did what she had to in order to save a village full of people.  She’d thought she was over it, but then <em>he</em> had to follow the arl’s commands and dumped her like she’d been a brood mother in disguise.  Why had she lost her heart to a man who expected the impossible from her and wouldn’t fight for what he wanted? </p>
<p>            “Do you have to tell these stories while I’m busy, Enigma?” Varric shot a bolt at one of the creatures.</p>
<p>            “Enigma?”  Selene asked as she cut down another of the undead.</p>
<p>            “Yes, you’re…”  Varric stopped as one of Merrill’s fireballs went wild.</p>
<p>            The elven mage had been throwing fireballs, but this one was aimed at a skeleton near Raven.  As they watched, Raven stepped back to cast an ice blast and right into the path of the fireball.</p>
<p>            “Hawke!”  Varric called a warning.</p>
<p>            Selene lifted her hand and cast at the fireball.  It froze midair and dropped to the ground. </p>
<p>            “Is there something you want to tell us?”  Aveline asked as she beheaded one of the undead.</p>
<p>            “Screw this!”  Selene sheathed her sword.  She picked up the walking stick and tapped it on the ground three times.  A staff slid out of it.  She summoned a thunderstorm.  The lightning struck out at the remaining undead, frying them where they stood.  They dropped to the ground.  She then held the hollowed-out stick and placed the staff against it.  “Conflent.”  The walking stick once again hid the staff.  </p>
<p>            “As I was saying,” Varric spoke.  “You’re an enigma.”</p>
<p>            “You’re a mage?”  Merrill stared at Selene.  “Why were you using a sword then?”</p>
<p>            “I learned Arcane Magic from the spirit of an Ancient Elf,” she explained.</p>
<p>            “Can he teach me too?”  Merrill’s expression became excited.</p>
<p>            “Sorry, I released him from the crystal where he’d been imprisoned,” Selene informed her.  “Hopefully, he has moved on to a happier afterlife.”</p>
<p>            “So,” Aveline spoke as they began moving on.  “You’re an apostate, Selene.”</p>
<p>            “Not exactly,” Selene was purposely evasive.</p>
<p>            “Let me rephrase that,” Aveline’s voice was irritated.  “Is there someone hunting you that I need to be aware of before they come bursting into my city or go to Meredith, who will then send more Templars out from the Gallows to find you?”</p>
<p>            Was anyone hunting for her?  Selene pondered that question.  Had Alistair come looking for her or was he glad to get rid of a mistake?  He would no longer have a reminder that he’d entangled himself with a mage and was free to find his precious queen without her around as a possible source of gossip.  Were the Grey Wardens actively hunting her?  There was a good possibility that they were.  They had conscripted her, after all.  She decided to go with the vaguest answer she could, that might reassure the guard captain.  “There shouldn’t be any Templars looking for me.”</p>
<p>            “Who might be looking for you, Enigma?”  Varric caught on to her evasiveness. </p>
<p>            “Who besides the Templars might come after a mage outside the Circles?”  She answered his question with a question.</p>
<p>            Varric just studied her for a moment as they continued up the mountain.  “I’m not sure.  Hawke, is anyone but Templars after you?”</p>
<p>            “The Templars aren’t after me,” Raven reminded him.  “I didn’t escape from a Circle of Magi.”</p>
<p>            “Neither did I… exactly,” Selene informed her.</p>
<p>            As they continued on, Raven glanced at Merrill.  “You almost hit me with that fireball, by the way.  Be more careful in the future.”</p>
<p>            “Sorry, Hawke,” Merrill murmured, her eyes large and pleading.</p>
<p>            “Crap,” Raven muttered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            They finally reached the ancient graveyard, after battling yet more of the undead.  “Here it is,” Merrill announced.  “Put the amulet on the altar.”</p>
<p>Raven followed her instructions.  Placing the amulet down.  “What happens now?”</p>
<p>Merrill stood in front of the altar and began reciting in elvish.  When she was done, flames appeared swirling in the air above the amulet.  Then it appeared that an elderly, well dressed woman, slowly emerged until she was standing on the altar.</p>
<p>Selene recognized her, although she was much better dressed than the last time, they had come face to face.  That was when Selene had made an effort to kill her before she could possess Morrigan, stealing her body.  She wasn’t sure how Flemeth would feel about seeing her again, but it was her dark ritual that Morrigan had wanted to use to have a baby with Alistair; a baby who would contain the soul of an old god.  Except, <em>she</em> was the one Alistair had gotten pregnant, not Morrigan and she needed to know what might be happening to the life developing inside her.  “Flemeth!”  She called.</p>
<p>Flemeth stepped down from the altar.  “Ah, and here we are.”  She was looking at Raven, not Selene.</p>
<p>Merrill stepped forward, bowing.  She spoke elven, giving some traditional elven greeting.</p>
<p>“One of the people,” Flemeth acknowledged her.  “I see.  So young and bright.  Do you know who I am, beyond that title?”</p>
<p>“I know only a little,” Merrill admitted.</p>
<p>“Then stand,” Flemeth commanded.  “The people bend their knee too quickly.”</p>
<p>Flemeth then turned to Raven.  “It’s so refreshing to see someone who keeps their end of a bargain.  I half expected my amulet to end up in a merchant’s pocket.”</p>
<p>“You were inside that amulet the entire time?”  Raven was incredulous.</p>
<p>“Just a piece,” Flemeth assured her.  “A small piece, but it was all I needed; a bit of security should the inevitable occur and if I know my Morrigan, it already has.”</p>
<p>It had; Selene could confirm that.  All that effort fighting a dragon had been all for not.  Although, Morrigan had said her mother would likely find a way to escape death.</p>
<p>“Is that someone I should know?”  Raven ordered.</p>
<p>“She’s a girl who thinks she knows what is what better than I or anyone,” Flemeth answered.  “And why not.  I raised her to be nothing less.”</p>
<p>Now Selene stepped forward again.  “She learned how you extend your life.  Is she really your daughter or did you steal her as an infant?”</p>
<p>Flemeth paid her heed now and laughed.  “Oh, she is all mine.  How did you end up here, Warden?  I imagine you danced to Morrigan’s tune and I am sure you fulfilled the path I put you on.  Otherwise, these good folks would be busy running from the Blight instead of keeping their end of the bargain we made.”</p>
<p>“I stopped dancing, but not before…”  Selene wasn’t sure how to tell Flemeth that she had, indeed, killed the rest of her. </p>
<p>“Before what?”  Flemeth laughed.  “What did my dear Morrigan do?”</p>
<p>“She abandoned me right before the Battle of Denerim, when I couldn’t convince Alistair to perform a dark ritual with her,” Selene enlightened her.</p>
<p>“So, the old god’s soul is lost,” Flemeth sounded regretful.</p>
<p>“Not exactly,” Selene found that she couldn’t tell Flemeth that she likely carried the child she wanted.  She feared the witch might come for her baby and she wasn’t sure she could kill her a second time, not without Alistair by her side.  “What would the child who carried that soul have become?  Would it be a demon?”</p>
<p>“A demon?”  Flemeth laughed.  “The child will never be, so why the questions?”</p>
<p>“I need to know,” Selene insisted.  “I… just tell me what the baby would have been.”</p>
<p>“It would have been a baby, but more,” Flemeth gazed at her a moment.  “How could you, of all people, not be able to persuade your Alistair?  He danced to your tune most of all, and most happily.  He looked at you as if you were the sunrise after a difficult night.”</p>
<p>“Not anymore,” Selene lowered her head.  “He… I… I made him king and…”</p>
<p>“He broke your heart child,” Flemeth’s joviality disappeared for a moment.  “I see it in your eyes.  The same pain I have known.  Sigh no more lady, sigh no more.  For men were deceivers ever.  I learned that lesson long ago and now have you.  Your story is not done yet.  Don’t let someone else write the end, it’s your story alone.”</p>
<p>“Is there some way I could find you, talk to you, if I have more questions?”  Selene pressed.  She didn’t want Flemeth to realize she carried the child Morrigan wanted, but she might need help.  She had no idea what she would give birth to.  Flemeth had said it was a baby, though.</p>
<p>“I’ll find you if I need you,” Flemeth told her.</p>
<p>“Is this Morrigan your daughter or your enemy?”  Raven wanted to know.</p>
<p>“Both,” Flemeth assured her.</p>
<p>“Why did you need me to bring you here?”  Raven continued to question.  Not realizing that Selene had her own history with Flemeth.</p>
<p>“Because I had an appointment to keep,” Flemeth explained.  “And because I did not want to be followed.  You smuggled me here quite nicely.  Even if you brought one of those who likely killed me with you.”</p>
<p>“This is no time to argue about who killed who,” Selene insisted.  “Obviously, you got better.”</p>
<p>“I don’t understand.”  Raven was confused by Flemeth and what was going on between her and her cousin.  “Are you some kind of vision?”</p>
<p>Flemeth laughed at that.  “Must I only be in one place?  Bodies are such limiting things.  I am but a fragment cast adrift from the whole.  A bit of flotsam to cling to in the storm.”</p>
<p>“A fragment?”  Raven repeated.</p>
<p>Flemeth stepped up to her.  “You don’t need to understand, child.  Know only that you may have saved my life, just as I once saved yours.  An even trade, I think.  Unlike those who will repay my saving of their life with swords and arrows.”  She looked significantly at Selene.</p>
<p>“You wanted your daughter to shag my ex-boyfriend,” Selene pointed out.  “That’s worse.”</p>
<p>“You <em>what</em>?”  Raven looked from Flemeth to Selene and back.</p>
<p>“You have to tell me the whole story, Enigma, please,” Varric begged.</p>
<p>Raven turned back to Flemeth.  “You have plans I take it.”</p>
<p>“Destiny waits us both, my dear girl,” Flemeth assured her.  “We have much to do.  Before I go, a word of advice.  We stand upon a precipice of change.  The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss.  Watch for that moment, and when it comes do not hesitate to leap.  It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly.”</p>
<p>“Stop speaking in riddles,” Raven demanded.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome,” Flemeth retorted.  She then turned to Merrill.  “As for you child, step carefully.  No path is darker than when your eyes are shut.”</p>
<p>Merrill answered her in elven.  Selene wondered if it was time to pick up the language.  Alas, Zevran didn’t speak it, she’d have to learn it from Merrill and she was pretty sure she’d seen the elf practicing blood magic earlier.  Jowan was more than enough blood mage to last her a lifetime. </p>
<p>Then Flemeth looked back at Selene.  “And you Warden, you have defied everyone’s plans for you, haven’t you?  Keep defying them.  Fight for the future you want, not the one others have planned for you.”  She studied Selene’s figure for a moment.  “And I hope your daughter isn’t as defiant as mine.”  She took in Aveline, Varric, and Carver as well.  “Now the time has come to leave.”  She turned to Raven again.  “You have my thanks and my sympathy.”  She glowed for a moment and then turned into a dragon, soaring into the sky.</p>
<p>“It’s easy to leap when you can turn into a dragon!”  Raven called after her.</p>
<p>“I guess that’s the last we see of her,” Aveline shrugged.</p>
<p>“Not if she realizes the full truth about the dark ritual and what happened the night Morrigan left,” Selene confided.  “Then she might be back.  I hope I’ll be able to kill her again if that’s the case.”</p>
<p>“Kill her again?”  Merrill’s eyes widened.  “No one can kill Asha ‘Bellasan!”</p>
<p>“Not permanently, it would appear,” Selene sighed.</p>
<p>“Yet you did temporarily, didn’t you?”  Varric’s eyes were pleading.  “Please tell me, Enigma.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Gwendolyn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were too many women in the Denerim Palace.  The ball was still three months away and the palace was bulging with noble women and their escorts.  Alistair didn’t know how he was supposed to dance with all of them.  Eamon told me he didn’t have to.  He just had to dance with enough to decide who he wanted as his bride.  Alistair had already eliminated half of them without ever talking to them, but they wouldn’t go away.</p>
<p>Now he found himself in the field behind his palace, enduring one of the many games and entertainments that would lead up to that dreaded ball.  His unwanted guests were knocking pins down by rolling balls at them.  He couldn’t see the point.  Several groups were heatedly competing with each other.  He noticed Teagan trying to teach Gwendolyn how to play.  They were alone in front of one of the sets of pins and she seemed upset again.</p>
<p>Alistair walked slowly towards the pair.  Gwendolyn threw her ball.  It veered off to the right and hit one of the pins in another groups area.</p>
<p>“Hey, watch it clumsy!”  One of the other women yelled at her.  Then they noticed Alistair nearby.  “I mean… be more careful next time.”  She laughed nervously and then tittered.</p>
<p>Alistair couldn’t remember the tall blonde’s name and didn’t bother to acknowledge her.  “What is this?”</p>
<p>“Beatrice called it bowling, Your Majesty,” Teagan answered.</p>
<p>“It’s ridiculous,” Gwendolyn insisted.</p>
<p>“You’re only saying that because you don’t know how to play,” Teagan assured her.</p>
<p>“I don’t, either,” Alistair admitted.</p>
<p>“You aren’t being forced to participate,” Gwendolyn muttered. </p>
<p>“You weren’t forced,” Teagan reminded her.  “I found her arguing with Lance, her head guard.  I guess he told her she had to, but no lady lets her guards give her commands.”</p>
<p>“That wasn’t exactly what we were fighting about,” she admitted.  “It’s… life’s hard.  One can be born a peasant and struggle for security, but at least they are free from duties that… that take from them what they truly wanted.  Security and power come with duties that are too difficult, that ask too much.”</p>
<p>“They don’t have to,” Teagan insisted.</p>
<p>“Yes, they do,” Alistair sided with Gwendolyn.  “What did it take from you, Gwen?”</p>
<p>She shook her head.  “I may be able to tell you someday, but…”</p>
<p>“I understand,” he smiled at her.  “Why don’t we have Teagan teach us how to play this silly game?”</p>
<p>Soon they were both throwing the ball across the lawn at the pins.  At one point, Alistair managed to knock down ten pins.  Those pins belonged to three different groups.  He and Gwendolyn laughed together as the other groups, who were seriously competing with each other all hissed at once.  Alistair and Gwendolyn just laughed harder.</p>
<p>“Nice!  Ten!”  Gwendolyn whooped.</p>
<p>“You’re supposed to hit your own pins, Alistair,” Teagan shook his head.</p>
<p>Gwendolyn was up next.  She took her ball and rolled it.  It rolled down the lawn and knocked over two of her own pins.  “I got one!”</p>
<p>“Good job!”  Alistair gave her a brief hug, grinning at her.  “They were even one of ours.”</p>
<p>“It looks like you could use my help, Your Majesty,” the tall blonde from the nearby group approached them.  She was almost the same height as the king.</p>
<p>“We’re doing fine,” Alistair insisted.</p>
<p>“I’m very good at this game.  If you notice, I’ve scored two-fifty.”  The newcomer’s smile was smug.</p>
<p>“Are we keeping score?”  Alistair looked at Teagan.</p>
<p>“I think you two need more practice before we learn to keep score, Alistair,” Teagan insisted.</p>
<p>“Nonsense,” the newcomer insisted.  She glanced at Gwendolyn and Teagan.  “I’m Giliana Peletier, the oldest daughter of Comte Peletier.”</p>
<p>“That’s nice,” Gwendolyn gave her a sardonic smile and blinked a few times.  Somehow, Alistair knew she didn’t care. </p>
<p>“I’ll teach you everything you need to know, Your Majesty,” her voice was a purr.  “Let me show you how to hold the ball.”  She put her arms around him and then stopped, her back going stiff, before she crumpled to the ground.</p>
<p>Teagan rushed to the woman.  He pulled a dart out of her neck, sniffing.  “I’ll have this checked, but I have no doubt she’s been poisoned.”</p>
<p>“Obviously, these women are too cut throat,” Alistair pointed out.  “We should send them all home.”</p>
<p>“This dart could have been meant for you, Alistair,” Teagan insisted.  “She likely just got in your way.  None of the other women have been attacked yet.  We’ll increase the guards and I’ll bring in someone to investigate this dart.”</p>
<p>“Selene and Zevran would have been the perfect pair to help with this,” Alistair commented.  “They could have told you whether it was poisoned and what the poison was in less than ten minutes.”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, they decided to run off together,” Eamon approached.  He’d obviously heard the last part.  “I’ll get the Court healer.  Hopefully, he can save Lady Peletier and tell us what poison was used.”</p>
<p>“I’ll have the guards check for assassins,” Teagan added.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The assassin cursed silently from where she hid behind a nearby cart.  Lydia had almost had the Grey Warden King, but that simpering Orlesian debutant had blocked her dart with her body.  She’d just had to get handsy and gotten in the way.  Lydia prayed an apology to the Old Gods and then emerged from her hiding place as if nothing had happened.</p>
<p>Sure enough, everyone was still crowded around the simpering fool who had blocked her shot.  She hoped the woman died, an offering to the Old Gods.  She’d have to plan better next time.</p>
<p>The assassin returned to her group.  “Did I miss something while I was taking care of nature?”</p>
<p>“I think it’s just an Orlesian being over dramatic,” one of her companions responded.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Just Another Day in the Hanged Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Selene was regretting the night before as she crawled out of bed and put on her clothes.  She’d been helping Raven with small jobs during the nights lately.  She insisted that as long as Raven wasn’t going out and seeking fights she could help.  Raven was grateful to have an arcane mage along and ignored Aveline’s constant insistence that a pregnant woman shouldn’t be taken into dangerous situations. </p>
<p>Raven was trying to raise enough money to invest in an expedition that Varric’s brother was heading.  Selene was all for helping her, she just wasn’t willing to go into the Deep Roads with her.  She hoped to never see the Deep Roads again, the broodmother she’d encountered there still haunted her dreams.  Worse, she’d dreamed that the broodmother would get one of those tentacles around Alistair.  She’d crushed the life out of him in the dream.  Selene found herself looking down at his lifeless body.  She’d sent a lightning storm at the broodmother and the creature had laughed before wrapping a tentacle around Selene’s neck and snapping it.  She’d woken crying.  Part of her had yearned to send a letter to Denerim to ensure <em>he</em> was all right, that he was still out there, alive.  She didn’t have anyone she could trust, though, not to do that at least.  Besides, she was trying to forget him; not ask after him.  What would she learn, that he was happy, that he’d found his queen, that he had produced the heir he so badly wanted with someone else?</p>
<p>The nightmare had been a few nights before.  She’d been asleep when her head had hit the pillow the night before.  The job she’d done with Raven had gone sideways.  It was supposed to be a simple retrieval of some smuggler’s goods.  There had been no goods, just a broody elf with strange lyrium tattoos covering his body.  He’d had a deep voice that Raven had practically swooned over.  Selene hadn’t been impressed.</p>
<p>It turned out that he was behind the job and had a different one for them.  They were to break into a house, looking for his old master.  He was an escaped slave from Tevinter, which meant he blended in well with the rest of the group.  The Tevine was long gone, but had left some nasty traps in the house or them.  He’d obviously been messing with blood magic.  The last Tevinter Magister she’d met had been as well.  She wondered why they kept turning to blood magic, it wasn’t like they were imprisoned like their southern brethren.</p>
<p>Once they’d finished the job, the elf, his name was Fenris, had thrown a fit about her and Raven being mages.  Raven had told him to deal with it.  Selene had opened here mouth to tell him just what it was like to be a mage in Southern Thedas, when Aveline had gone off on him about endangering a pregnant woman.  Fenris’ skin had paled, causing his tattoos to become even more pronounced, under Aveline’s disapproval.  It had been fun to watch. </p>
<p>When she’d returned, Corff had a message that Lirene wanted to see her.  She hoped her friend had located a reliable midwife or a healer outside the Gallows.</p>
<p>She wondered if Corff had any Antivan coffee as she slugged out of her room, grabbing her walking stick.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene emerged to see Zevran talking to another of the Hanged Man’s patrons.  It was another pirate.  They were by the docks and Kirkwall was a major port city.  It attracted trade, that meant it also attracted pirates.  This pirate looked familiar.  She took a closer look.  Andraste’s dirty socks, it was Isabela!  Did Zevran have no decorum?  The pirate knew him, there was no way she wouldn’t recognize Selene if she saw her with the elf.</p>
<p>As she watched them, Zevran leaned in and whispered to Isabela, his mouth just a little too close to her ear.  This was what she got for leaving with a friend with a libido like Zevran’s.</p>
<p>She sat in a stool across from Corff and leaned the walking stick against the bar.  “Coffee.”</p>
<p>“We’re out,” he answered.  “Perhaps you should just start ordering from the source.”</p>
<p>“Tell me the source,” she countered. </p>
<p>He wrote the information down for her and slid the paper over.  “There.”</p>
<p>“How long has Isabela been here?”  She wondered.</p>
<p>“You know her, too?”  Corff snorted.  “I didn’t think you were the type.  Couldn’t you resist seeing what was below those decks?”</p>
<p>“I did resist,” she assured him.  “Although, Zevran went off for a tour.  I met her in Ferelden.  She seemed upset with Zevran, it had something to do with something that happened in Antiva, but they did spend the night together.”</p>
<p>“And you?”  He prompted.</p>
<p>There was no reason to lie.  She patted her abdomen.  “I enjoyed a blissful night with Little Demon’s father.”</p>
<p>Corff smiled at her.  “That’s the first time you’ve mentioned him to me.  Who was he?”</p>
<p>“He was someone who didn’t love me as much as I thought he did; nor as much as I love him.”  She didn’t realize she’d used the present tense, not even when Corff raised an eyebrow. </p>
<p>Then he just nodded.  “Hold on a moment.  I do have something special in the back for you.”</p>
<p>She watched him leave.  Her gaze slid back to Zevran and Isabela.  The pirate looked in her direction and she turned her head.  She didn’t want anyone hearing any titles ever used for her and prayed that Zevran would say something.</p>
<p>“Here you go,” Corff slid a mug with something brow in it to her. </p>
<p>She sniffed at it.  It wasn’t coffee, this was sweeter.  She took a sip.  Her eyes closed and she savored it.  She thought to ask him where he got it, but didn’t dare.  She wanted him to keep supplying it.  The taste was like the blessing of Andraste.  “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Anything for you and your Little Demon,” he assured her.  “Back to your earlier question, Isabela’s had a room here for a few months now.  I’m surprised you two haven’t run into each other before.  She and your elven friend have been out here, getting drunk together, several different nights now.  They also like to play Wicked Grace.  Perhaps you should play with them.”</p>
<p>“Isabela cheats,” she revealed.  “I’ve caught her before.”</p>
<p>“Of course, you have,” Corff nodded.  “Don’t say that too loudly, she causes enough damages.”</p>
<p>“She was in a fight in a brothel the first time I met her,” Selene recalled.</p>
<p>“What were you doing in a brothel?”  Corff wanted to know.  “You are too skilled in other areas to have had to work at one of those places.”</p>
<p>“I was doing a favor for someone, a guard captain to be precise,” Selene revealed.  “It was a vertical favor, not a horizontal one.  Do you know any knew rumors?”  She changed the subject.</p>
<p>“The craziest thing. Apparently, the pigeon population has taken a nose dive in Ferelden. Weird, huh. What kind of sick individual preys on those innocent things?”  He wiped the bar.</p>
<p>Pigeons.  She did know someone who hated pigeons, who would prey on them.  So, Wynne and Shale were back in Ferelden.  That was good to know, she guessed.  She wondered if they’d had any success in turning Shale back into a dwarf.</p>
<p>“I should get to work,” she sipped more of the delicious brown drink.  “The shop won’t open itself.”</p>
<p>“At least have some porridge before you go,” he urged her.</p>
<p>Corff’s cooking was on par with <em>his</em>.  “I’ll pick something up on the…”  She was cut off when a man marched to Isabela.  There was going to be trouble.</p>
<p>The main door opened and Raven walked in with Aveline and Merrill.  The new guy, Fenris, was with them.  She waved to Varric, who was in his customary seat, when she did.  There was <em>really</em> going to be trouble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You owe us Isabela,” the man who had approached the pirate told her.</p>
<p>Isabela didn’t even acknowledge the man, but she did speak to him.  “Well, Lucky, I’ll tell you what… since the information you gave me was worth nothing…”  She took a deep drink, despite the earliness of the hour.  “… that’s what I’ll pay you.”</p>
<p>Lucky slammed Isabela’s drink down as she was about to take another swig.  Obviously, no one had told him not to get between a pissed off woman and her alcohol.  “Me and my boys will get our money’s worth, bitch.”</p>
<p>Selene sighed, as she watched them.  “Go get the rags, Corff this is likely going to get bloody.”</p>
<p>Isabela now looked at the man she called Lucky.  “Oh, you poor, sweet thing.”  Her voice was too sugary.  She moved towards him, as if willing to give him a good time in exchange for his efforts.  Then she pulled him near and butted his head before punching him.  She kneed his groin as he went down.</p>
<p>One of Lucky’s men made the mistake of attacking Isabela from behind.  Another charged at her with a glass bottle.  Selene took another sip of her morning drink, as Isabela head butted the man holding her and then dodged so the second man hit his friend with the glass bottle.  Selene realized she might be late opening her shop, but she was enjoying her entertainment.</p>
<p>She watched as Isabela beat up two of Lucky’s henchmen.  Then she turned as a third pulled out a sword.  Isabela’s dagger was at his throat before he’d finished unsheathing it.  “Tell me, Lucky, is this worth dying for.”  Selene realized that was Lucky, the first man must have just been yet another henchman.  There seemed to be plenty of people selling their sword arms in Kirkwall, it was hard to keep track.  It was great business for a metal worker, though.</p>
<p>Lucky slowly backed up and then helped his men away.</p>
<p>Selene turned in her stool, planning to know get to work, but then she noticed Raven approaching Isabela.  It appeared the morning’s entertainment wasn’t over.</p>
<p>“Do you ever feel like the world’s getting simpler?”  The man beside her asked.  “Like everything from eating to fighting is a lot less complex than it used to be?”</p>
<p>“No,” she answered.  “The baby gives me heartburn and life used to be less of such a fight to get through.”</p>
<p>“Hello there,” Raven was now beside Isabela.</p>
<p>“My, and here I thought the only pretty women in this dump were already knocked up and avoiding me.”  Isabela spoke to Raven, but glanced in Selene’s direction.  So, the pirate had noticed the mage.</p>
<p>“You think I’m pretty?”  Raven smiled at her, ignoring the growl that came out of Fenris.  “It’s nice to be thought so by such a beautiful woman.”</p>
<p>Selene’s eyes raised over the rim of her mug.  Fenris was becoming a bit territorial already.</p>
<p>Isabela bowed to Raven.  “I’m Isabela.  Previously ‘Captain’ Isabela.  Sadly, without my ship, the title rings a bit hollow.  You’re Fereldan, aren’t you?  You have that look about you.  I was in Denerim not too long ago.  You know, you might be just what I’m looking for to solve a little problem I have.”</p>
<p>“Denerim?”  Corff repeated.  “Is that where you met the captain without a ship?”  He asked Selene.</p>
<p>“It was,” she confirmed.  “I had business in the capital.”</p>
<p>“Can’t anyone fix their own lives around here?”  Raven bemoaned.  After last night, Selene couldn’t fault her for the complaint.  Now the latest problem was following her around and shooting broody warning looks at Isabela.</p>
<p>“It must be something in the water,” Isabela shrugged.  “Someone from my past has been pestering me.  I’ve arranged for a duel… if I win, he leaves me alone.  But I don’t trust him to play fair.  I need someone to watch my back.”</p>
<p>Selene hoped she didn’t mean Zevran.   She couldn’t see Zevran pestering anyone who said no, not unless he was trying to convince them not to kill him.</p>
<p>“Who’s this person you’ve arranged to meet?”  Raven pried.</p>
<p>“His name is Hayder,” Isabela replied with a name Selene was unfamiliar with.  “We worked together back in Antiva.  He never liked me.  He’s been asking about me all around Kirkwall.  Thought I’d get it over with and meet him face-to-face.”</p>
<p>“You wanted information from Lucky,” Raven had been paying attention to the fight.  “What was it?”</p>
<p>“I asked Lucky and his boys to track down something I lost,” Isabela answered.  “They failed to do it.  It’s nothing to worry about, and this is much more important.”</p>
<p>Selene knew she should leave, but she was interested to see if Isabela could seduce Raven.  Trying to seduce those around them seemed to be the Antivan way, after all, and Isabela was giving signals.  She realized the pair were discussing duels and decided to pay attention again.</p>
<p>“What makes you think I’m right for this job?”  Raven took a step forward and Isabela smiled at her.</p>
<p>She purred at Raven.  “You saw me talking to Lucky, didn’t you?  Those boys couldn’t handle simple information gathering.  I can’t trust the riffraff in this place to do anything right.  But you’re… you’re different.”</p>
<p>“Should I be insulted?”  Selene asked Corff.</p>
<p>“You’re hardly the riffraff in here,” Corff assured her.  “You’re busy with your own stuff.  Are you sure you’ll still have time for breakfast?  You should have left by now.”</p>
<p>“I’m enjoying this,” she held out the mug.  “I want to see if Isabela can seduce Raven,” she added.  “I’ll bet you a silver she’ll try.”</p>
<p>“She’s usually the one having others hit on her,” Corff mused.  “You’re on.”</p>
<p>“I think I can manage watching your back,” Raven was saying.</p>
<p>Isabela chuckled seductively.  “I’ll bet.  I’ve arranged to meet Hayder in Hightown after dark.  I’ll meet you there.”  She walked away.</p>
<p>“Nope, that wasn’t seduction for her,” Selene tossed Corff a silver.</p>
<p>“It wasn’t?”  He was doubtful.</p>
<p>“I’ve seen her attempts,” Selene assured him.  “That wasn’t it.”</p>
<p>“Have fun in Darktown,” he said cheerfully. </p>
<p>Selene slid off the barstool.  “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Selene!”  Aveline called to her before she could make her way to the door.</p>
<p>“Yes?”  Selene turned.  Aveline had yet to ask her what she sold in Darktown.  She’d never seen a single guard there, so she wondered if the guard captain cared.</p>
<p>“Is everything all right?”  Aveline seemed concerned.  “I’ve heard rumors that someone has been asking after you.  They are just rumors, unsubstantiated.  It’s more of a whispered echo, but… is there are reason someone might be asking about you?  You can tell me.  Are you in trouble?”</p>
<p>“I can take care of myself,” Selene assured her.  Yes, there were reasons someone might be looking for her.  She hadn’t seen any Grey Wardens in town, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there.  She knew there were plenty of Templars.  She grabbed the walking stick.  “Separatum”.  Her staff emerged.  She handed the stick to Corff.  “Watch that for me, will you?”</p>
<p>“Who’s after you, Selene?”  Aveline pressed.</p>
<p>“I wish I knew,” Selene answered as she left.  It would make things easier if she knew who to prepare for.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. It's a Bow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The question of who might be looking for her weighed on Selene’s mind as she set up shop for the day.  It continued to as she talked to customers.  She sold two swords and three pieces of jewelry before she had someone asking about her special walking sticks.</p>
<p>“I heard you could help those who would like to avoid the Gallows,” a woman told her.  “I have decided to leave Kirkwall, but do not wish to make the journey unarmed.”</p>
<p>“I have swords,” Selene held one up.  She thought she was beginning to show a talent in sword making.  She wasn’t as talented as Michael Dryden, who had made her Starfang, but she made a blade that would serve its master well.</p>
<p>“I was more interested in your staffs,” the customer nodded to Selene’s own staff, which she had propped near her display table. </p>
<p>“Oh, that’s a bow,” Selene told her.</p>
<p>“I’m interested in such bows,” the woman looked around and then let sparks play along her fingers for a moment, before closing a fist.  “I heard you could help someone with my… archery… talents.”</p>
<p>“Indeed, I can,” Selene stood.  “Come this way, she led her into the back of her little shop.  This half,” she gestured, “are walking sticks.  They’re just walking sticks.  These, however… you know what they are.”  She indicated the mage staffs.  “They for people who have… archery talents… like us.”</p>
<p>The customer ran a gentle finger along one of them.  “They’re nicer than the ones at the Gallows.  Perhaps not more than Grand Enchanter Orsino’s, but still…” </p>
<p>Selene smiled at the compliment and helped her customer pick out a new staff, one for her new life as a free mage.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Business continued to be good and Selene hadn’t seen a guard or a Templar all day.  She never did, but Aveline’s warning had made her nervous.  “This isn’t what I expected to find in Darktown,” a rather rugged, handsome man examined one of her long daggers.  He had dark hair and a close-cropped beard and mustache.  They caused his bright blue eyes to seem even bluer.  “Tomwise recommended I stop by your shop.”</p>
<p>“So, you were down here for poison?”  She wondered what he’d need with poisons.  “Do you coat your swords and daggers?  I have a friend who does.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” he admitted.  “I’m hunting a dangerous prize, but can’t find them.”</p>
<p>“Really?”  She swallowed hard.  “Is it anyone I know?”</p>
<p>“I doubt it,” he assured her.  “A beautiful woman like you wouldn’t get entangled in the likes of them.  It is a member of a dangerous, evil group who want to destroy the beauty of Thedas.”</p>
<p>“It’s a darkspawn?”  She guessed.</p>
<p>He laughed.  “No, not one of the Unfortunate,” he assured her.  “If you don’t mind me asking, when is your little one due to come?”</p>
<p>She patted her abdomen.  She found the question personal, but was asked it a dozen times a day.  “It will still be a couple of months, at least.”</p>
<p>He grinned as he tested the edge of the dagger, then put his now bleeding finger into his mouth for a moment.  He looked into her eyes as he gently sucked the blood.  “Your husband is a lucky man.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” she made a non-committal sound. </p>
<p>He studied her for a moment.  “I am Percy, by the way.  I’m new to Kirkwall.”</p>
<p>“Are you also new to coating your daggers?”  She questioned.  “I suggest you not put your hand in your mouth if you wound yourself on the edge of one you coated or poisoned.”</p>
<p>He laughed.  “Point taken.  Speaking of which, I’ll take this point,” he held up the dagger.  He pulled out his bag.  “I don’t know if you could suggest a good place to find a home around here.”</p>
<p>“I’m still staying at the Hanged Man,” she confessed.  “I would imagine you could find something around the Chanter’s Board.  It’s by the chantry in Hightown.  That is the only chantry in Kirkwall.”</p>
<p>“In Hightown,” he repeated.  “That doesn’t seem personable.  I imagine they have gold leaf throughout the place.”</p>
<p>“I… I actually haven’t been in there,” she admitted.  “I hate to admit that I haven’t been in a chantry since before I set foot in Kirkwall.”</p>
<p>“Your accent is Fereldan,” he observed.  “Are you one of the refugees?”</p>
<p>“I am,” she lied.  Well, half lied, she corrected herself.  She was a refugee from the Circle and Grey Wardens, not to mention from fleeing Ferelden’s king.</p>
<p>“I don’t suppose you ever met the Grey Warden who defeated the old god,” he inquired.</p>
<p>She had never been asked that question.  It hit a little too close to her true identity.  “We have never been introduced to each other.  Have you met them?”</p>
<p>“No, he and I have never met either,” he smiled sweetly.  “I haven’t even been to Ferelden.  Although, a friend of mine is there now.  She’s there for the King’s Bride Finding Ball.”</p>
<p>“The King’s Bride Finding Ball?”  She repeated.  Her heart fluttered and then sank.  <em>He</em> was having some ball to find a wife.  <em>He</em> was so anxious to find that all important wife, the one he’d never disgrace by carrying on with her, that <em>he </em>was throwing a ball to just pick the woman.  She wondered which woman would win.  Would it be Percy’s friend?  What would she look like?  She had no doubt that they’d immediately wed and start trying for their heir.  She had a flash of a vision.  <em>He</em> was wrapped around the faceless woman, swearing his love to her and tenderly caressing her in a very intimate way.</p>
<p>“He is,” Percy confirmed.  “Breeding and heir making seem to be all that the nobility cares for.  I wonder if they realize something like love exists.”</p>
<p>“If they do, they don’t put much importance in it,” she assured him.</p>
<p>“I almost pity them,” Percy confided.  “I would if they weren’t such greedy sots.  I’d take the little family you’re starting over any title any day.  You and your baby’s father are very lucky.”</p>
<p>She closed her eyes for a moment.  She didn’t know why she was telling him the truth, except for the news about her baby’s father.  “He’s a noble sot and isn’t involved in my life or that of the baby.”</p>
<p>Percy’s eyes widened.  “No.  I’m… I… I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have…”</p>
<p>She shook her head.  “It’s OK.  I think we’re still lucky.  I would rather my child know they’re loved than have them think they were created out of a sense of duty.”  She didn’t think about the fact that her child was not only not planned, but possibly an evil demon.  It did carry the soul of an old god, after all.</p>
<p>“Perhaps,” he blushed a little.  “Perhaps you’ll let me come back in a couple of days and take you to dinner?”</p>
<p>Part of her rebelled at that.  Her heart reminded her that it still belonged to another, but her head told it to shut up.  That person was planning a ball to find someone who wasn’t her.  He didn’t want her or her heart.  “I might like that.”</p>
<p>“Until then,” he bowed over her hand, before taking his purchase and walking away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I like the way you did your hair.”  The voice caused Selene to stop in her tracks.  She’d been showing an arm cuff to a customer, a rogue who preferred short sleeves.  It looked stunning on the rogue and Selene thought she had very good taste in jewelry.  She’d gone from being lighthearted to feeling her heart stop and then drop into her stomach.</p>
<p>She turned to the newcomer.  “Leliana.”  It wasn’t her imagination.  Leliana stood in front of her.  The rogue had ditched the armor Selene was accustomed to seeing her in.  She wasn’t in the clothes of a Chantry sister, as she’d been the first time Selene saw her, either.  She now wore leather and a doublet.  There were two large daggers on her back.  That was a shame, she was better with a bow than daggers.  Still, it was a good idea to be armed if one was walking the streets of Kirkwall.</p>
<p>“Selene,” Leliana smiled at her. </p>
<p>Selene could see the hesitation behind it, though.  She wondered when they’d reached a point of discomfort with each other.  She’d loved Leliana like a sister, she still did, but there was hurt now associated with her; hurt and fear.  She turned back to her customer, wildly hoping she was just hallucinating and one of her closest friends wouldn’t be there when she turned back.  “I can hold this for you for two days if you want to think about your purchase.”</p>
<p>“No, I want it!”  The rogue assured her.  “I was just…”  She lowered her voice.  “Do you take commissions?  Perhaps a bracelet that holds poison?”  The last part was in a practical whisper.</p>
<p>“I would be happy to take commissions,” Selene assured her.  “Why don’t you draw up what you’d like and I’ll be happy to make it.”</p>
<p>“I’ll bring my specification by tomorrow,” she promised as she paid for the arm cuff.  “I’ll let you catch up with your friend.  It sounds like you haven’t seen each other in a while.”</p>
<p>“It’s been months,” Leliana told the other woman.  “Selene has obviously been quite busy.”  She waited until the customer had left.  “I do hope you’re using your real name and I wasn’t supposed to call you something else.”</p>
<p>“I’m using my real name,” Selene assured her.  “No one around here associates the name Selene Amell with a Grey Warden who killed an archdemon.  Few even associate it with a Circle Mage and Darktown is a place for mages to hide.”</p>
<p>“Don’t I get a hug?”  Leliana appeared distressed.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Selene went to her and let her friend enfold her in her arms.</p>
<p>Leliana held her close for a moment.  “I missed you.”</p>
<p>“I do miss you, too,” Selene confessed.</p>
<p>“Good,” Leliana’s voice lightened, becoming more of the happy minstrel Selene had known.  “Then you won’t mind telling me how far along you are.  Those clothes don’t quite hide your condition and that hug assured me that I was feeling what I thought I was feeling.  I think it tried to kick me.”</p>
<p>“She does that now,” Selene blanched.  There were certain people she didn’t want to know about her baby.  “I’m in my sixth month.”</p>
<p>“Is it Zevran’s?”  If her best friend couldn’t be blunt who could be.</p>
<p>Still, Selene’s answer was laughter.  She doubled over as much as she could, holding her abdomen as the laughter took her.  Zevran had hit her on her plenty of times, but she could no longer take his advances serious.  Their relationship was more of that of siblings than lovers.  “No, it is definitely not, Zevran’s.  Boy, that would ruin a very good relationship.”</p>
<p>“So, you didn’t run away with him,” Leliana began looking around the shop, as if it would offer her some sort of answer.</p>
<p>“He left with me,” Selene admitted.  “He promised to be my bodyguard and…”  She looked down for a moment.  “He knew I was leaving.  He wasn’t going to let me go on my own.”</p>
<p>“How did he know you were leaving and I didn’t…”  Leliana trailed off.  “I was excited about my new assignment, guarding the Urn of Sacred Ashes.  You had tried to talk to me that last night, after you and Alistair had gone off together.  What did he say to you?”</p>
<p>“We don’t say that name here,” Selene’s voice grew faint.  Just hearing his name caused a pang.  It was best not even to think of him.  “What does it matter what he said, he told me what he wanted from me and reminded me what he was no longer willing to give.  I couldn’t give him what he wanted, either.”  To stand by his side while he… no!  No one should be asked to do such things.</p>
<p>“You left six months ago,” Leliana kept her voice casual, even as she studied a dagger for a second.  “You are <em>in</em> your sixth months.  Tell me one thing.”</p>
<p>“I’ve already told you one thing,” Selene pointed out.</p>
<p>“Touché,” Leliana nodded.  “You wouldn’t lie to your best friend, though.”</p>
<p>“Are you my best friend?”  She’d been once, but Selene wasn’t sure anymore.  She needed to know why Leliana was here.  How and why had she tracked her down?</p>
<p>Leliana’s face fell.  “I thought I was.  Are we not friends?  I guess Zevran is your best friend, he’s the one you told that you were leaving.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t tell him anything,” Selene informed her.  “He was just the only one paying attention.  And yes, we are friends, but you can’t blame me for being cautious.  How did you find me?”</p>
<p>“Not with your phylactery,” Leliana grimaced.  “Wynne beat me to thinking of that.  But apparently it no longer works.”</p>
<p>Selene paled.  Why would Wynne look for?  Did she get the Circles and Chantry involve?  “Did Wynne involve the Templars?  Is the Chantry looking for me?”  She glanced at her staff.  Would she have to go on the run?  She was building a life here, she’d found a cousin, if nothing else.”</p>
<p>“I found you first, so the phylactery obviously doesn’t work,” Leliana assured her.  “I doubt they work on any Grey Wardens.”</p>
<p>The Joining, the Joining had changed her blood.  It could be enough to confuse a phylactery.  “Why is Wynne looking for me?  Why are you?”</p>
<p>Leliana moved on to the walking sticks.  She ran a finger along one.  “As to how I found you, I’m a bard, I have my ways.  Not that it was easy, I’ve been looking for months.  As for why, it is the Grey Wardens who are looking for you, not the Chantry.”</p>
<p>“Andraste’s soiled drawers!”  Selene cussed.  “I killed an archdemon for them!  Why can’t they leave me alone?”</p>
<p>“They want you take over the command of Amaranthine,” Leliana explained.  “They assigned an Orlesian when they couldn’t find you.  Then they told the King that if he wanted a Fereldan Warden as commander, he’d have to find you.  He sent Wynne and I out.”</p>
<p>“Damn them,” she closed her eyes a moment.  She was in no condition at the moment to lead Grey Wardens against darkspawn or anyone else.  Nor did she have a desire to dance to the Warden’s tune.  They had sent one man, Riordan, into Ferelden when they lost contact with the Fereldan Grey Wardens.  Now they blackmailed Her king.  So, <em>he</em> would suffer, because she left.  The new Wardens would suffer.  She couldn’t go back, though.  Yes, <em>he</em> suffered due to the Wardens manipulations, but the last thing he needed was her showing up at Landsmeets with her very prominently baby belly, while he searched for his new wife.  “I’m not going.”</p>
<p>“Could you at least go to Denerim and explain to Alistair…”  Leliana stopped at the look Selene shot at her when she said <em>his</em> name.  “Wow, you really don’t want to hear his name.  Could you go back to Denerim and explain why you can’t take over Amaranthine?”</p>
<p>“No,” Selene insisted.  “And it isn’t just because I would go into labor before I got back.”</p>
<p>“You could make it,” Leliana insisted.  “It isn’t <em>that</em> far.”  She narrowed her eyes.  “Oh, why didn’t you tell him after the Landsmeet about the baby.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t pregnant at the Landsmeet,” Selene pointed out.</p>
<p>“From the look you shot me, I thought Alistair was the father and you didn’t want to tell him,” Leliana gave a little laugh.  “Who is the father then?  Teagan?”</p>
<p>Selene sighed.  Teagan had made advances, but she expected her friend to know her better than that.  “I do not just jump from one bed to another, Leliana.  I’ve only had sex with… I don’t bed hop.”</p>
<p>“You’ve only… then it <em>is</em> Alistair’s baby!”  Leliana proclaimed.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you just tell all of Kirkwall?”  Selene grumbled.  She looked nervously at the door, as if a customer was about to walk in and that customer was then going to run to Denerim to tell the King of Ferelden that she was carrying his child.</p>
<p>“When?”  Leliana wanted to know.  “You said you weren’t… and he… well, I was there.”</p>
<p>“No, you weren’t there,” Selene assured her.  “It was that night in Redcliffe, before the forced march to Denerim.”</p>
<p>“You… after he…”  Leliana’s eyes widened.  “And then he just…”</p>
<p>“Please, don’t tell him,” Selene begged.  “I can’t have him know.  It wouldn’t do any good and it would just hurt both of us more.”</p>
<p>“He’ll know when he comes here to see you,” Leliana pointed out.</p>
<p>“Please, don’t tell him where I am,” Selene pleaded.  “I’m not going to Amaranthine, that is all you have to tell him.  Do you plan to walk into the middle of his ball and tell him that you found his pregnant ex in Kirkwall’s Darktown and she’s about to give birth to his bastard?  You can add that she isn’t even sure what she’s giving birth to as both of its parents are tainted and Morrigan kept going on about the Archdemon’s soul going into the baby she wanted to make with Alistair.  I think… it’s the only way we’re both still alive, the soul went into my baby.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”  Leliana picked up one of the walking sticks and leaned against it.</p>
<p>“Fears that I don’t want to share with <em>him</em> and that would take a long time to explain to you,” Selene sighed.</p>
<p>“Fine, I’ll treat you to dinner and you can explain them to me then,” Leliana decided.  “You didn’t have plans for tonight, did you?”</p>
<p>“Raven is helping Isabela with some suspicious duel tonight, so not really,” Selene admitted.</p>
<p>“Who’s Raven?”  Leliana pressed.  “Did you replace me with someone named Raven?”</p>
<p>“There is no replacing you,” Selene assured her.  “She’s a cousin of sorts.  I’ll go to dinner if you promise not to tell Al… him… where I am or about the baby.  Just tell him you found me and I’m not coming back.”</p>
<p>“Fine,” Leliana agreed.  “But only if you say his name.”</p>
<p>“What?”  Selene blinked at her.  “Why?”</p>
<p>“I need to know something,” Leliana studied her.  “Just say it.”</p>
<p>“Al…”  Selene swallowed.  Maker!  Why was it so hard?  She’d been away from him for six months; she’d thought that should be enough time to put him behind her; even if she was carrying his child.  “Alistair.”  Her voice broke in the middle of his name.  Her hand shot up to cover her mouth, trying to suppress a sob as tears welled up in her eyes.  They slowly fell.  Maker, when would the pain end?  Would it ever end?  “Damn it!  Is this what you wanted?  Does it help anything?  Does it cancel that ball he’s throwing to find a wife?”</p>
<p>“You know about the ball?”  Leliana grimaced.  “I’m sorry, I just needed to know.”  She leaned the walking stick against the rack and pulled her friend into her arms.  “I won’t tell anyone where you are and I won’t tell them about your baby.  I’ll just tell them that I found you and you aren’t coming back.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Selene tried to pull herself together.</p>
<p>“I will also tell them you didn’t run off with Zevran, because Arl Eamon is telling anyone who will listen that you did,” Leliana added.  “The man’s a worse gossip than his wife.”</p>
<p>“He never really liked me,” Selene confided.  “I wouldn’t try and convince Alistair and Anora to marry, which messed up his plans.  He really didn’t like that his nephew was sleeping with a mage.”</p>
<p>“The jerk,” Leliana agreed.  She glanced at Selene’s other stock.  “What are those?”</p>
<p>Selene followed her gaze to the mage staffs.  “Bows.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Selene went to Fereldan Imports as soon as she’d closed her own shop.  Lirene tended to stay open longer than others.  There was no telling when one of the refugees she helped would need her aid.  There were two men in the shop when Selene entered.  There was also a woman, Leliana.</p>
<p>“She says you know her,” Lirene indicated Leliana.  “She also claims to be Fereldan, but she doesn’t sound like one.”</p>
<p>“She grew up in Orlais, but she is Fereldan,” Selene vouched for her.  “And yes, I know her.  We’re eating dinner together tonight.”</p>
<p>“Not at the Hanged Man, I hope,” Lirene blanched.  “That isn’t a memory anyone should have of Kirkwall.”</p>
<p>“I’ve had some nice recommendations in Hightown,” Leliana assured her.</p>
<p>“Just be careful of bandits on your way back to your inn,” Lirene advised.</p>
<p>“I can take care of myself,” Leliana assured her.</p>
<p>Lirene looked to Selene who nodded.  “Speaking of Hightown, I found the Amell Estate.  It took a while, since there is more than one Amell estate.  There is the estate that Gamlen lost that was rumored to actually belong to his sister.  Then there is the one his cousins lived in.  The one that is said to harbor the ghosts of the Amells and no one will live in, as it is cursed.  That would have been your parents.”</p>
<p>“Cursed?”  Selene repeated.  She glanced at Leliana.  She’d seen places said to be haunted, many were where the veil was weak.</p>
<p>“The family, your family, went through some very rough times,” Lirene revealed.</p>
<p>“So, I heard,” Selene admitted.  “It was apparently how I ended up in Ferelden.”</p>
<p>“The good news is that it was never sold, it’s still technically belongs to the Amell family,” Lirene handed her some paperwork.  “That means it belongs to you.  You might want to go check it out.”</p>
<p>“I’ll go with you,” Leliana insisted.  “I can stay a bit longer.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Selene nodded.  “I want to check this out.”</p>
<p>“It’s better than the Hanged Man to raise your baby in,” Lirene insisted.  “Even if it’s haunted.  At least the ghosts are family and not riffraff.”</p>
<p>“The Hanged Man isn’t that bad!”  Selene insisted.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Yes, I Was That Child</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Viscount Marlowe Dumar had had problems with the Hawkes, but not their cousins, the Amells.  For one thing, there were few Amells left.  He’d only been aware of two, one was a drunk who was too pissed to cause problems most of the time.  The other was his prim and proper sister who, despite having given birth to Hawke, was a stellar member of the community.  That was about to change.</p>
<p>“You can’t just go in there,” Bran was arguing with someone, Dumar could hear him.  Bran was always arguing with people. </p>
<p>He dismissed the ruckus outside until his door opened.  “I suspect you took care of whoever was going to bother me, Bran.”</p>
<p>“I’m afraid Bran wasn’t up to the job,” Leliana pranced in, Selene following her.  “Don’t get me wrong, he’s very good at his job.  It’s just that we’re so much better.”</p>
<p>Dumar sighed. “Is this something the guards can deal with?  Aveline is excellent.  Just stay out of Darktown next time.  If a blood mage threatened you, speak with Meredith.”</p>
<p>“I have a shop in Darktown!”  Selene objected.  “Why are you trying to keep people out?  Do you think we can’t take care of ourselves?  And why would you send someone to the Templars who had a problem with a mage?  Do you think that mages and rogues can’t solve their own problems without involving the Templars?  Guards and Templars; that’s what’s wrong with this town.”</p>
<p>Dumar tried not to roll his eyes.  So, he had a business owner and a redhead who made him nervous in his office.  He looked at them closer.  He had a pregnant business owner and a scary redhead in his office. “What do you need then?”</p>
<p>Selene took a deep breath.  “I’m the daughter of Revka Amell.  I am here to reclaim my ancestral home.  She handed him the information Lirene had given her.  I understand that my mother disappeared while I was in Ferelden and my father moved away with my siblings.”</p>
<p>“Revka’s oldest child was taken to Ferelden’s Circle of Magi by the Templars,” Dumar recalled.  “Are you claiming you’re that child?”</p>
<p>“I am Revka’s oldest,” Selene stood, leaning against a staff. </p>
<p>He realized it was likely a mage’s staff.  She was definitely related to Hawke, she also strolled around town with a staff.  That family didn’t have enough sense to be cautious.  It was as if they were taunting the Templars.  “And what would you do if Meredith walked in here?”</p>
<p>“She would dare challenge the Grey Wardens by taking one of their members?”  Leliana’s eyebrows rose and her head tilted as if she thought Meredith a fool.</p>
<p>“Leliana,” Selene’s voice was warning.</p>
<p>“You’re a Grey Warden?”  That would explain why she didn’t fear Templars.</p>
<p>“That’s between me and the Wardens,” Selene growled.  “But yes, I’ve gone through the Joining.  That has nothing to do with my birthright, however.”</p>
<p>He wasn’t going to challenge a Grey Warden mage.  Even Meredith didn’t even mess with Grey Warden mages.  They were outside the laws of the Chantry.  “I’ll get the deed for you.  Be warned, though.  It is said the mansion is haunted.  I don’t know if you want to raise your baby in a haunted home.”</p>
<p>“She’s staying at the Hanged Man,” Leliana informed him.</p>
<p>“I’ll get the deed for you; a haunted mansion is better than that place.”  He stood to prepare her paperwork.     </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What were your plans for tonight, before I interrupted your day?”  Leliana asked Aveline as they exited the Viscount’s office.</p>
<p>Selene stopped, watching as Raven approached Aveline.  The guard captain was just getting off for the day.  “I would have probably gone to see Raven.  She is helping Isabela in some duel tonight; Isabela expects her opponent to cheat.  Of course, Aveline would have insisted that I go back to the Hanged Man and put up my feet.  She panics about Little Demon.”</p>
<p>“Little Demon?”  Leliana repeated.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s my nickname for the baby,” Selene admitted.</p>
<p>“Because it has the archdemon’s…”  Leliana groaned.  “Are you sure you’re alright?  Should you be having this baby?  I’m sure Zevran could have…”</p>
<p>She stopped as Selene wrapped her arms protectively around her abdomen.  “I’ve made my decisions Leliana.”  She already loved the little life growing in her.  She didn’t know what influence the old god’s soul would have.  Would it be more than the influence of its father’s seed, of coming from her?  Didn’t it have its own soul, to combat that of the old god?  This would likely be her only chance to have a child of her own, though.  It was the only one she could ever have with <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>“Of course, why don’t we… is that Zevran,” Leliana pointed.</p>
<p>Sure enough, Zevran was walking to Raven and Aveline.  He spoke with them, quietly.</p>
<p>“He’s never gone with me when I’ve helped Raven before,” Selene frowned.  “He was talking to Isabela this morning, though.  Perhaps she asked him to go along.”</p>
<p>“Are we talking about Captain Isabela?”  Leliana’s eyes widened.  “The pirate from the Pearl.”</p>
<p>“The one who talked you and Zevran into exploring the lower decks of her… <em>ship</em>… with her?”  Selene said <em>ship</em> in a way that emphasized that she knew it was a euphemism.  “Yep, that’s her.  Were you hoping to catch up on old times with her instead?”</p>
<p>“Not with her, but we should take Zevran to dinner with us,” Leliana decided.</p>
<p>“You want to go with him, don’t you?”  Selene accused. </p>
<p>“It would be fun,” Leliana decided.</p>
<p>“Fine, we can have dinner later,” Selene sighed dramatically.  “Little Demon and I will just go hungry.”</p>
<p>Leliana was ignoring her, though.  She was rushing down a set of stairs to Zevran.  Selene watched her friends’ faces light up as they looked into each other’s faces and embraced.  She wondered if there was more to their relationship than she’d realized.  She slowly followed Leliana, wondering if she should still abandon her friends and go back to the Hanged Man for her own dinner.</p>
<p>“There you are Selene,” Raven smiled at her.  “I didn’t realize you were friends with Captain Isabela.”</p>
<p>“I’m not as good of a friend as Zevran and Leliana are,” Selene assured her.  “When Leliana heard she was in trouble, she wanted to help her.  Although, she might just be making an excuse to spend more time with Zevran… or hoping for a repeat of the Pearl.”</p>
<p>Leliana gasped and Zevran chuckled.  “I know I’ve always wanted to do it again,” he purred to Leliana who blushed.</p>
<p>“I have to hear what happened at the Pearl,” Varric joined the group.</p>
<p>“It can’t go in one of your books, Varric,” Selene warned.  “No one would ever believe it.  I’ve counted myself lucky to only know the basics.”</p>
<p>“You aren’t coming,” Aveline insisted.  “There could be trouble.”</p>
<p>“Selene is wonderful in a fight,” Raven reminded her.</p>
<p>“She’s in her last trimester of pregnancy!”  Aveline objected.  “And we’re swinging by to pick up Fenris from his old master’s mansion.  You know Selene and Fenris don’t get along.”</p>
<p>Fenris didn’t like her?  Of course not, she was a mage.  She still didn’t know why he seemed to like Raven so much.  “It’s true.  I brood enough for myself; I don’t need someone even broodier around.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been brooding?”  Leliana pouted at her.  She looked at Raven.  “Did you know she used to sing as she walked in the woods and picked herbs?  She especially likes elfroot.  I’ve seen her stand up and dance in the middle of camp, I wasn’t even playing music some of the times.  Once she grabbed Al… one of our friends… hands and pulled him up to dance with her.  They were both laughing so merrily when they were done.”</p>
<p>“What happened?”  Raven pried.</p>
<p>“It’s hard to dance when you’re carrying around another person,” Selene patted her belly.  It was true, though.  She had been prone to sing and dance since Duncan had rescued her from Kinloch Hold.  She’d reveled in her freedom and being out in nature had been a special treat.  She’d been imprisoned for so long and to be among the Maker’s other creations had been wonderful.  Yet much of her cheer had been shattered with her heart. </p>
<p>“That must be it,” Zevran sent a warning look to Leliana.  “Let’s go get your friends.  Will Carver be joining us?”</p>
<p>“You know Carver?”  Raven was surprised.</p>
<p>“He often comes to the Hanged Man to play cards,” Zevran explained.  “He gripes about you while he does, so everyone knows he’s your brother.  When he isn’t playing cards, those that are toast your name.  You are now Saint Hawke and are toasted with gin.”</p>
<p>Raven nodded.  “I can live with that.”</p>
<p>“I keep telling them it should be whiskey,” Varric sighed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re bringing the mage again,” Fenris said as way of greeting.</p>
<p>“We could go get Merrill instead,” Aveline offered.  “I’m sure you would prefer the blood mage.”</p>
<p>“No,” she growled.  He looked at Zevran and Leliana.  “Are these two mages, too?”</p>
<p>“Would it make your day worse, my handsome, deep voiced drop of deliciousness?”  Zevran purred at him.  “I could then try and make your day… better.”</p>
<p>“They’re both rogues,” Selene answered.  “Leliana is the best archer you will ever meet.”</p>
<p>“Pardon me,” Varric sounded offended.</p>
<p>“Even better than you with Bianca,” Selene insisted.  “If she was staying around longer, I’d have you two have a contest.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been gone from my Chantry duties longer than I should have already,” Leliana insisted.  “I wouldn’t have gotten away with being gone this long if I wasn’t doing the King of Ferelden a favor.”</p>
<p>“You know the King of Ferelden?”  Aveline sounded impressed.  “I met his brother, King Cailan, but I didn’t know him well.”</p>
<p>Selene sent Leliana a pleading look.  She didn’t even want this group of friends to know that the King of Ferelden had a reason to look for her, much less what her connection to him was.  Aveline might tell Alistair where she was, and about her baby, out of a sense of duty.  Varric wouldn’t be able to resist writing her story once he knew half of it.  She’d have the Grey Wardens coming down on her, while she fought off Ferelden.  Part of her feared Alistair would come after Little Demon as a backup, in case his new queen couldn’t give him an heir.</p>
<p>“I happened to run into Selene during the mission,” Leliana shrugged.  “We’re good friends and I missed her.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who took the assignment from the Chantry,” Selene reminded her.</p>
<p>“You still knew how to contact me,” Leliana countered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Springing Another Trap</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Selene and Raven’s Team met Isabela in front of the Chantry. </p>
<p>“This is the last place I would have expected to see you, Isabela,” Leliana commented.</p>
<p>“Oh, this is where the chantry is,” Selene observed.  “I wonder how many Templars are in there.”</p>
<p>“Too many,” Raven answered her.  </p>
<p>“I’ve been here for hours,” Isabela told them.  “Hayder hasn’t shown up.  No one has.  I don’t like this.”</p>
<p>“I don’t like this?”  Varric stepped up to Isabela.  “That’s up there with ‘What could possibly go wrong?’.”</p>
<p>“That’s the wench we’re looking for!”  And armed mercenary, with two heavily armored minions beside her, came running up.  “Gut her!”</p>
<p>“Really?”  Selene tsked.  She turned to Aveline.  “Do you want to take her in alive?”</p>
<p>Aveline shook her head.  “Too much paperwork.”</p>
<p>The rest of Raven’s group had engaged the attackers.  Selene nodded to Leliana who produced a massive bow and shot one of the minions.  The arrow easily pierced through the armor.  Zevran sliced the head off of the other.  When Raven hit the woman, who was obviously in charge with a cone of cold, she stopped for a moment.  Selene hit her with chain lightning.  Smoke was coming out of the top of her head, but Zevran still cut it off to be on the safe side.</p>
<p>“You guys need practice,” Selene told them.</p>
<p>“I know how to fight,” Fenris insisted.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sure your master let you have plenty of swords every day,” Selene rolled her eyes.  “Once I have this baby, we’re practicing three times a week.  I’ll find a place.”</p>
<p>Aveline eyed them.  “Agreed.  I think the guards get more practice in than you guys.”</p>
<p>“I’ll also teach you how to brew health potions, Raven,” Selene added.</p>
<p>“If we can get back to my problem, I’m sure Hayder sent these guys,” Isabela interrupted.  “We need to search the bodies and see where he’s hiding.”</p>
<p>Leliana was already holding a piece of paper for her.  “You were nimbler than this the last time I saw you, Isabela.  Is something bothering you?”</p>
<p>“Just missing you, Sweet Thing,” Isabela assured her.  She took the paper.  “Hiding in the Chantry and sending thugs to finish me off?  Coward.  He’ll not get away with this.  Come on.”</p>
<p>“Wait!”  Raven insisted.  She went through the thug’s clothes, looting.  Then she followed Isabela, only to be ambushed after a few steps.</p>
<p>Raven unleashed a fireball, as Selene summoned a storm.  Then she unsheathed her sword and began moving into the melee.</p>
<p>“Stay back, expectant mother!”  Aveline demanded.</p>
<p>Selene sighed, watching her friends use swords and daggers against the brigands.  She had to console herself with watching lightning hit her foe.  Then she unleashed chain lightning on them.  “You get to fight sword to sword,” she muttered.</p>
<p>“I’m not gestating!”  Aveline shouted at her.</p>
<p>Raven hit one of her foe with a staff and Fenris managed to behead one.  Soon those who’d sprung the ambush were all dead.  Raven immediately went to looting.</p>
<p>“You know a lot of combat magic, Enigma,” Varric noted.  “When did you get so much practice?  I doubt the Templars would have let you.”</p>
<p>“She’s…”  Isabela began, then stopped when both Zevran and Leliana took steps towards her.  “Good question.  <em>Why aren’t they supposed to know?”</em>  Her hissed question was a little too loud.</p>
<p>“Know what,” Varric wondered.</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you someday, Varric,” Selene promised.  “After things settle down.  Helping Isabela is our priority now.”</p>
<p>“Let’s get moving,” Isabela led them into the chantry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raven looked around as they walked into the chantry.  Selene tried not to.  It had been over a year before she’d been in a chantry, but this one was a palace compared to others.  She was gazing at large statues, gold inlay and candlesticks, and enough candles to light every home in Lowtown and Darktown for at least a year.  She could smell expensive incenses and oils.</p>
<p>“Keep your eyes peeled for trouble,” Raven advised.</p>
<p>“Isabela,” a rugged man who looked like he needed a good night’s sleep stepped out of the shadows.  “Should’ve known you’d find me here.”</p>
<p>“Tell your men to burn the letters next time,” Isabela advised.  Selene wondered why she was spouting Hayder’s mistakes to him.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell him what he did wrong,” Leliana hissed at her.  “Dumb enemies are easier to foil.”</p>
<p>“Castillon was heartbroken when he heard about the shipwreck,” Hayder told her.  “You should’ve let him know you survived.”  A woman with a large axe strapped to her back creeped out of the shadows behind him.</p>
<p>Isabela shrugged.  “It must have slipped my mind.”</p>
<p>Hayder laughed.  “Where’s the relic.”</p>
<p>“I lost it,” Isabela claimed.  “Castillon’s just going to have to do without.”</p>
<p>“Lost it?”  Hayder repeated.  “Just like you ‘lost’ a ship full of valuable cargo.”</p>
<p>“They weren’t cargo, Hayder, they were people!”   Isabela took an aggressive step forward.</p>
<p>Maker, what was Isabela getting herself entangled in?  Selene wondered.  She should have insisted she and Leliana just have a nice, quiet dinner and catch up.</p>
<p>“Those slaves were worth a hundred sovereigns a head, and you let them scurry off into the wilds.”  Hayder wasn’t even trying to hide what he’d been up to.   He didn’t seem to hear Fenris growl somewhere behind Raven.  “And now the relic’s gone.  Castillon won’t be happy to hear that.  I promise you.”</p>
<p>“Will someone explain what’s going on,” Raven demanded.</p>
<p>“Isabela’s been a very bad girl,” Hayder announced.  “Ruined a perfect business deal and then ran away.  She didn’t tell you?”</p>
<p>“I told her enough?” Isabela insisted.  “I said I arranged for a duel, which I did.  I also said you wouldn’t play fair, which you didn’t.”  Isabela looked back at Raven and then at Leliana.  “We can talk later if you want.  Right now, we have other problems.”  She turned to Selene.  “Do we need to talk as well?”</p>
<p>“Probably not,” Selene shrugged.  “Come by my shop in Darktown the day after tomorrow and we can go over just how much we both don’t need to talk about… to anyone.”</p>
<p>“Agreed,” Isabella nodded.  She turned back to Raven.  “You and I can talk later tonight.”</p>
<p>Raven stepped closer to Hayder and cocked her head.  “Castillon isn’t a very happy person, is he?”  Maybe he needs a new hobby.”</p>
<p>“There’s only one way to settle this.”  Isabela threw one of her daggers.  It embedded in the chest of the woman with the big axe.</p>
<p>Hayder pulled out his sword and more shapes moved out of the shadow.</p>
<p>“I haven’t had this much fun since I left Ferelden!”  Zevran whooped.  He made a punisher move and easily killed one of the henchmen.  “Have you Leliana?”</p>
<p>“I’ve spent months trying to track someone down for… someone powerful,” she informed him.  “But it hasn’t been this fun.  I should have known things would have been more interesting once I caught up to you two.”  She put several arrows in another thug.</p>
<p>“Does this person you are tracking have a large bounty on them?”  Raven inquired.  “I’m not trying to take away your paycheck, but I’m trying to raise money for an expedition.”</p>
<p>“I work for the chantry,” Leliana informed her.  “I am looking for someone as a favor for someone else.  The payment is a heartfelt thank you, maybe a hug.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Raven threw a fireball at one of the thugs.</p>
<p>“Who’s looking for you?”  Varric asked, as he and Bianca released bolt after bolt.  “You’re looking nervous, Enigma, and I don’t mean just glancing around like you think Templars will jump from the rafters next.  You’re afraid your friend will let something slip.  She was looking for you.”</p>
<p>“She is my friend, Varric.”  Selene shot a bolt of lightning, felling another thug.  “Why would she be looking for me?”</p>
<p>“For the mysterious person who would pay for information on you with a hug?”  Varric continued to shoot bolts.</p>
<p>“She won’t tell you either.”  Selene unleashed chain lightning.  Hayder and two more thugs went down.  “Go ahead and use your spy network to find out.  Then ask me why I would want to talk about it.  It won’t help you in business or your expedition.  And I’ve been meaning to ask since Raven told me about it… who willingly goes into the Deep Roads?”</p>
<p>“The Grey Wardens, Enigma,” he assured her.  “Ask one of them when you finally meet one.”</p>
<p>“I’ll do that.”  <em>He</em> hadn’t been enthusiastic about them and she knew she hated them.  Maybe there was just something different about the two of them.  Maybe they missed a meeting on the wacky fun of the Deep Roads.</p>
<p>Zevran and Leliana killed the last thug together.</p>
<p>“I guess we’re done here,” Isabela stepped over the bodies as the others looted them.</p>
<p>Raven faced her.  “I was trying to talk him down.</p>
<p>“Trust me.  It’s better this way,” Isabela assured her.  “Castillon won’t hear about me from Hayder, but he’ll find out eventually.  I just have to get the relic.  It’s as simple as that.”</p>
<p>“Who is Castillon,” Raven wanted to know.</p>
<p>“He’s a powerful merchant in Antiva,” Zevran answered for her.  “He’s fond of hiring assassins to take out his business rivals.  He prefers using the Crows.”</p>
<p>“He also has ties to the Felicisima Armada,” Isabella added.  “I used to work for him.  The jobs mostly involved smuggling lyrium, jewels, or the occasional criminal acquaintance.  He paid well.”</p>
<p>Selene had to admit that she’d been happy to find her own lyrium smuggler in Darktown.  She didn’t use the stuff much and had plenty.  It was amazing how much one could find looting during a Blight… and after when you hung out with the Hawkes.  She realized she could be looking for some hidden in the chantry even now.  It was amazing what you found hiding in the buildings.</p>
<p>“What’s so important about this relic?”  Hawke was asking.</p>
<p>“I don’t know exactly what it is,” Isabela claimed.  “Except that it is ancient and worth my weight in gold.  Castillon has me chasing it as punishment for freeing his slaves.”  She let out a dramatic sigh, just as Selene found a stash of lyrium, coins, and a frayed scarf.  Who would stash a frayed scarf?  “To be honest, I think he just wants me dead.  But that would be letting me off easy.”</p>
<p>“Do you need me to kill someone for you, my darling?”  Zevran volunteered.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you will be able to easily get to him,” Isabela warned.</p>
<p>They went on to discuss Lucky and how he couldn’t find the relic as Selene continued to search the chantry.</p>
<p>“We should take the gold candle sticks,” Zevran suggested.</p>
<p>“You can’t rob a chantry,” Leliana objected.  “They need those candlesticks.”</p>
<p>“They don’t need gold ones,” Zevran disagreed.  “I say we donate them to the refugees.”  He blew out a couple of candles and swiped the candle sticks.</p>
<p>“Zevran!”  Leliana objected.</p>
<p>“It isn’t like the chantry is helping the refugees, Leliana,” Selene told her.  “Let Zevran force them to help.”</p>
<p>“I think I should stop him,” Aveline commented.  “But, technically, I’m also a Fereldan Refugee and I’ve seen how my people are treated.”</p>
<p>“Lirene’s wanted me to talk to you about that,” Selene mentioned.  “Is there a way you could hire more Fereldan guards?”</p>
<p>“I’d get some push back, but if they’re good with a sword and can follow orders, I’ll take a look at them,” Aveline promised.  “Or if they’re as good with a bow as your friend Leliana over there.”</p>
<p>“No one is as good with a bow as Leliana,” Selene assured her.  “I just don’t think you can talk her out of going back to the Chantry.  I know I couldn’t.”</p>
<p>Selene turned her attention back to Isabela and Hawke for a moment.  Now they were talking about the storm that wrecked Isabela’s ship and about the men she’d lost when the ship sank.  That would be the same ship where Leliana and Zevran had seen too much of the captain’s quarters.  She turned her attention back to going through chests as the conversation turned to Isabela freeing slaves.  They had been Fereldans who had payed Castillon to take them away from the Blight, he’d sold them into Slavery.  “Leliana…”</p>
<p>“I’ll tell the Fereldan authorities,” Leliana promised.  “I won’t use your name.  They’ll put an eye out for this Castillon.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Selene nodded.</p>
<p>When she turned her attention back to the two women, they were discussing how Raven would help Isabela get the relic back.   Then Isabela was telling Raven she’d hang out with her and that she had a room at the Hanged Man if Raven was interested in joining her later.  Selene had thought she’d planned to have Zevran and Leliana with her later.  Selene looked at the pair.  “Let’s go get dinner now.  Little Demon needs fed.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Unexpected House Guests</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Home is where you go to find solace from the ever-changing chaos, to find love within the confines of a heartless world, and to be reminded that no matter how far you wander, there will always be something waiting when you return.”  That is what Gregoire had once told Selene when she asked him what it was like to have a home.  He was trying to convince her that the Circle was her home.  She’d never felt that at the Circle, though.  She hadn’t felt safe with the Templars always watching her, there had been no solace. </p>
<p>Now she realized she’d only felt that solace once before.  Ironically, it had been during the Blight.  She’d gone to a tavern near Lake Calenhad with Oghren and taken Leliana and Zevran with her.  They had been helping Oghren win Felsi back.  She’d felt that solace and love when she’d returned to their camp, as Alistair had scooped her up into his arms.  The Templars had ripped that from her when they took her from her family and deposited her in the Circle of Magi.</p>
<p>She felt the solace again as she approached the estate she recently acquired. This was where she was going to have her baby and build a new family.</p>
<p>Gazing up at the house, she determined that this was where she would build a home for her baby.  She would give them the home she never had and Maker help any Templar who tried to take her child from her.</p>
<p>“Are you going in?”  Leliana stood behind her.  Her friend had declared that she wasn’t leaving until she was sure Selene was settled.  Alistair could wait to hear that his ex-lover wasn’t going to come when he whistled and had started a life somewhere else.  A life without him.</p>
<p>Selene took a deep breath and pulled out the key, it had been with the rest of the paperwork the Viscount had given her.  She unlocked the door and walked in.  There were a few lit candles.  The danced, causing strange shadows.  “Who lit candles?”  She didn’t like that.</p>
<p>“Do you have squatters,” Leliana scanned the shadows.  “Maybe you should have sold me one of those bows.”</p>
<p>“They weren’t your style,” Selene assured her.  Her friend had two long daggers, but she would have felt better if Leliana had a bow.  She had her magic.  She pulled out a staff and used the crystal to add light.</p>
<p>“Get out!”  A voice cried.</p>
<p>“Either a ghost or squatters,” Leliana confirmed.</p>
<p>“I don’t feel a thinning of the veil,” Selene assured her.  She looked around.  The place was still furnished.  Sheets covered the settees and tables.  She pulled a sheet and revealed a chaise with carved cherrywood and deep red cushions.  “It’s still furnished.”  She pulled another sheet to reveal a cabinet with the same cherrywood details.</p>
<p>Fog billowed from the hall, causing the shadows to increase. </p>
<p>Selene followed the source of the fog, determined to find the creature.  A skeleton popped up in front of her.  She sent a lightning bolt through it, blowing the bones to pieces.  She squinted at it and knelt.  “This is a fake.  I’ve fought enough of the undead to know the difference.”</p>
<p>Leliana put a finger to her lips and took the lead.  They quietly crept forward, passing several bedroom doors.  The estate was large.  They found a door that revealed a set of stairs leading down, but that didn’t seem to be the source of the fog.  They continued to the end of the hall they opened a door to reveal a laboratory of some king.  A large cauldron was in the middle of the room.  There were book shelves and a stand with a large tome on it.  A table stood nearby with parchment, quills, and a glowing orb.  A telescope was at one of the windows.  An old man stood behind the cauldron and was waving a giant fan to get the fake fog to move out.</p>
<p>Selene waved her hand.  “Liquet.” </p>
<p>“Get out of my house!”  The old man ordered.</p>
<p>“This is my house,” Selene insisted.</p>
<p>“Dumar can’t sell my home,” the old man insisted.  “Now get out.”</p>
<p>“He didn’t sell it, I inherited it.  This is the Amell estate,” Selene countered.  “Well one of them.  I’m an Amell, of this estate’s Amells. What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>            “Is Gamlen trying to take this estate since he lost his family’s?”  The man scoffed.</p>
<p>            “This place has been officially empty for over a decade,” Selene pointed out.  “You’re a squatter.”</p>
<p>            Leliana’s eyes narrowed.  “Selene…”  She began.</p>
<p>            “I am not…”  The old man stopped and blinked at her.  “Selene?  Selene Amell?”  He rushed at her and threw his arms around her.  “How did you escape the Templars?”</p>
<p>            She blinked at him in shock, then she realized that he looked familiar.  That voice…  Sweet Maker!  He was still holding on to her and her own arms wrapped around him.  Her voice broke as she uttered a single word.  “Daddy?”</p>
<p>            He nodded.  “It’s me, baby.”</p>
<p>            “I… I thought you disappeared with…”  She stopped.  She vaguely remembered names, names she thought belonged to her siblings, but she wasn’t sure.  Maker, how much did Templars take from their victims?  “With the others.”</p>
<p>            “I fled Kirkwall after Revka… your mother… disappeared,” he confirmed.  “I took your younger siblings away when Emedee began showing signs of magic.  I managed to keep her safe for a few years, but the Templars still caught up with us.  By then, Xavier’s magic had also begun to manifest.  I fled again, but… They found Eusede as well.  He… accidentally… caused a blizzard in the middle of the summer.  It had been a hot summer,” he sobbed, and her arms tightened.  “You’d think the villagers would have been grateful for a blizzard.  I returned to the only place I’d truly known, hoping Revka would somehow reappear.  But then I’d have to tell her that I failed our children.”</p>
<p>            “You didn’t fail anyone,” she assured him.</p>
<p>            “Maybe, if I’d trained as a warrior, instead of an alchemist, I could have held the Templars at bay,” he straightened and released her.  “I didn’t tell anyone I was back.  What if the curse affects them to?  What if it does you, Selene?”</p>
<p>            “I think it already did,” she pointed out.  “I was taken away by Templars.  Then…”  She stopped and shook her head. </p>
<p>            “Tell me,” her father urged.</p>
<p>            “It is a tale of dragons, bloodmages, and archdemons,” she enlightened him.  “It has a handsome prince and dark rituals.  It is a tale for a late night in front of a warm fire.”</p>
<p>            “Then we’ll get you moved in and have that fire and late night,” he hugged her again.  Then he looked over at Leliana.  “Will your friend be staying?”</p>
<p>            “Only for the night,” Leliana told him.  “I just wanted to make sure Selene was settled before I left.”  She turned to Selene.  “I’ll help you get your stuff from the Hanged Man.”</p>
<p>            “You’ve been staying in that dump?”  Selene’s father objected.</p>
<p>            “Her shop’s in Darktown,” Leliana confided.</p>
<p>            “Well, of course.”  His voice indicated he approved of the location.  “It’s easier to avoid Templars there.  The estate has a secret passage that exits in Darktown.  Many estates in Hightown have them.  Be home in time for dinner.”</p>
<p>            “Yes, dad,” Selene smiled.  “Do I need to bring my dates home, too?”</p>
<p>            “You have a date?”  He didn’t sound happy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>            Selene’s father insisted she take the Master suite as she technically now owned their estate and he would never sleep in it again.  He really wanted answer when he learned she would also be using the nursery.</p>
<p>            As she unpacked her things, she lifted the rose she’d frozen in stasis.  It was the perfect rose from Lothering, the one Alistair had given her.  She still remembered how sweet and nervous he’d been as he’d presented it to her and the little speech he’d given her about how she was a bright spot in the darkness.  Now she felt like she was part of the darkness, there was so little light left.  She put a hand on her abdomen and looked around.  She would cling to what light she had found and would find more… one day.</p>
<p>            She continued taking out her clothing and her hand wrapped around an amulet and froze.  It was an Andrastian amulet that had been shattered and pieced back together; Alistair’s mother’s amulet.  She’d taken it from Eamon’s study, meaning to give it to Alistair.  She’d never found the right time and then… the Landsmeet.  She supposed she should have just left it in his room for him to find when she’d left Denerim. </p>
<p>            Sitting on her bed, a beautiful canopied king-sized bed, she held up the amulet for several moments and let herself think of the man it had once belonged to.  She couldn’t return it to Denerim, not without a lot of questions.  She decided she would give it to Little Demon someday, something of their father passed to them.  Not just his or her father’s, but their grandmother as well.  It would be the only connection they had.</p>
<p>            Perhaps she would pass on the rose as well.  A token of the love that had produced them, the token of a handsome prince passed on to a poor mage who was cast aside because of the powers she was born with.  They would know that they weren’t the product of a single foolish night, but of a love that had been real, if not strong enough to sway their father from duty.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Many thanks to my incredibly wonderful and amazing beta, Idunasappl.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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